


Beauty Is Pain

by WereAllDeadInDevilTown



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies), The Isle of the Lost Series - Melissa de la Cruz
Genre: Bullying, Closeted Character, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Flashbacks, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Internalized Homophobia, Isle of the Lost (Disney), Lesbian Character, M/M, MEVIE, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Descendants 2, Recovery, Relatively slow updates because I'm the worst, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, jaylos, malvie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2020-06-30 01:08:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19842376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WereAllDeadInDevilTown/pseuds/WereAllDeadInDevilTown
Summary: In which Evie destroys herself trying to receive love;N̶o̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶u̶n̶a̶t̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶i̶v̶e̶.̶ ̶and Mal destroys herself trying to avoid it.W̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶s̶e̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶w̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶?̶"The truth is, I tried to be a cynic but- but I'm really a dreamer who is terrified of wanting something she may never have.""...Well, what do you dream of having?""You, Evie. I dream about having you."





	1. Escape With Me

**Author's Note:**

> -This story takes place after the end of the second movie, a week after Cotillion.  
> -This first chapter is very Evie focused, and while she IS the main focus of this book w/ Malvie being the main ship, the other characters get more involved as the book goes & there is lots of Jaylos in upcoming chapters as well so stay tuned  
> -Trigger warning, this chapter talks a lot about self-harm & references eating disorders, pls read w/ caution to the tags!  
> -Enjoy! (:

Evie sat on the cool floor of Audrey’s upstairs bathroom, her blue dress bunched up slightly around her waist so that she could feel the cold linoleum against her bare thighs. Her head was rolled back against the wall in a way it only ever was when she’d drank too much, all her usual poise forgotten in the moment. She tried reasoning with herself that she wasn’t drunk, necessarily. But then again, she definitely wasn’t sober either, and that wasn’t typically a very good thing for her. Evie would be the first to admit that she often enjoyed the carelessness that came with being intoxicated- the ability to shut off her brain and escape for a while, something she normally found impossible. However, when left to wander, her mind oftentimes went to places she wasn’t very fond of.  
  
The memories from the Isle she tried so hard to suppress always managed to creep in just a little bit more on nights like this, where she found herself hiding away somewhere with a stomach empty of food but full of alcohol whilst a party raged on downstairs. Her head swelled with the sound of her mother’s voice and the urge to cry was so overwhelming that she almost let herself, but then she remembered how long her makeup had taken her to do and decided to bite her lip just a little bit harder instead. The gold clutch on the floor beside her buzzed, and Evie groaned.   
  
She, of course, could acknowledge that it was very thoughtful and sweet gesture for King Ben to have gone out of his way and supplied all four of the villainous transfer students with their own cell phones upon their arrival to Auradon, being that no such things were available on the Isle. However, despite her best efforts, Evie several times a week would catch herself thinking of the kindly gifted device as more of a burden than anything else. I mean, it was amazing to be able to check in on her friends whenever she felt and receive confirmation that they were alright within seconds. On the Isle a privilege like that was never allotted, and it certainly did wonders for everyone’s paranoia, especially in such a foreign place.   
  
But at the same time, it made escaping from others impossible. She was never really able to just be alone with herself anymore, was she? Not when anyone could interrupt her most intimate moments with the push of a button. She supposed it was just yet another Auradonian thing she’d adjust to with time, and so with a heavy sigh Evie limply reached for the aforementioned golden clutch and retrieved her phone. With throbbing temples she squinted down at her screen, the breath getting caught in her throat as she merely read her name. 

**Mal:** hey where r u??   
  
Quickly Evie scoffed at the text. It was no wonder Mal hadn’t seen Evie slap Chad across the face and then stumble off unable to breathe in search of a bathroom. How could she have? She was too busy cramming her tongue down Ben’s throat. In fact, the two girls had hardly spoken at all that day, not because there was any bad blood, but simply because Mal had been busy- tonight’s tourney game had been the championships. Thus explained the party Evie, unfortunately, found herself at now. Truthfully to most people’s surprise, Evie really wasn’t much of a party girl. Not at all, even if she played it up like she was. She was more of a socialite than Mal maybe because it had been ingrained into her from such a young age, but either way she’d have rather been at home sewing or reading than at Audrey’s house on a Sunday night. 

Despite the small bit of envy and bitterness Evie was harboring against her best friend and roommate at the moment, she still could feel the weight in her chest lift a little at the prospect that Mal noticed she was gone from the party and was worried. I guess that just went to show how much the purple-haired faerie truly meant to her, even when she was being sort of a jerk. Or maybe Evie was just blindly jealous. In her tipsy state, there didn’t really seem to be much of a difference. 

**Evie:** bathroom  
  
**Evie:** y? does someone miss me xx  
  
**Mal:** well uve just been gone a while  
  
**Mal:** do u need me?  
  
Reading those four words illuminated on her screen sent shivers through Evie far more than it should have, and as she set her phone down onto the ground in front of her with a shuddering breath she finally allowed a single tear to stream down her face. She couldn’t even tell why she was crying at this point, but she felt so much until she felt numb and so this single tear quickly turned into multiple tears. Soon enough Evie was having to press her palms against her eyes and mouth as she sobbed in fear that someone might hear her or that her tears might flood the beautiful bathroom with pink tufted carpets and lilac candles she found herself locked in.  
_She doesn’t like you Evie, stop fooling yourself. Of course she doesn’t like you, can you blame her? You’re weak and hideous._

The bass from music below her was so heavy and pulsing Evie let herself wail, screams that she herself couldn’t even hear ripping through her throat as she let it all wash over her, the pain, the sorrow, the jealousy. Subconsciously Evie dropped one of her hands to her thigh, lifting her dress up more so that she could run her fingertips over the scars that were embedded in her uppermost left leg but hidden with several layers of makeup. As her fingers touched the bottom marks that curved around almost the middle of her thigh she grimaced at how rough they felt all scabbed over in comparison to the other smooth scars and then immediately cried harder.   
  
She couldn’t stop herself from picking at the cuts crudely with her nails impulsively, carving out the half-healed wounds as she remembered Cotillion two weeks ago, remembered breaking up with Doug for Mal, remembered breaking her own heart for Mal when she celebrated her and Ben’s reunion, remembered laying on her own bathroom floor much like this and wondering why she was so _stupid_ and _naive_. Never _good enough_ , never _pretty enough_.  
_You never have been, sweet girl._

With fingertips now stained red, dried blood under her nails and a throbbing pain in her leg Evie could breathe just a little bit more, succumbing to the foggy memories that enveloped her head. In this moment she almost missed her mother, even if only to feel like she had some sort of guidance regardless of it being corrupt and wrong and hurtful. She just needed to feel less alone, less lost.  


* * *

  
“Mommy, I’m s-sorry!”   
Evie coward and spoke pathetically before her mother could even say anything, watching as the woman took three swift steps towards her and effortlessly closed the space between them with a flutter of her cloak. Now towering over her as Evie clung pathetically to the bathroom counter to keep herself upright her mother could see, for the first time and to her bewilderment, the exact state her daughter’s left hip and upper thigh were in. 

Evie had tried hurriedly to hide with the palms of her hands the scars and cuts that plagued her otherwise well-regimented skin when her mother had first burst into the bathroom whilst she was changing, but it was in vain. Nothing got past Grimhilde, because much like Evie herself she certainly wasn’t unintelligent. In fact, Evie thought it a miracle she’d been able to hide the marks from Grimhilde as long as she had. Her concealer and foundation application must have been better than she gave herself credit for, especially seeing as her mother made her strip down to her bra and underwear before her almost weekly so that she could make the necessary critiques about her protege’s body. 

But tonight she’d gotten careless, and left her bedroom and bathroom doors unlocked after having already rubbed off the thick layers of makeup that typically hid the white, pink, and red marks from view in preparation for bed. Evie stared up at Grimilde’s eyes, the way they were ablaze with such rage briefly reminding her of Mal, and how her best friend’s eyes too emanated the same soft glow of emotion when she was upset. Evie quickly shook the thought from her head, skewing her eyes shut tight and silently chastising herself for even drawing a comparison between such drastically different creatures. They were _nothing_ alike. There were no parallels between the emerald gleam that gave way to a field of billowing clovers or the glinting stained-glass windows of a castle, and the simmering red that conjured up images of entire cities engulfed with flame or the scabs that littered her own skin. 

Evie’s mother studied that very skin now, her eyes scanning over the numerous lines, some old some new. At the top of Evie’s hip, where the bone jut out just perfectly in her mother’s eyes from years of suppressed appetite, the scars seemed to be the oldest, white and soft, blurred by time. Beneath that there were more and more rows of perfectly horizontal scars, symmetrical as if they were cut and paste from a newspaper article. They varied in color, from just slightly pink to angry purples and reds. The majority of the scars raised from the rest of Evie’s leveled, tanned skin so that they could be felt if touched, but the deepest of which indented the young princess’s skin instead, leaving small trenches and burrows where her body simply didn’t have the energy to rebuild the pieces she’d taken. 

Even further down her left leg curving around her uppermost thigh were the newer cuts, some scabbed over and ugly with rough, itchy beads of maroon but the rest still open and gaping, not dripping with blood but still glistening. In the moment it must have slipped Mother’s mind to think about wrinkles as Evie opened her stinging eyes in time to watch her face contorted into a look of absolute disgust and anger. Evie whimpered as her mother snatched her wrists off the countertop and pulled her closer still so that their faces were inches apart, squeezing said wrists too hard so that it hurt her daughter but not hard enough to bruise. Grimhilde was good at that.   
“WHAT HAVE YOU _DONE_!?”  
  
Her mother’s voice bellowed throughout the house, echoing off the empty castle’s walls and again Evie cringed.   
“I...They’re just f-from a fight Mommy, really! Jafar cornered me in his shop again and-”   
Evie knew the lie was pathetic, but still hissed in pain when her mother silenced her by digging her long, truly witch-like nails into her daughter’s arm.   
“DO YOU THINK I’M A _FOOL_ , EVELYN?”   
“N-no, Mommy.”  
  
As if suddenly possessed by a separate entity Evie’s mother stopped her screaming, taking a single shaky breath before speaking in a somber, soft, almost friendly voice. Evie knew better than to relax at this sudden change in tone, she knew this trick. Carlos’s mother did the same, attempting to lure the poor boy into a false sense of security, even as her nails too were digging into his arms, out for blood.   
“Tell me then, dumb girl, what are these?”

Grimhilde had a psychotic looking smile on her face as she glanced down at her daughter’s scars and then back at her, clearly trying to communicate what she was referencing. Evie merely bit her lip, but after a few seconds of not speaking when spoken to her mother began shaking her violently, impatiently. Evie stuttered out a response.  
“C-cuts! They’re cuts.”  
  
Her mother stopped shaking her and clicked her tongue in disapproval, speaking to her 14 year old child as if she were a toddler, or a dog, something incapable of holding a conversation. Evie supposed this demeaning sentiment was probably half true, seeing as she’d been conditioned to only ever speak when absolutely necessary, and even then never with anything wise. Afterall, princes don’t go after a girl who blabbers or overshares, and Evie never had anything worth sharing or important to say anyway.  
  
“No sweetie, they’re much more. They’re _disgusting, shameful, pathetic, sinful, and unsightly._ Do you think any man will _ever_ find you desirable if he sees _THESE_ _?!”_   
Evie shook her head hurriedly, her bottom lip quivering as she tried hard to stop crying and hold back the sobs that were bubbling in her throat. Crying only ever made things worse, every villain kid knew that. Evie tried so hard to be like Jay and Mal, who never cried, never flinched, never let their walls down around anyone but their best friends in the safety and privacy of their hideout, but she simply couldn’t. She was weaker by nature. Mal called it _softness_ . Evie knew her best friend was only trying to be nice.   
  
“Tell me Evelyn, how many princes do you see sporting around girls who are so _helpless_ and _idiotic_ as you that they genuinely believe littering their already imperfect bodies with _ugly_ and _crude_ wounds will in some way assist them in this life!??”   
“...none.”   
“Now you’ll be lucky if the men living in the alley will even touch you, you _DUMB WHORE_!”  
  
Evie’s mother was getting progressively louder and angrier, and Evie had to work harder than anything not to cry even if her Mother’s words hurt her more than any self-inflicted injury ever could. Sometimes when her mother would sit with her in front of the mirror for hours, pinching at different parts of her body and making mean comments, grimacing at her stomach or thighs, Evie could just tune her out. For a little while she could stare into the mirror and drift away. Away from her mother, away from their castle, away from the Isle, away from everything. Tonight though no matter how hard she tried Evie couldn’t leave, she was stuck in this stuffy bathroom where the comments hit her like a ton of bricks, every word sinking in as truth.   
  
“How many times must I repeat myself! You are good for ONE thing, and that’s serving a man! I’ve sacrificed so much for you Evie! I have never laid a hand on you in a way that would leave a lasting injury, even when you deserved it! Never punched you, never kicked you, and now _this_ is how you repay me!? BY RUINING OUR CHANCES?! DO YOU EVEN _WANT TO BE PRETTY_!?”   
Evie couldn’t hold the tears at bay anymore as a sob escaped her mouth and she crumpled against her mother, tears sliding down her cheeks and ruining the day’s makeup she had yet taken off. Grimhilde grunted and took a step backward towards the doorway, letting her daughter clamor to the floor as she released her red wrists.   
  
“I-I’m s-sorry Mommy, I’m s-so sorry M-Mommy! I didn’t mean t-to! I want to b-be pretty more than a-anything, I swear! P-please, j-just-!”   
Evie breaks off and cries harder, covering her face that’s red with guilt and shame with the palms of her hands against the floor. Her mother silences her save a few sniffles and gasps for breath when she stands with half of her weight on Evie’s back, one foot planted squarely between her daughter’s shoulder blades so the point of her tall heel elicits a sharp yelp.   
“Oh shut up, crying is ugly and ages you, you know better. How long have you been hurting yourself, ingrate.”   
  
Evie took a second to both catch her breath as well as think, genuinely considering the question. Nearly all of the Isle kids had scars from battles with themselves, trying to pass them off as street cred even though it was easy to tell what they were really from. All of Evie’s closest friends, Jay, Carlos, and Mal, were no exception either, save for maybe Carlos who got enough scars at home, and Evie was nearly positive Mal hadn’t hurt herself in nearly two years since Ginny Gothel, who for the record had her own scars, called her weak for it. Most of this was speculation though, since none of the core four had ever explicitly talked about any of it before. When Jay would come to Evie and asked her to stitch up three cuts along his forearm using thread from her sewing kit and a less than sterile needle, Evie wouldn’t ask any questions. That was just the Isle way. 

Still, it didn’t keep any of them from worrying about each other even if they didn’t voice their concerns, which was why Evie had chosen to keep her secret vice hidden from even her three partners in crime. She was sure that to them, they probably thought she was unaware of the way a rusty razor felt gliding against skin she longed to be free from, which was the way she liked it. Why worry them? Assuming they would worry, that is, but for precaution, Evie was always sure to keep her scars in places no one would see. Except of course for the men who, with _Mother’s_ permission instead of her own, got to see beneath her skirt. But even then, they were usually too over-eager to notice much else besides her lacy underwear.

Plus, Evie knew from day one that if her Mother ever caught wind of her newest coping habit that only ever emerged when puking or starving herself just wouldn’t cut it she’d have her head. In a lot of ways Evie couldn’t blame her, she was just as angry at herself. Harming her own body went against everything she’d ever been taught, after all her one goal was to be attractive, to find a man and make mother proud. Cutting herself was counterintuitive and weak. Each time she’d hurt herself, which truthfully wasn’t too many times seeing as it was an absolute last resort, she’d be met with indurable shame and disgust afterward, finding herself even uglier and unlovable than usual. It was never worth it and she hated what she did to herself, but at the same time she felt like she needed to sometimes, only sometimes. To teach herself a lesson, to give herself a visual reminder, to shut up the sound of her mother’s voice echoing in her head, to erase memories she didn’t want to remember, to curb her hunger, to stop thinking about Mal-  
“Three y-years, I think.”  
  
Finally, her mother lifted some of the tension off the foot that was digging into Evie’s back with a sigh, letting her daughter finally take a large inhale as she snickered to herself.   
_“_ Haha great, so you’ll go three weeks locked in your room without food then. Maybe then, even with those _ugly_ scars, we’ll be able to restore you to a... _semi_ -attractive state.”   
Evie, against her better judgment, craned her neck to look incredulously up at her mother who merely smirked as she removed her foot from off Evie completely.  
  
“Be thankful it isn’t three years. And I NEVER want to see those hideous marks again without makeup covering them.”   
“Mommy, but, w-wait!”   
Evie hurried to scramble up from off the floor and reason with her mother as she turned away from her, but by the time she could bring her shaking legs to a standing position the sound of her heavy bedroom door slamming shut and clicking locked sent chills through her body. Immediately Evie could feel panic rise in her chest at the prospect of being trapped in her room for days on end, not an uncommon punishment but one she hated all the same. Nothing scared Evie more than being alone with only her thoughts and a dozen mirrors staring back at her, mocking her.   
  
Mal would come and save her, though. She always did.   
**_  
_ **

* * *

**  
Mal:** e??? 

  
The sound of her phone pinging just barely audible over the obnoxious party music downstairs brought Evie back to reality, her knees pulled tightly to her chest as she took shallow breaths, still shaking from the flashback. How did they manage to feel so real? She could still smell her mother’s perfume, she could still feel the stinging on her wrists where she’d been held, a small bruise forming between her shoulder blades. Shakily Evie picked her phone back up and typed out a response, wondering how long she’d been in here for. The tears streaming down her face were now dried into hard tracks of makeup, so it had to have been longer than it felt.  
  
**Evie:** im fine! (: just freshenin’ up, i’ll come find u in a sec where r u?  
  
Mal responded almost instantly like she had been just staring at her phone and waiting for a response. The thought nearly made Evie smile as she strained to get up from off the cold bathroom floor. The tile before had felt good against her warm skin but now she was shivering, wishing her dress was longer or that she’d brought a jacket.   
  
**Mal:** by the stairs, but uve literally got a sec e or im getting u  
  
Evie really, really didn’t want to be seen right now, especially not by Mal. She felt huge and hideous in this outfit she’d put so much care into carefully crafting and perfecting just a little earlier that same evening. As she rose to view herself in the mirror over the sink her suspicions were confirmed. The gold beading she previously thought made her skin glow now looked tacky, and the peplum detailing at the waist that she thought gave her the allusion of hips only made her look fatter. Furthermore, it was clear she’d been crying, at least it would be to Mal if she didn’t work some seriously quick magic on her ruined face and messy hair. If she could have just stayed tucked away in Audrey’s guest bathroom forever, she certainly would have.

As Evie began painstakingly wiping the pools of dark makeup from underneath her red, puffy eyes with some damp toilet paper, she realized she was drunker than she’d previously thought. She found herself having to hold onto the countertop to keep from toppling over in her high heels as she tried to make herself look presentable, though maybe that was just from the way she didn’t yet feel grounded here again after her flashback. It made the process of trying to fix herself up much more difficult. She sighed as some of her foundation inevitably came up with the eyeliner and mascara that’d made it down her face, but otherwise, her eye makeup had actually held up surprisingly well. Just as she threw out the wad of dirty toilet paper and whipped out her lipstick to reapply, a heavy-handed knock at the door made her jump, the applicator tumbling to her feet.   
“Evie??”   
  
It was Mal’s voice clear as day, and her chest tightened. She’d come looking for her? I guess she wasn’t kidding when she said a second. Evie ran fingers through her hair nervously as she realized that while in the low lighting of a party Mal probably wouldn’t be able to see she’d been crying, in the fluorescent lighting of this bathroom there was no getting around her blotchy face. Mal knew Evie better than she knew herself.   
“This is the only bathroom I haven’t checked so I know you’ve got to be in here. E, are you okay?”

The way Mal’s muffled voice from behind the door was laced with genuine concern made Evie’s heart swell, and she cleared her throat, not trusting her voice to come out steady and confident as she gave herself another brief once-over in the mirror and swung the door open. 

“Maaaal, you didn’t have to leave the party! I told you I was fine and coming to you!”  
Even with the alcohol running through her Evie didn’t slur any of her words, but her voice did come out much softer than she’d intended it to, and her false enthusiasm did little to change the creases of worry that were evident on Mal’s face. Subconsciously Evie pressed a finger to her own forehead, feeling for wrinkles. It always twisted her stomach uncomfortably to see her best friend, whom was usually cold and calm and calculated, looking so concerned. Since coming to Auradon Mal had definitely become much more expressive, Evie guessed because unlike on the Isle it was a safe thing to be here. Still, it took some serious adjusting.  
  
“Well you’ve been in this bathroom for like, 40 minutes. AND it’s clear you’re one: drunk and two: crying, so obviously you aren’t fine.”   
Mal took a step closer to Evie so that they were almost pressed together in order to close the bathroom door behind her, lingered a moment even after the door clicked shut, before eventually taking a step back again and leaning against the closed door, arms crossed. Evie wished she’d move closer again, nearly grabbing her by the shoulders so that she could feel that soft breath on her cheek again. It had made her throbbing heart slow to an almost steady pace in a way only Mal could ever do. Silently she cursed out Mal for having worn such a gorgeous outfit, the dark green, strappy dress against her fair skin, the black converse making their height difference stark. Evie wanted to scoop her up and save her in her pocket for later. 

“E seriously, you’re freaking me out.”  
When Mal spoke again it brought Evie back to her, face red from having obviously stared a while too long. She laughed awkwardly and smiled again, though Mal could clearly see that the expression didn’t nearly reach her brown eyes like it would have if it were real.

“It’s nothing Mal, you know how I get sometimes when I’m drunk, I just get emotional. It’s stupid.”  
Evie looked away from her best friend half because she could feel herself blushing and half because she could tell Mal was seeing straight through her, returning to the mirror. 

Before she could start fussing over her makeup again Mal put her hand on Evie’s chin, cupping it and tilting it down slightly so that their eyes could meet. Evie could feel all the air leave her lungs just looking into that sea of green, wishing to get lost in it. She bit her lip hard as her friend spoke in a voice that commanded attention quietly, words meant for her and her alone.  
“Hey look at me, it’s not stupid Evie. Was it a flashback?”   
Mal’s voice softened when she asked her question, everything about her softened. This was the rare version of Mal not many people got to see, where there was no bristling fur to intimidate or cautionary eyes of distrust. Evie wondered briefly if Ben had seen her like this. She loved her like this. Did Ben love her like this?   
  
“God E, you look like you’re going to be sick.”   
The worry wrinkles and concerned voice from earlier were back as Mal brushed hair out of Evie’s face and she shivered violently. But no, Evie wasn’t going to be sick. She couldn’t be. She’d already made herself puke three times this week, and that was the maximum amount she ever allowed. Her mother had always told her that making herself vomit to stay thin was something she should be ashamed of, because not only does it make her look ugly and bloated, but it shows weakness. She’d been too weak to not eat at all, so now she was having to face the consequences. This tactic was seldom resorted to on the Isle, because there was little food to begin with, but here at Auradon, it’d become a more common occurrence. She had to put her foot down somewhere. 

  
“N-no I’m fine, seriously Mal let’s just drop it. Even if I did have a flashback, it’s over and I’m fine.”   
The concept of Evie having flashbacks wasn’t a new or foreign one to either girl, as multiple times a month Evie would wake up in the dead of night sweating and crying from one, and Mal would comfort her until she could fall back into a restless sleep. Secretly Evie kind of cherished those nights, because even if they put her through hell it was worth it to wake up in the morning and have Mal in bed beside her, arms around her waist, purple hair fanned out across her chest. She never wanted to get out of bed on those mornings.   
  
Hearing the edge in Evie’s voice Mal finally dropped it, and gently Evie lifted her chin up and off from Mal’s hand letting it fall back to her side. With bated breath, she took a small step back from her best friend. Not because she wanted to, because of course she didn’t want to, but because she was worried if she stayed staring into those eyes any longer she’d do something she’d regret, like pin the up and coming Queen of Auradon against the bathroom wall and kiss her so hard she bruised her lips the same shade of purple as her hair. 

Mal watched carefully as Evie bent to grab her lipstick from off the ground near her feet, but whilst straightening back up her eyes clouded with specks of black, and Mal moved quickly to catch her before she stumbled back to the floor. Evie closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temple, trying to figure out if this dangerously close state to passing out was from drinking too much or not eating enough in several days. She guessed both. She made a very conscious effort not to think about just how much of her Mal was touching right now, one of her arms slung over her shoulders and one of Mal’s wrapped tightly around her waist. She shuddered and hoped Mal couldn’t feel it.  
  
“E why don’t we go home. Do you want to go home?”   
Evie wanted a lot of things. She wanted to reach her fingers far enough down her own throat to tear out her needy stomach, she wanted to slide something sharp over her skin until she was unrecognizable, she wanted Mal to forget Ben’s name for the night so she could tilt her head to the left just 20 degrees and kiss her closest friend without regret, but she knew none of these were good ideas, particularly the latter. So instead she just sighed and nodded her head, leaning as far into her as she could get away with. 

She was so confused, because she’d been happier these past six months than she ever had been on the Isle. Not once had any boy dragged her into an alleyway when she was walking back to her dorm after curfew, not once had anyone tried stealing jewelry from off her when she was walking down the hallways and had her guard down, not once did she have to stitch up or bandage one of her best friends who was littered with injury, things had been perfect. Their parents were a safe distance away. They had everything they needed. Food, shelter, and most importantly each other. They’d even made new friends; Lonnie, and Jane, and maybe even Audrey if she was in a good mood. Mal had gotten herself a boyfriend, and not just any boyfriend but a King, true royalty. Carlos and Jay were closer than ever to revealing their feelings for one another after ‘Los realized him and Jane made better friends. Evie had freed herself from the guy she’d unintentionally led on and had no real feelings for, and he’d taken it considerably better than she anticipated. She was living her dream. She was free.

And yet, she wasn’t. Not even close. Because no matter how far away her mother was physically, she would always be with her, and no matter how safe she was in actuality, she could never feel it, and no matter how many times her friends reassured her she looked beautiful, it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t enough. She might have been free from most things, but no one can free you from yourself. 

“Oh but Mal this is Ben’s night, I don’t want to take that away from you guys.”  
Mal ushered Evie carefully out of the bathroom and towards the grand spiral stairs that would lead them back to the party, Mal adorably on tiptoe in order to support her taller best friend. As they slowly descended the stairs Evie couldn’t help but peel her eyes open and admire Audrey’s house. It wasn’t a castle, but it sure was beautiful, and it made Evie bite her lip with jealousy.   
This could all be yours, but you can’t even get the Isle girl on your arm let alone an Auradon prince.   
  
“Please, if you ask me all he did was win yet another tourney game, which matters about as much as our Remedial Goodness class. And he didn’t even make the winning shot!”   
Evie starts giggling in a way that truly shows just how drunk she is, hiccuping and all. This makes Mal start laughing as well, unused to seeing her best friend so unrefined out in public, but loving the sound of her genuine laughter all the same as they continue down the stairs and receive a few suspicious glances from nosy Auradon Prep kids. Mal’s glare quickly straightens them up though, and Evie is still giggling so carelessly she doesn’t notice.   
  
Evie leans into Mal so much she’s practically being carried at this point, but the shorter of the two doesn’t seem bothered by this in the slightest. Besides, Evie despite being taller weighs practically nothing, and Mal could have easily scooped her up and carried her bridal style if need be.   
“But it was the championship game, M!”   
Mal scoffed and rolled her eyes as Evie’s laughs simmered to a goofy, contagious smile.   
“Either way, if my best friend needs to get home I’m taking her. And besides, all these boring Auradon parties are the same, I wouldn’t be too sad leaving myself.”  
  
Evie was going to argue more and opened her mouth to do so, before being interrupted by the last two male members of their core four friend group.   
“THERE you two are, Jesus we’ve been looking all over.”   
Jay sounded angry as he and Carlos made their way through the crowd to where both girls were standing at the bottom of the stairs, shouting over the loud music and voices of drunken jocks that surrounded them. Evie knew he was only acting upset because he’d been worried, and she smiled guiltily. Carlos was smiling too, probably thinking the same. 

“Sorry, she was finding me. I’m kind of a mess.”   
“And drunk, apparently.”   
Carlos and Jay, who was no longer angry, both gave Mal a knowing and worried look that didn’t slip past Evie in the slightest, but she was too tired to try an reassure them she was fine. Mal mouthed something to the two of them that Evie missed, her eyes fluttering closed as she leaned her head against the top of Mal’s, seconds away from literally falling asleep standing up. Normally Evie would have been much more interested in the blatant talk of her taking place in front of her very eyes, but right now she couldn’t be bothered. She hadn’t even felt tired a few minutes ago in the bathroom, but now she was exhausted. All that crying must have really tired her out.   
  
“I’m taking her home now, I just need to find Ben and tell him I’m heading out-”   
“You want me and Jay to take her home for you?”   
Evie felt Mal's body soften against her. _Please say no, please say no, please say no._  
“Yeah actually, could you? That would be amazing guys.”   
Evie felt like she was going to cry all over again at the idea of heading home to an empty dorm all by herself, falling asleep alone. She had to play out these lonely events all weekend, what with Mal staying over at her boyfriend’s house the last two days, and the thought of doing it again made her heart plummet. She needed Mal, laying here with her head on her’s and her arms over her shoulder that was so abundantly clear. Mal had acted so fine with, even happy about heading home that Evie had nearly believed her. Clearly, she’d been convinced of a lie, because Mal sounded more relieved than ever at Carlos’s offer.  
  
“Oh it’s no problem, we were gonna head home soon anyway. Is that fine with you, Eves?”   
Evie surprised even herself by managing a smile, and nodded her head in response. She didn't trust herself to speak. As Mal pulled away from her and handed her over to the boy’s it felt like her heart might tug right out of her chest.   
“Rest up, E.”   
Before the drunk girl could even respond Mal was gone into the crowd, making her way over to Ben. Evie couldn’t understand why she was surprised. 


	2. Sins Crawling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all all sm for the love and support chapter one received omg, like I said I'm totally new to ao3 so it was such a pleasant surprise!!! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as the first- poor lil Carlos ): I'm so so excited for this book, & your comments and kudos made my week so again thank you! <3  
> ALSO: lowkey confused abt chapter notes so like, sorry if they're messed up haha your girl is still learning!  
> -Abbie

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.”  
Evie rolled her eyes but couldn’t help smiling at how defensive Jay had gotten overhearing a retelling of her and Chad’s indiscretion at the party, the one that had resulted in her smacking him and running to the bathroom. Jay was cracking his knuckles already, leaving only Carlos to hold Evie’s arm as she walked in what was supposed to be but most definitely wasn’t a straight line to her and Mal’s dorm at the end of the long hall. She loved when Jay went into big brother mode like this, it was very endearing, though in Auradon unlike on the Isle usually unnecessary.   
  
“It’s not like it’s the first time a guy’s grabbed my ass Jay, don’t worry. Besides I smacked him pretty damn hard, I think he got the message.”   
Even though Evie was giggling Jay was still deadly serious and merely shook his head, parting his lips to rebut. Carlos cut him off before he could, his voice slightly strained from trying to help Evie stand all on his own. In her high heels he was shorter than her by nearly two inches, and it was adorable according to Evie. Jay secretly thought so too, but of course, hadn’t commented on it.  
  
“Remember Jay, we’re not dealing with Isle guys anymore.”  
Jay paused for a minute as if letting those words sink in before nodding, but his fists were still tightly clasped at his sides, chest puffed out as they approached the wooden door belonging to the girls. Jay was nearly as protective over Evie as Mal was, which said an awful lot. Sometimes it bothered Evie because she liked to think she was capable of handling herself, but deep down she knew she appreciated it more than she’d ever admit. 

“Well, here we are _princess._ ”   
Carlos let go of Evie’s arm to open the door for her like a true gentleman, doing a goofy sort of curtsy that resulted in a playful punch from Jay.   
“Why thank you, good sir.”   
“You two are so stupid.”  
  
Evie and Carlos both laughed as they entered the room together, Jay following a few steps behind with a poorly hidden smile. Jay reached to turn on the lights, but Evie quickly stopped him just before he could manage to, imagining what the brightness would do to accelerate her already pounding head.   
“What, you’re going to change in the dark?”   
“Pfft, bold of you to assume I’m changing at all. Besides, the moon is plenty bright.”   
Evie was right, the full moon’s light pouring in through her and Mal’s windows were plenty light enough to see where she was stepping. 

Jay simply shook his head in disapproval as Evie threw herself onto her neatly made bed, a stark contrast to the wreckage of Mal’s. Perfectly fluffed pillows met her head sweetly in a sensation that was still foreign as she landed on the mattress, sighing in content. Even with being here for over six months, all of the villain kids pretty much accepted they’d never get used to having a real bed at all, let alone one so nice. At this moment Evie wasn’t thinking about it too hard though, she was already half asleep and they’d just entered the room. 

Evie groaned as with her eyes closed as she felt hands tug off her black high heels and toss them to the floor, Jay’s hands presumably by the way the skin is rough and calloused against the soles of her feet.   
“No, no, don’t go falling asleep yet. We told Mal we’d bring you home, and I’m sure that includes helping your drunk ass get ready for bed. If she gets home and sees we just dumped you she’ll kill us.”   
Evie smiled at the thought, Mal returning home late into the night, and angrily having to help Evie out of her dress. It didn’t sound like too bad a scenario.   
  
“I’m not even _that_ drunk, I’m just tired. And if you’re going to take off my shoes you can at least put them back in my closet where they be-”   
“Oh shit Eves, you’re bleeding.”   
Evie sat up in bed and opened her eyes faster than she should have, becoming extremely dizzy as the blood rushed to her head. She worked hard to steady her eyes in the dim room on her friend’s faces, confused and slightly panicked. Carlos’s face was pale and contorted with worry and confusion as he stared down at Evie’s left leg, and she followed his gaze until she could see that he was right, she was in fact bleeding. 

Three or four beads of blood that were nearly dried now had run from up under her dress and down her thigh, settling in the crook of her knee. A sizable portion of her dress near her pelvic bone was stained a deep red through the blue to make a big, ugly purple splotch, making it clear that that was the source of the blood. Evie’s eyes widened. Not for a moment had she even considering that scraping off those scabs would reopen the cuts. I mean it’d been two weeks after all, and she hadn’t thought they were really all that deep...this is what she meant when she said getting drunk made her stupid.  
  
“Evie, what the fuck happened?”   
Jay was now stepping forward, nearly pushing Carlos out of the way unintentionally to get a better view of Evie’s leg. He looked worried too but unlike Carlos he looked pissed. Like, really pissed, chest puffed out and face flush. She cringed away from him, quickly pulling her leg to her chest with an embarrassed and awkward laugh. Neither of the boys looked even slightly amused.   
“I’m just klutzy guys chill, I um fell on the stairs at the party and kinda forgot about it. I thought I was fine but, guess I must’ve cut my leg on something. No biggie.”  
  
Typically Evie was a very good liar, it was one of the only useful skills her mother had ever taught her. When people asked her if she was hungry and she replied with a sweet smile that she’d already eaten, they never asked any followup questions. She discovered it was all in the eyes, and she had mastered the deceitful sparkle needed to make men, or anyone else for that matter, hang onto every word she said. Tonight though, it was clear her touch was lost on her friends. She could hear the panic in her own voice, with alcohol in her system she felt like she only had half control over her own body, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t slow down her own heart rate. 

All she could think about was her mother and how she’d reacted when she found out about her scars. No one else can know. _If they know they’ll- they’ll hate you. They’ll think you’re disgusting and unsightly. They’ll see you for who you truly are. They’ll never forgive you. Or worse yet, they’ll worry about you, and feel sorry for you, and care about you, and waste their time thinking about you. They’ll put you above themselves, and they’ll give you all the things you don’t deserve. They’ll think you need help when you don’t, you’re not as fucked up as them, not even close. You just like the attention. Yeah, that’s what you are. An ugly attention whore. And everyone will know it._

“Let me see.”   
Jay said the sentence not as a question but as a statement. He reached for Evie and she quickly moved even further away, her back now pressed firmly against the headboard of her bed as breath got caught in her throat. Jay looks at her with wide, angry eyes, his eyebrows furrowed. He looked like her mother. Carlos simply looked confused and uncomfortable.   
“Jay it’s nothing, it’s not even bleeding anymore.”   
“Evie what’s your deal, if it’s nothing then just let me look.”   
  
Again Jay tried to reach for Evie and she panicked, shutting her eyes tight and accidentally shouting much louder than she’d intended to. All she could see was those red eyes glaring down at her, grabbing her, yelling at her.   
“STOP! I SAID NO!”   
Her voice makes even Carlos jump, grabbing Jay for comfort. Without taking his eyes off Evie, Jay slowly takes a seat at the edge of Evie’s bed and retracts his hand. Even with her eyes shut she can feel him staring at her, and she can hear him sucking in air through his teeth. She just wanted them to leave, both of them. Things in Auradon were so different. She wanted to say to Jay whatever happened to don’t ask don’t tell, and remind him of all the times she’d just sew him up with a smile and bite her lip when she got curious back on the Isle. Instead, she just buried her face deeper into the knees pulled to her chest.   
  
No one speaks for several long minutes, and Evie can feel the close burn of tears at the back of her throat. She swallows hard.   
_Do not cry Evelyn, it’s one of the ugliest things a girl can do._   
“I’m sorry I just...don’t want you seeing under my dress, okay? You know I’m sensitive about that kind of stuff Jay.”   
“Evie, you’ve changed in front of me too many times to count, how is this any different.”   
He’s soft-spoken, but his voice is still so hard and heavy it tears straight through her. Scarily calm, Jay was never one to yell. Sometimes that was for the worst, like right now, when his mere cadence of words would send shivers through you. 

Evie felt entirely trapped, because she knew her excuse was a stupid one and Jay was right. Plus, him and Carlos both probably already had a pretty good idea as to what was going on. Suddenly it felt like there was no oxygen left in the room and she couldn’t breathe. She pulled her knees away and quickly began to claw at her chest just to remind herself that she was alive because it truly felt as though she was suffocating. That’s the funny thing about panic attacks, no matter how many you have and survive through you always feel like you’re dying. Both boys were startled by Evie’s sudden gasps for air and quickly sprung into action, both well acquainted with what she was feeling. 

She just wished Mal were here. If Mal were here she’d know what to do. She’d know just what to whisper in her ear to breathe life back into her, she’d know the parts of her hair she likes played with the most to help distract her from what’s going on in her head, she’d know how to wrap her up in her arms in such a way that made Evie childishly feel like nothing could ever hurt her again. Being lulled into a false sense of security was better than nothing.   
“Evie? Come on Evie, you’re okay. I’m sorry, just calm down Evie.”   
“Should we call Mal?”   
“No we can handle this, just breathe Eves. I’m sorry okay we’ll drop it, breathe.”   
She could tell both the boys were talking to her and amongst each other but she couldn’t hear them, not really anyway. She felt like she was underwater and it was filling up both her lungs and her ears, waterlogging her brain. She couldn’t make their words make sense as she sputtered out her own broken sentence between shallow inhales.   
“I-I’m s-sorry but the b-blood really is n-nothing I-I promise, please d-don’t tell Mal.”   
Evie looked up to meet the boy’s faces, her eyes pleading and wide like a doe’s, the tears streaming from them looked like trickling honey when pouring out of her sad brown eyes in the low light bedroom.   
  
“We promise we won’t.”   
“Carlos-!”   
Jay hissed Carlos’s name and gave him an incredulous look with wide eyes as if he couldn’t believe what the younger boy had just said, an expression his face rarely made. Carlos, although not one to normally challenge his male counterpart, stood his ground and merely stared back with hard eyes. Evie figured they must have had a silent conversation with their eyes that probably went something along the lines of ‘we’ll talk about this later’. Surprisingly Carlos must have won out, because Jay after a minute simply huffed in anger and turned away from both Evie and Carlos, running a hand through his hair.   
“God okay, I can’t do this, I’m sorry I’ve got to go. You can get her changed. Just make sure she’s okay.”   
Jay hesitated for only a minute, both hands gripping angrily at his hair before stomping towards the door and leaving the room. He didn’t look back at either her or Carlos as he slammed the door behind him. This made Evie cry harder. 

“Aw Eves c’mon, calm down okay? He’s not so mad you know Jay, he’ll be over it before you know it. He’s just- just worried.”  
Evie didn’t respond to Carlos because she literally couldn’t, she didn’t have enough oxygen in her lungs to string yet another sentence together. Carlos was starting to shake, biting at his fingers like he always did when he was nervous, his nail beds were riddled with scabs and hangnails.   
“Look we don’t even have to talk about anything, but you’ve got to at least stop crying so hard. E-Evie you’re scaring me.”   
At hearing the shaky nature of her best friends voice, Evie almost instantly made a clear effort to try an stop crying so hard and start breathing again, her lips parted as she tried lamely to take shallow breaths. Carlos cautiously took her hand and pressed it to his chest as he’d seen Mal do with her before, and Jay does to him when he was in a panic. Evie tried to mimic his overexaggerated, deep and slow breathing. 

Once that seemed to be making a small difference Carlos carefully, as if nervous that he’d set the girl off again, sat down on the bed next to Evie. Once again thinking back to the things Mal would do with her, he carefully rubbed her back and moved her hair out of her face where it’d stuck to the tears and snot there. Even though she wished it were Mal, and he didn’t rub in small circles just how Mal knew she liked, Evie had never been more grateful to have Carlos in her life than right at that moment. If there was one thing Carlos was amazing for, it was a good comfort session. 

Carlos, much like Evie herself, was sensitive and broken, damaged goods as her mother would say. He was understanding and, unlike Mal or Jay, never overstepped. Sometimes it was to the point of it being a fault, but Evie still appreciated this about him. He was awful at confrontation from years of his mother’s awful conditioning, but he sure was good at patting backs.   
“How come you never just, told us?”   
If it hadn’t been apparent before that her friends knew the whole falling down the stairs story was a lie, it surely was now, because, despite his brawns and brute, Jay was just as intelligent as the smaller freckled boy. 

Still, Carlos’s question sent shivers through Evie, and briefly she debated continuing to deny what they both clearly knew was happening. As she finally caught her breath though she decided against it, because while Carlos would have just nodded as she smiled through her teeth and never call her out on what he knew to be a lie, it would’ve hurt his feelings. And besides, the youngest of the group was immaculate at keeping secrets. She figured if anyone was going to know it might as well be him. Because of this Carlos probably knew the most about her, even though she was closest with Mal. For example, Carlos knew that Evie had puked up her lunch at least two out of the three times she had this week. More importantly, Carlos was the only one who knew Evie had a crush on Mal, if one could even call it that. 

Back on the Isle Evie and Mal had fooled around on multiple occasions, but Mal fooled around with several other girls, primarily Uma, and Evie fooled around with several other guys, primarily not by her own accord, so they weren’t anything official. Besides, neither of their mothers ever would have approved, and it would’ve given the other cruel villain kids just one thing more to hold over the two girl’s heads. So they had no title, except maybe best friends and partners in crime. After all, Mal was under the firm belief that love was weakness- so they couldn’t love. No, this wasn’t love. This was fun, this was business, this was nothing. At least that’s what they told themselves. Only one of them ever believed it. 

At first, Evie thought that coming to Auradon would mean her and Mal could finally be more. All that she knew they were meant to be. Mal didn’t snuggle with most of the girls she saw after sleeping with them and stay in bed till morning, she didn’t kiss them and take it slow and stop fast without Evie even having to say no with most of the girls she saw, she didn’t hold their hands when she got scared, or compliment their eyes when the sun hit them, or any of the things that Evie and her did regularly. Evie finally thought it was going to be time for her fairytale ending. Mal might not have been the knight in shining armor or prince with stacks of cash that her mother envisioned, but even if Evie’s fairytale included a diamond in the rough, purple, dragon faerie half-breed it was still HER fairytale, and she loved it. 

Well, it would have been her fairytale anyway, if Mal had felt the same. Evie’s feelings were never expressed to her best friend explicitly, she always just thought they had a mutual understanding of things that were meant to be but never could. She just thought it was Isle law stopping Mal from screaming Evie’s name off every rooftop on that damn island as SHE wished to, but apparently, she was stupid and naive and childish to have thought such a thing. Life wasn’t like the books she read. Maybe things like that happened to the kids in Auradon, but not to kids like them, not to her.   
_Only idiot girls go and get their hearts broken. True love isn’t real Evelyn, now go and practice your sewing._  
  
By the time Evie worked up the courage to tell Mal how she felt with Carlos’s help, even if she was sure it wouldn’t be mutual, it was too late. Mal had a boyfriend. At first Evie didn’t think this meant much. When she saw them kissing in the halls or holding hands as they used to, she would brush it off and know Mal was merely playing a game. She felt prideful that her best friend had managed to wrap this weak-willed king around her finger. And then suddenly it wasn’t a game anymore. It was real. Ben’s coronation came around and suddenly it was real. Mal had a boyfriend, for real this time. Someone she wasn’t afraid to have a title with, someone she was fine being seen in public with, someone who most definitely wasn’t Evie. Maybe love was real for some people, she realized. Just, not for her.   
  
Often times Evie felt bad that Carlos knew all this and so much about her, so many things she made him keep a secret. She could tell from the sideways glances he gave their friends at lunchtime when Evie would say her stomach hurt, or the pity in his eyes whenever Evie had to help Mal get ready for one of her dates with Ben, that they weighed on him. It wasn’t like she dumped something on him and then he just brushed it off and forgot about it. No, Carlos couldn’t will himself to forget anything. The things she said weighed on him, he carried them. If the way her own secrets made her feel was any constellation to what he endured being her accomplice, then she was sure he was being eaten up and buried alive. And the worst part was she’d never meant for it to happen, really, but that was just Carlos, too caring and selfless and considerate for his own good. 

As much as she hated admitting it too, confiding in someone sure felt good, even if technically her close friend couldn’t offer her any real help. She knew if she told something of this caliber to someone like Mal or Jay they would freak. They would yell, they would cry, they would break, and she would be transported back to that bathroom with her mother just as she had been minutes prior. She would hurt them, and that was her worst fear. Selfishly too she knew they would make her stop, they would make her talk about it, and Carlos wasn’t like that. It wasn’t because he cared about Evie any less than them, but because he understood her. He understood that he was helpless. In his eyes, he could offer her a shoulder to cry on, and nothing more. Whether this was true or not, Evie took advantage of it. 

It had been quiet for a very long time once Evie got around to speaking, and her voice was so soft Carlos wouldn’t have been able to hear it if he weren’t practically cradling her in his arms.   
“I just don’t want to hurt them, I’ve been on that side with all of you for so long, worrying from the outside looking in. It hurts like hell.”   
Unknowingly Evie had just described perfectly the position Carlos found himself in now.   
“And then, if they know, maybe they’ll worry about me. And I won’t forgive myself if I do that to them, ‘Los.”   
“Well, they worry about you anyway. We all do. Always have.”

  
Evie shook her head, wiping her face with the backs of her hands as she pulled away from Carlos a bit, sitting up properly. Was her head always this heavy?   
“Not here you shouldn’t, not in Auradon. That’s why we stayed, right? Because we’re not supposed to be like that anymore here. Here we’re supposed to be okay. We’re supposed to be better.”   
Carlos didn’t say anything for a minute, just nodding his head solemnly as Evie finished drying her tears with a heavy sigh. He didn’t agree with her, of course he didn’t agree with her, but he wasn’t going to fight with her about it either. He was being complacent, but he didn’t know any other way to be.   
“Besides if Mal knew, she’d…”   
Evie couldn’t finish her own sentence, hearing how stupid it would sound if she said it out loud. No matter how outrageous it seemed though, she knew it to be true. If Mal saw that part of her, it would be the last straw, and she’d realize how ugly she was. Mal would never date her then.   
_As if you stand a chance with her now._   
“It would just change everything.”   
  
Carlos stared at her in a way that urged her to elaborate, but instead Evie simply sniffled hard before abruptly standing from the bed, nearly falling over when she remembered that she was intoxicated which was a fact that some time between now and her second panic attack of the night seemed to have slipped her mind. Carlos stood as well, moving to assist her but Evie gave him a look from the opposite side of the bed that stopped him where he was. In the dark room her usually warm, honey brown eyes looked nearly black.   
“You can’t tell them.”   
Carlos swallowed hard. It was not a request, it was a demand.   
“Well, I think Jay already knows. And Mal isn’t stupid, Evie. So how long do you possibly think you can keep this kind of stuff from them anyway?”   
  
Evie was slightly taken aback by Carlos’s response, and judging from his expression apparently he was too. She really hadn’t prepared herself for anything other than an ‘okay’.   
“Well, neither of them know most of my secrets. And this specific one I’ve kept from all of you for years, so-”   
Carlos scoffed, running a jittery hand through his curly white hair. He looked very frazzled, more than usual.   
“But Evie that’s- that’s different. On the Isle these weren’t even really secrets. I mean as you said, on the Isle we all did what we needed to survive. We hid things from each other to protect each other, and we all had secrets but we knew we all had secrets. It was like- it was less like secrets and more so just, unspoken truths. We were all hurting. It didn’t matter to what extent or in what way, so we just didn’t ask. Here we’re allowed to do that, we’re allowed to be in pain and be upset about it because here it isn’t normal like it was there.”   
Carlos stopped speaking abruptly because he could tell he was getting worked up and rambly, and he couldn’t tell if the things he was saying were really making sense anymore. Even he wished Mal were here. Why couldn’t Evie just swallow her pride and confide in her? 

Evie scratched the back of her neck, brushing off Carlos’s words even though she was pretty sure he was right and even if he wasn’t the way he spoke with such conviction and worry made her skin prick. Her friends were smart, and sneaky, and observant. She knew it was only a matter of time probably, and furthermore, she knew to keep it all a secret was wrong. But Evie felt so out of control right now, like nothing in her life was right and everything was spinning, so she just needed something to hold onto, something that was her’s. These secrets that made her feel like a terrible person, they were her’s. The ways in which she hurt herself, whether it be with fingers down her throat or a blade against her skin, those were her’s. In a way, her mother had given her an unimaginable power, the power to manipulate her appearance. 

From a scarily young age, Evie realized that if she just focused on the way she looked in the mirror; a hair out of place, an overly chapped lip, a jiggling thigh, she never had to confront the things in her head or the problems surrounding her. When things got to be too much, or a man had taken something from her she could never get back, she could shut it all out and focus on the one thing that mattered: her looks. And it extended to other people, she could change the way THEY saw her. A slightly trembling lip, a low cut top, a veil of unintelligence and naivety, she could give people whatever they wanted in the blink of an eye. Evie was simultaneously everything and nothing, she was whatever someone needed her to be. What’s-her-name the dumb, slutty girl if she was talking to a jock, Princess Evelyn who’s well-spoken and starving if she was trying to satisfy Mommy, E who loves fashion and boy talks and definitely not a charming girl with purple hair if she was anywhere near Mal. Evie could be lots of things. Most importantly, she was never herself. 

“We’re not your mom, Evie.”  
Evie froze in the middle of sauntering towards the bathroom, turning to glare at Carlos.   
“We don’t need you to be perfect.”   
Before Carlos could say anymore Evie took a shuddering breath and then quickly finished walking to the bathroom, closing the bathroom door behind her. Carlos took that as his cue to leave, groaning as he checked his phone to see it was past one in the morning. Before he left though, just as the shower in Evie’s bathroom turned on, he carefully made his way into her closet and put her high heels back with her other shoes where they belonged. It was comical almost the layout of her and Mal’s shared, large walk-in closet. Really, it was just Evie’s, because amongst the numerous racks of blue and red garb only a small corner on the floor contained poorly folded purple flannels and leather. That was Mal’s entire wardrobe. She was simplistic, to say the least. 

Carlos carefully picked out a pair of pajamas for Evie, deciding on a long sleeve red top and black leggings to leave folded on top of her pillow. After all, with winter fast approaching it was cold even in the well-heated dormitories, and after her shower she would be chilly. Before officially making his way out he found a bottle of aspirin in the dark near Mal’s window sill and left it with a bottle of water on Evie’s bedside table for when she woke up hungover tomorrow. Carlos took another few minutes to just stand there in the dark with a tight chest and stare at the closed bathroom door, listening to the muffled water. 

His thoughts were running wild. He wanted to burst in there and make sure she was okay. He wanted to grab her and shake her and sob and scream at her to stop hurting herself because it hurts him, because it hurts Mal and it hurts Jay even if they don’t know it, more than it ever would to just hear the truth. He wanted to hide all the sharp things in her room with his shaky hands and cook her a filling, warm dinner just so she could have something in her stomach even if it was one in the morning. He wanted to prove to her this wasn’t worth it, he wanted to remind her that her mother is gone and can’t torture her anymore with lists of rules. Rules- they weren’t even rules they were lies, they were made up games of cat and mouse, they were the delusions of a madwoman who reminded him of the same mad woman that had raised him and as long as Evie continued playing she was letting her win. He wanted to hold a mirror to her face until she was no longer blind and could see clearly how beautiful she was, how beautiful Mal thinks she is because she loves her. God, does Mal love her. Anyone could tell you that, except Evie and Mal, who happened to both be struck with the same blindness. He just wanted to do something, anything. He tried. He tried so hard tonight. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to do any of the things he knew he should because he was scared.   
_Of course you are pet, when are you not terrified and shaking like a pathetic puppy._   
He couldn’t tell Evie she needs to ask for help, he couldn’t tell Mal to stop lying to herself, and he couldn’t tell Jay he was breaking his heart. He was a boy who never stopped talking but managed to never really say very much at all. If he offered to help, then he might fail.   
WILL fail.  
  
As he left Evie and Mal’s dorm room, locking the door quietly behind him with a heavy sigh, he simply prayed that soon someone else, anyone else, would see through Evie’s lies.


	3. Trouble In Paradise

“Well damn, someone’s angry.”   
Jay snickered as he walked over to where Mal was in the corner of the gym. She was in her usual gym attire, grey shorts, and a purple sports bra, her dark purple curls pulled back into a messy ponytail. Jay had just finished up Swords and Shields practice and had already taken a shower and changed back into regular clothes, his hair wet. Mal hardly looked at Jay as he hovered over her, too busy punching the punching bag before her with the entirety of her body, each swing harder than the last until the bag looked as though it might break from off it’s chain from the ferocity of which she was making it swinging.    
“Yeah? When am I not.”  
  
At this moment Jay noted just how dragon like the girl looked, the way her nostrils were flared and her words hot like she was breathing fire. It wasn’t a bad look, but it was definitely a scary one, even to the young thief who prided himself on being fearless. Despite this he merely chuckled, towering over the barely five-foot firecracker.    
“Well, what happened this time?”   
Mal grunted as the last intact knuckle on her right hand split open, red and raw from the unreciprocated fight. Looking at the state her hands were in and the poor punching bag, Mal finally decided to give it a rest, groaning heavily as she sank to the floor and reached for her water bottle. Jay followed suit, sitting beside her on the padded floor of the gym beneath the still swinging bag.   
“Ben and I are fighting.”  
  
Immediately the amused smirk left Jay’s face and he sat up straighter, thinking the worst and already planning ways in which he could murder the King and not get a dungeon sentence. Mal noticed the change in Jay immediately from the corner of her eye and hurriedly put a hand on his shoulder, giving him a look that said relax, elaborating, as she finished swallowing her water.    
“He didn’t do anything bad Jay, it was all me. I don’t even know if fighting is the right word really, we’re just...not on good terms, I guess.”    
Jay gave the girl a skeptical look as she took several more large sips from her water bottle, letting the water run down her chin. 

“Well what’d you do? I mean, Ben’s a pretty understanding guy usually. An absolute moron sure but, understanding. And besides, it’s not like you haven’t already fucked up a dozen times, so how mad can he really be.”   
Mal punched Jay in the bicep and he inhaled sharply, proving that that morning’s training had garnered results. He shoved her back with false anger, but the corners of his mouth were upturned to hint at the classic Jay smirk he was known for. Even Mal smiled as she laughed and brushed off her friend’s push, wishing that for just a moment they were back on the Isle so that she could really deck him just for fun, a classic wrestling match. Apparently, that kind of stuff didn’t really fly in Auradon, though. Regardless she reveled in that moment with one of her closest friends, there was never a time that Jay’s playful nature couldn’t cheer her up. 

Evie had still been asleep when Mal woke up early that morning despite not coming home until nearly 3am. She was partially happy Evie had missed her this morning because she was definitely in a bad mood and probably would have been a bitch to her, but she was mostly sad because she could really use some comforting right now and Evie always knew just what to say. Jay though was certainly a great substitute, even if they sometimes butt heads due to their numerous similarities when it came to both strengths and weaknesses. She liked confiding in Jay because he was just like her. Evie’s advice was undoubtedly better and probably more correct, but Jay’s advice was closer to something Mal would actually do, since they were both cut from the same stubborn and tough cloth. Plus, he spared the dramatics. 

Even though the thoughts pertaining to both friends made her smile, Mal quickly solemnized as she recalled the awkward and embarrassing details of her and Ben’s fight last night. Jay was right in saying that she’d fucked up in their relationship a lot if he simply meant they argued often because it was true. Mal liked Ben and enjoyed his company, but there was no denying that they often clashed, so their relationship was a little on and off, to say the least. Not that the citizens of Auradon knew that, but some things were better kept private. That being said, last night was definitely one for the history books, considering Mal had literally almost turned into a giant, scaly, fire-breathing dragon right there in her King’s bedroom.    
  
“Promise me you won’t laugh, make fun of me, or tell another living SOUL what I’m about to tell you.”    
Jay cocked his eyebrow at Mal with a devilish grin, but Mal gave him a shimmering green side-eye that said she was deadly serious. Jay put up both his hands as if surrendering to something as Mal fiddled with the laces of her sneakers.    
“That bad, huh?”   
Mal inhaled deeply, closing her eyes.   
“Things were going fine at first. I mean, we hung around Audrey’s for another hour or so after you guys headed home until that bitch got on my nerves too much so we bounced. Ben offered to take me back to his place, ya know not his dorm obviously but his castle just off campus.”    
Jay nodded, his knuckles itching to be cracked as he anticipated where exactly this story was going. 

“I was tipsy and horny so naturally we started screwing, which is nothing special really I mean we’ve had sex together before and it’s never been anything spectacular, this isn’t news to you.”   
If the situation hadn’t felt so serious Jay would have laughed uncomfortably, because this in fact was not news to him. Mal wasn’t exactly discreet about the fact that she thought her boyfriend wasn’t great in bed. Jay expected this reaction from her all along though. I mean, Mal was bisexual, yes, but on the Isle, she’d slept almost exclusively with girls. Guys in bed just usually didn’t do it for her, and I don’t think from the look of him any villain kid was really convinced Ben had the chops to satisfy the selective fae. It was even rumored that Mal was his first.   
Jay obviously said none of this and just nodded his head, urging for Mal who was now devouring her own bottom lip to continue with the story.    
“And basically, I...well I moaned the wrong name during sex.”    
Mal buried her face in the palms of her hands and groaned after squeaking the confession out, feeling the intense burn of Jay’s eyes on her as she blushed heavily.

Jay was indeed staring, his eyebrows so raised they almost met his hairline and his mouth clearly ajar. He didn’t know what he thought she was going to say, but that certainly wasn’t it.    
“...Shit, wow. Okay yeah, that’s pretty bad not gonna lie. Who the hell?”    
If Mal’s face had been burning before it was literally hot to the touch now, her face heavy with wrinkles of worry and mortification as she pulled her hands away to look up at Jay pleadingly like he had some kind of solution for her predicament.    
“It doesn’t matter who it was Jay, either way, he was gonna lose his shit! And I can’t even blame him.”   
Jay shook his head, resting a reassuring hand on Mal’s knee as she returned to chewing on her bottom lip. 

“No, no, who it was matters very much. Not only because I’m curious as fuck, but because it makes a big difference to Ben too. I mean, is it someone he knows? Is it an ex of yours? Is it someone you’ve literally never been sexually involved with? I mean c’mon Mal, there’s a lot of variables here. Was this a genuinely random, once in a lifetime slip-up we’re talking about here, or was this someone you actually were fantasizing about? Work with me here babe.”    
Mal knew Jay was genuinely just curious and also trying to be helpful, but all the questions were only stressing her out more, and by the time he actually paused to let her formulate a response she was seething with frustration. If her eyes weren’t glowing yet, they would be in a second.   
  
“I DON’T KNOW! I don’t know okay! I’m so- I’m so confused and annoyed with myself right now for messing things up this badly. I just...I don’t understand why I said that name and I’m so angry. It’s someone Ben knows which makes things so much worse, and I mean it’s someone I’ve had sex with sure, but not in a long ass time? And it’s not like I think about them a lot or anything but maybe...maybe I have been thinking about them lately without even realizing it? Just because Ben is so dissatisfying, and when I was with  _ them _ it was never like this! It was effortless. It was like...like  _ electricity _ .”   
The end of Mal’s angry ramble had ended much softer and breathier than she’d intended, and when she turned to look up at Jay again he was back to his raised eyebrows look of shock. 

Jay knew that glazed over look in Mal’s eye, that’s not a look someone makes when they’re just talking about someone they fucked once five years ago. No, that was a look of lust and maybe something more. Maybe even love. Mal could see the gears turning in her friend’s head and she shook her’s, scoffing at the knowing look he was giving her as if he’d figured her all out when not even Mal had any idea what was going on with herself. Sometimes she felt like she hardly knew the girl staring back at her in the mirror at all.    
“He thinks I’m cheating on him or something stupid like that.”    
“Well, define cheating. I mean if you have feelings for another person…”    
Mal rolled her eyes, shoving Jay’s hand from off her knee as she started pushing herself up from off the floor.   
“I don’t have feelings for another person! I LOVE BEN!”   
  
Several other students had started entering the gym to do their own Sunday morning workout routines, and Mal got several nasty glares at how loud she was being. Mal was cringing too, not because she’d yelled but because it was obvious she was trying to convince herself of the sentiment as much as she was Jay. In a much lower voice, Mal continued speaking, almost whispering.   
“...And furthermore, even if I did have feelings for someone else, which I don’t by the way, I’m not acting on anything, which means I’m not cheating.”    
“Just leading him on.”   
Mal sucked air in through her tightly grit teeth, gathering her things from off the gym ground and placing them inside her backpack. Jay sighed, helping her begrudgingly.    
“You sound like Evie.” 

At the mention of her name Mal nearly jumped out of her skin, but a quick glance at Jay’s face which proved to have no wise, douchebag smile made it clear he hadn’t realized the unintentional irony of his comment.    
“What do you mean?”   
Jay rolled his eyes as if the parallel were obvious, watching as Mal threw on an oversized dark green sweatshirt to protect her exposed skin from the cold. Even if the girl’s dormitory was close, the morning air was ridiculously cold as they’d both learned from the walk here.    
“Ya know, breaking up with a guy you’re unintentionally leading on so that you can both be happy with someone else?”   
  
Mal considered this stance before scoffing, allowing Jay to escort her towards the gym doors. They were heading to breakfast together unspokenly, as they did most mornings.    
“Well, Evie didn’t break up with Doug because she had feelings for another person.”    
At the strange silence that met her sentence, Mal stopped walking just before heading outside and met her eye’s with Jay’s. They were shimmering mischievously, and the namesake smile was back on Jay’s lips as she squinted up at him and furrowed her brow.    
“Oh, is that right? My bad.”   
  
Mal wasn’t given the chance to question his odd behavior before he waltzed outside into the crisp air and Mal had to hurry to catch up, sighing as he started peppering her with more questions.    
“So you LOVE Ben, huh?”   
Mal rolled her eyes like that was the stupidest question she’d ever heard, even though it made an oddly tight feeling form in her chest. Not the butterflies kind, but the guilt kind.    
“Well, he’s my boyfriend,  _ Jayden _ .”    
Mal snarkily used Jay’s full name which he hated, earning her a punch to the arm of her own as they walked stride in stride towards the barren campus. Not many people were out and up this early on a weekend.    
“That doesn’t mean you love him. I mean, you could just care about him a lot.”   
  
Mal scoffed, but was secretly enjoying the conversation an embarrassing amount. Not only because it was rare that Jay ever let himself get this sentimental, but because secretly she’d been wondering the same thing herself for months. She’d have talked to Evie about it, but for some reason, she felt like the topic of Ben made her friend a little uncomfortable. Mal assumed it was just jealousy, which was fair enough because even she could admit she was bad at balancing acts.    
“What’s the difference, really.”   
Jay shrugged with a chuckle.   
“A lot, or so I’ve been told.”   
  
Mal shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose frustratedly. She didn’t know relationships were this complicated. Were they meant to be this complicated?   
“Ugh, I don’t understand love.”    
Jay hooked his arm around her neck, pulling her in for a side hug as they approached the cafeteria terrace.    
“You and me both Mal, you and me both.” 

Neither friend said anything more until they’d entered the cafeteria, the rigidity that had gone unnoticed by both of them leaving their bodies as they enjoyed the nice heating of the large room. On the Isle, there had been no such thing, and with this being the villain kid’s first winter in Auradon it was a commodity they were heavily enjoying and still adjusting to. Mal was happy to see that the caf was largely empty, but was also unsurprised seeing as the two vagabonds were there so early- maybe 15 minutes after it had opened for the day. They’d always been the early risers of the group though, enjoying a good morning workout and the feel of dawn on their skin. Evie and Carlos, on the other hand, could sleep till dinner if no one woke them, so neither Jay nor Mal were surprised to see their typical lunch table near the back corner empty. The only other students in the cafeteria were ones neither of them knew, save one girl who Mal thought she might’ve recognized from her calculus class making some tea. 

“So, are you actually gonna tell me the name you yelled while fucking Ben or what?”    
Mal shot Jay the nastiest glare she could muster but he could see the way the corners of her mouth twitched slightly with a smile, his bluntness never failed to make her laugh. Jay was still chuckling to himself as they set their stuff down at their rounded table to save the spot before making their way up to the breakfast food.    
“Okay but seriously, after all that you’re gonna blue balls me with this?”   
Mal snickered but secretly she was feeling very anxious, playing absentmindedly with the hair tie around her wrist, snapping it. She knew if she told Jay about her and Ben’s fight he’d want to know whose name she’d said, I mean of course he would, and Jay COULDN’T know the name she’d said, because if he did she’d never hear the end of it, even though it meant nothing. 

“That I am.”    
Mal avoided Jay’s eyes as she grabbed a tray and started loading it with her regular breakfast, 2 pieces of toast with strawberry jam, bacon strips, scrambled eggs, and the blackest hot coffee they had- no cream no sugar. Yeah, she was one of those people.    
“Okay I get it, you don’t trust me.”    
Jay was clearly just trying to guilt-trip her as he filled his own tray up with sausage, and she laughed at his pathetic little pout as she handed the woman at the register her school ID. All the villain kids were allowed free meals from the school, for obvious reasons.    
“Oh please you fucking baby, it’s not like that. It’s just embarrassing and I know you’ll never stop ragging on me for it if I tell you.”

Suddenly the pout left Jay’s face and his eyes lit up, the smirk quickly returning to his face. Mal eyed him suspiciously as he too showed the cafeteria lady his school ID.    
“Oh, okay.”    
Now, here’s the thing about Jay, he is not a quitter. Jay hated not being “in” on things he thought he ought to be in on, and furthermore, he’s both relentless and stubborn. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in Mal’s mind that he wouldn’t have any problem bugging her over this name situation for several months until she cracked and finally told him. So when he suddenly seemed so fine with dropping the subject, Mal could tell there was more to the story. 

She glared at him incredulously the entire way to their cafeteria table, and by the time they were sitting down to eat breakfast, Jay was laughing.   
“Take a pic Mal.”   
She narrowed her eyes and smiled, shaking her head as she speared some eggs with her fork.    
“I’m just trying to figure out who I’m eating breakfast with right now because there’s no way my annoying ass friend Jay would ever drop something like this so quickly.”   
  
Jay shrugged his shoulders coyly as he chewed, speaking with his mouth full in a way that probably would have made most Auradon kids cringe. Mal hardly even noticed.    
“No, no it’s me. I just don’t need you to tell me.”   
Mal repeated his sentence back to him slowly with a smile, trying to make it make sense and figure out what Jay was playing at.    
“You don’t need me to tell you, huh?”   
“Nope.”   
Jay popped the ‘p’ at the end of his response to exaggerate the careless nature in which he was regarding the conversation. Mal watched silently as he took a long sip from his milk carton.  
  
“Because I already know.”    
Mal laughed heartily, nearly spewing coffee out of her nose. Now she could see that her friend was merely bluffing, right? I mean how could he know? Jay kept his sly smile throughout the entirety of her outburst, waiting for her to catch her breath. Just as quickly as she’d started laughing she stopped, cocking her head at the way Jay’s face gave away nothing as it usually would when he was pulling her leg. He  _ was _ pulling her leg, right?   
“Oh shut up Jay, I haven’t told you anything how could you know?”    
Even Mal could hear her own doubt in her voice, so Jay merely shook his head and neglected to respond as he rose from the table to get more milk. The stupid smile wouldn’t leave his face, even as Mal resumed biting her lip nervously.   
“God, Carlos is gonna love this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am at a loss for words- all the comments I've received have made me so so happy and motivated y'all you have no idea, I mean I've published a new chapter every day almost so that should say a lot haha. I'm just so ecstatic at all the kind positive feedback I've gotten thus far and I'm so eager to keep sharing this story with you guys, tysm for reading and commenting such thought-provoking and sweet things, I loooove the discussions!!! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter- I think after his actions in the last chap this kind of redeems Jay a bit- definitely seems like Evie was right in saying he's not at all dumb huh. And finally, there's a less Evie-centric chapter, but what do you think abt Mal and Ben's conflict? I mean everyone makes mistakes right (; but was it a mistake?
> 
> Thank you all sm again, y'all are great <3   
> -Abbie


	4. She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

“It’s not even that Mal said the wrong name, I mean of course I’d have been upset either way but, it’s just- she said HER name. Her best friend’s name, her roommate’s name. I mean she said it was just an accident, that she was only thinking about her because of something that happened at your party, but...”  
“Do you believe her?”  
Even though Audrey had her nose deep in some magazine Ben could tell she was listening by the way her brows were furrowed so vehemently, plus she shooed off Chad frustratedly any time he tried distracting her with a kiss, proving she was invested in all the newest little details of her ex’s love life. Ben came to her frequently when he was having girl troubles, but this particular fight was one of the juiciest she’d heard in a long time.  
“I mean I want to because I don’t think Mal would cheat...no scratch that, I know she wouldn’t. I’ve just had a few suspicions in the past about them though, that’s what makes this so difficult to just brush off.”  
Audrey glanced up at him with intrigue as she flipped to the next page.  
“Suspicions? Elaborate.”

Ben sighed at her request because it was hard to vocalize his concerns and not just sound like an overly-obsessed, clingy, jealous boyfriend. At times he worried that’s all he was, because he knew in the back of his head that, truthfully, Mal and him would never have the same bond she had with Jay, Carlos and Evie. Not because they’d known each other longer, because time could only mean so much, but because they had all been through the same experiences on that island, experiences he would never have. They were made from the same mold, cut from the same cloth. He could try his best to understand what she went through, he could offer her lots of sympathy, he could connect with her over lots of other things, but he could never relate to her in the same way that they could, and that was something he feared he’d never be able to move past. The biggest most important parts of his girlfriend he simply could never understand beyond surface-level empathy, and they both knew it. 

More than that though, there was something about Mal and her friends, something about Mal and Evie that he couldn’t put into words. It was something about the way they looked at one another like they had a past. It was in the way he felt so incredibly small when Evie looked at him while holding Mal’s hand like they were more than she and Ben would ever be. It was in the way that Evie cried so hard at Cotillion during the ballroom dance, and Carlos had to run off and comfort her. It was in the way Mal would always answer Evie’s calls before his, saying that Evie simply needed her more. It was in the way that Jay and Carlos never took him seriously, almost like they knew he was a phase. Maybe Ben was just insecure because Mal and his relationship had a cracked foundation. It was a relationship built off of lies and potions and distrust. He was meant to be a pawn in the beginning. Maybe he still was. 

Ben never revealed any of these feelings to Mal, which was probably why they had so many fights, but he just couldn’t imagine vocalizing most of his insecurities. They sounded unjust and stupid even to him, so he could only imagine how asinine Mal would find them. Besides, he was utterly in love with her, and denial is a powerful thing. Cute picnics and surprise bouquets and dinner dates with diplomats sure, but communication had never really been their...thing. That being said denial and avoidance can only work for so long, and when your significant other starts saying their best friend’s name during sex...well, it’s a wake-up call.   
  
“They’re just...weird sometimes. I don’t know how to explain it really, it sounds stupid. But, I mean, you’ve seen it. You don’t think they’re kind of weird?”  
Audrey looked back at Ben sympathetically, but she had a blank stare that said she most definitely didn’t see what he saw. Ben sighed.  
“Oh come on. Evie’s breakup with Doug was awfully convenient timing, what with me and Mal being on a break just before Cotillion. And Doug told me that during their breakup Evie explained she was leaving him because she had feelings for another person.”  
Audrey went back to her magazine, trying hard not to roll her eyes because she figured it wouldn’t make her distressed friend feel all that better. Really she wanted to though, anyone could hear he sounded ridiculous.  
  
“You don’t know that ‘other person’ was Mal, Benny. Quit jumping to crazy conclusions and trying to make something out of nothing. Plus, we’re really trusting what that weirdo, dwarf band-kid is saying now? You’re grasping at straws.”  
Ben huffed, running a hand through his hair in annoyance. The amused look on Chad’s face wasn’t helping.  
“Firstly, Doug is cool. Secondly, I don’t think the idea of Mal and Evie having feelings for one another is a ‘crazy conclusion’ Audrey, I mean they’re roommates! The idea of your girlfriend sleeping in the same room as someone else every night would make anyone nervous.”  
“It shouldn’t if you trust her! I mean they’re best friends Ben they do best friend things! Girls aren’t like guys Ben, they’re touchy-feely and shit, they hold hands and kiss on the cheek and-”  
“Tell me, do you moan Jane’s name during sex?”  
  
At hearing his question Audrey’s roommate, who up until this point had been silently trying to tune out the King’s intimate conversation, blushed heavily, diving her head further into her book with a squeak of embarrassment. Ben tried to give the back of her head an apologetic look. Lonnie on the other hand, Audrey’s other roommate who was being much less discreet about listening to the two speak, started snort-laughing from her desk above them.  
“That’d be so hot. Look, just embrace this dude I don’t see the problem. Do you not think Evie’s fuckable? Because I’d totally-”  
Audrey struck her boyfriend over the head with her magazine, glaring at him until he put his hands up in defense and scooched further away from her with a dejected look. Lonnie laughed harder, Jane...hid harder?  
  
“No _Ben_ , I don’t. But I’m also straight and satisfied with the sex I’m having.”  
Ben scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest like a defiant child.  
“What, so you think I’m not satisfying her?”  
Audrey set down her magazine and stared at Ben as if he were the biggest moron she’d ever seen. In a lot of ways, he might have been.  
“What I’m trying to say is, if she’s bisexual, and your sex isn’t cutting it for her, then it could explain why she said a girl’s name in bed on accident. It just happened to be Evie’s name because it was the first girl who came to mind.”  
Ben considered this explanation for a minute, pursing his lips.  
“She never said anything about being bi to me...so I don’t know how plausible that is.”  
Audrey was so close to facepalming she actually had to clench her fists.  
“Well Benny, she did moan a chick’s name while you were under her. I’d say it’s pretty plausible.”

Chad gaped, leaning in to grab Ben by the knee.  
“Wait wait wait, dude, _she’s_ the top!?”  
Ben shoved Chad off him as he started cackling, and again Lonnie started snorting. Jane’s face was so red she looked like she was about to set fire to her Auradonian Studies textbook. Ben actually wanted to disappear into thin air, sufficiently sick of this conversation. Audrey quickly smacked her boyfriend upside the head yet again using her magazine, which thankfully made Chad stop laughing and clutch his head, mumbling under his breath some half baked apology where he tacked on at the end how “he just couldn’t believe their King was a bottom”. Ben simply closed his eyes and rubbed his temples frustratedly. He’d asked _Audrey_ if he could come over to her dorm to talk about his relationship troubles, and hadn’t really expected for Lonnie, Chad, and Jane to all be there too, much less participating in the discussion. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant surprise, to say the least, and beast boy’s patience was wearing thin. 

I mean granted, it wasn’t like he really even wanted to talk to Audrey about what had happened either, but she was really his only option and he knew couldn’t work this out alone. Being King didn’t mean you automatically had friends. In fact, it usually meant the opposite. He had lots of acquaintances, people who smiled at him, waved to him, wanted to be his partner or sit next to him in class, he was a very well-liked guy. But that being said, no one really wants to be _besties_ with the guy who taxes you. When he tried to just be a normal teen it could come off as...awkward, to say the least. He wasn’t very fun, you could say, unless it was coaxed out of him. Polite yes, friendly, responsible, loyal, but _fun?_ Not so much. Since the other three villain kids were his only other real friends, who naturally he didn’t want to discuss Mal and his personal affairs with, Audrey was really all he had left. 

It wasn’t like Ben hated Audrey or anything, in fact even though they were exes, and Mal along with the other villain kids seemed to detest her, Ben actually got on well with the spoiled Princess and valued her company most of the time. They knew each other far better than most, partly because they’d grown up together and partly because they’d dated for five years, and people like that are kind of impossible to cut off anyhow. Ben liked to think she wasn’t all that unbearable if you just got to know her...for the most part. Most importantly, she was the only girl he knew who was good at giving relationship advice, even if right now she was caught up in some fling with bonehead Chad which he most definitely did _not_ approve of. Everyone knew it was nothing long term though, some people just need a rebound.   
  
“No offense Ben, but honestly I don’t know how you didn’t see she this coming.”  
Lonnie by this point was shamelessly full-on invested in the conversation not meant for her, leaning over in her chair to listen so much that sometime in the last few minutes she’d even gotten up from the desk to come sit next to Audrey, Chad, and Ben on the floor without anyone noticing. And now she was actively part of the conversation, I guess. As offended as Ben was by her words, he was willing to dejectedly accept any help he could at the moment. I mean really, what had he gained from this conversation thus far? That Mal was either into girls and never told him about it, thought he sucked in bed, or, most plausibly, both. He was more confused than when he got here.  
“See what coming?”  
  
Lonnie sat up, pushing back her short hair as if she were a medium ready to read Ben’s palms and tell him the secrets of his love life and personal affairs. She also has a very smug smile on her face, that made Ben kind of uncomfortable.  
“Well firstly, the girl is gayer than Carlos, so I’m not really sure how or why you’re surprised she’s bisexual, secondly-”  
Ben cut the girl off quickly, looking to Audrey who seemed to have removed herself from the conversation for help. She was hiding her small smile with the edge of her magazine, hoping her blunt bestie wouldn’t crush soft little Benny too badly.  
“Woah hey, we don’t know that!”  
Ben sounded awfully defensive, but Lonnie merely giggled.  
“About Carlos or about Mal?”  
“About either!”  
  
Lonnie pulled the hair tie that was around her wrist off and started playing with her hair, pulling it back into a short messy ponytail just to show Ben how insignificant she found this conversation. Ben’s mouth was still ajar.  
“Actually, yes we do. About both bud.”  
Ben hated how she was treating all this like it was common knowledge, was this common knowledge? Ben wasn’t exactly the best at keeping up with school news and gossip, ya know, being King and all.  
“But- I thought Carlos was literally dating Jane?”  
At her name being mentioned once again, Jane turned slightly in her chair, her nose poking out just above her book as she gave Lonnie a death glare. Lonnie plunged forward into the conversation anyway.  
“They broke up like three days before Cotillion, but still went together as friends. He told her it was cause he’s gay and likes-”  
“L-LONNIE!”  
  
Jane’s voice actually made Ben jump, seeing as the shy girl hadn’t uttered a word since he showed up at their dorm room an hour ago. Lonnie smiled apologetically, smacking a hand over her mouth to mumble an apology.  
“Not your secret to tell.”  
That was all Jane said before turning around again shaking her head. Ben was still stuck on the fact that he’d somehow missed all this, and stared at Audrey starstruck. She gave him a small shrug as if to say she too didn't understand how he was so oblivious and out of the loop.  
“As for Mal? Jay told me. Well, technically it was less like he told me and more like he just let it accidentally slip out during swords and shields practice like a few weeks ago, but either way, she’s definitely bi.”

Before Ben or anyone else who was looking at Lonnie with wide eyes could grill her she continued speaking with ignorant confidence. “-Anyways if all that wasn’t enough, it’s also pretty clear she’s just not all that into you Ben. Your relationship was a bell chart, like there was something for a minute there in the middle but now? She’s obviously bored and-”  
“LONNIE!”  
Audrey screeched the name so angrily it hardly even sounded like a name and more of an insult. Lonnie jumped at the sudden interruption and looked at her best friend with bewildered confusion.  
“WHAT!? IT’S TRUE! YOU’VE AGREED!!”  
“YEAH, BUT THEY’VE BEEN DATING FOR LIKE SIX MONTHS YOU CAN’T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! AND BEN IS SENSI-”  
“You...you really don’t think she’s into me anymore?”  
Ben’s voice came out as such a soft, sad whisper in contrast to the screaming filling their dorm room that it silenced both the girls instantaneously. They each exchanged looks, sympathetic expressions on their faces. Ben could tell by the way Lonnie scratched the back of her neck that even though she was being defensive, she felt bad about the slip-up. Ben was in fact very sensitive, even if he tried not to let it on. 

“Aw Ben, Lonnie didn’t mean to- look I just think Mal’s confused Ben, I don’t think she knows what she wants.”  
She seemed pretty sure of what she wanted when she was telling him she loved him over and over last night, before the name Evie slipped her lips and time stood still. Maybe that phrase was directed for her, for Evie.  
_“I love you, I love you, God I love you, I love you so much………….Evie.”_  
Ben shuddered, taking a deep breath.  
“I just really want us to work. When we work it’s amazing guys, when it’s good it’s not just good it’s great. I love her.”  
  
Lonnie and Audrey in sync both put a hand on each of Ben’s shoulder’s respectively, seeing the way he was truly trying to hold back tears.  
“Aw, screw her man.”  
Chad spoke up from where he’d finished sulking a few feet away, seemingly trying to be nice, but Ben merely shook his head, trying to shake off the heavy and painful feeling in his chest.  
“No, this isn’t her fault. If she’s not into me she’s not into me, you can’t control how you feel, especially if she’s...into girls more, or something.”  
The phrase came out awkward and felt weird on his tongue, just because it wasn’t something he was accustomed to thinking or saying. I mean he’d had suspicions about Mal and Evie before, but for some reason, it’d never clicked in his head before that technically that would make Mal into girls. He just thought Evie was a special case, I guess. 

“No Ben, Chad’s right. She’s fucking with your head and leading you on. If she’s so confused she should’ve broken up with you, or asked for a break at least. It would’ve hurt less than dragging it out like this.”  
Ben again shook his head, though he agreed with what Audrey was saying. She was so angry the hand on his shoulder was literally shaking, and he couldn’t understand why he didn’t feel the same. I mean it didn’t help that already Audrey didn’t like Mal, but Ben could recognize that he should have been at least a little angered by his girlfriend’s actions. But he couldn’t be, he couldn’t be mad at Mal. How could he? In a lot of ways, she was like a child. She was learning everything for the first time, she was trying to change and adjust and heal and, it wasn’t her fault when she made mistakes, not really anyway. No one had taught her. 

Since their fight prior to Cotillion when Mal ran back to the Isle, Ben had been trying to work harder on being more understanding, he never wanted to lash out at her again for something like that, for her being different and slower to change. Maybe a relationship just shouldn’t have been the first thing for her to jump into here in Auradon. Maybe he shared some of the blame here. Ben remembered her saying they didn’t really date back on the Isle, love was weakness. Ben also remembered her saying she didn’t know what love was until she met him. But maybe, she still didn’t know what it was, not truly. Because she never looked at him like she looked at her friends, and even if she didn’t know it, _that_ was love. 

“This isn’t her fault, guys. I mean the situation is shitty but you’ve got to be understanding...it’s not like she’s _trying_ to hurt anyone, and it’s not like she doesn’t care about me. I know she cares about me.”  
“She has a funny way of showing it.”  
Audrey spoke with her teeth grit, staring down at her lap. Ben couldn’t tell if she was so enraged because she was jealous and just wanted them to break up because she wanted Ben back, or because she genuinely cared about him as a friend. He guessed it was probably a combination of both, because that was just Audrey.  
“Well, no one ever showed _her_ that, no one ever cared for her outside her three friends. But I know she does Audrey, you should’ve seen her face last night after she slipped up and said someone else’s name. I’ve never seen someone look so guilty in their whole life.”  
  
Ben paused for a moment, trying hard to formulate what he was thinking and figure out what he wanted to do.  
“I just want her to be happy, really.”  
Audrey sighed and pulled away her hand, clearly dissatisfied with that outcome. She played with her hair just to give her hands something to do. Lonnie was awkwardly silent but kept her hand on Ben anyway.  
“Then talk to her, I guess. Figure out what she wants and what she needs, see if you guys can make it work. Most of what we said was just guess-work and speculation anyway, right?  
  
Audrey eyed Lonnie and she nodded her head enthusiastically, clearly trying to make up for having brought the conversation here in the first place. Ben was kind of thankful though, at least someone could be honest with him.  
“Yeah totally, I mean maybe we were way off base and the girl’s head over heels for you!”  
Even though he perked up at this idea and nodded his head, he knew in the back of his mind that it wasn’t true. He tried to push this thought as far back as he could. Selfishly he wanted them to work it out like always, he wanted them to stay together, of course he wanted them to stay together he loved her. Maybe in time, he told himself, he could teach Mal to love him back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie a different perspective hmm, what are y'all's thoughts on the Auradon kids I'm v curious haha. I tried to make them all decently likable, especially Ben since I think he gets the short end of the stick when it comes to the movies, but does this put a wrench in anyone's mALvIE plans!!?? :O Do we feel bad for the prince or not so much? Were his friends right in all their speculating? I guess we'll just have to wait and see huh? (; 
> 
> I cannot thank you guys enough for all the sweet sweet comments, it literally makes me so fucking happy and excited to write and I have no words I'm just astonished haha- you guys are seriously the best and I appreciate you so so much.
> 
> Sidenote lol I'm sorry this chapter and the last are a bit shorter than the first two !! I'm still trying to keep them decently long (3000+ words minimum) but it's hard to do that AND update so frequently lmao. Your girls tryin'! Hopefully, chapter 5 is longer. Anyway, tysm for reading and lemme know your thoughts/feedback/predictions in the comments!! <3  
> -Abbie


	5. Lesson Zero

“I am SO sorry I’m late Jane, I totally forgot we were supposed to meet at the cafeteria around six for breakfast, and I slept in!! I’m not usually up that early, clearly. Mal always brings me something back to eat around like, ten instead...so I didn’t even think to change my 9am alarm, ehehe.”    
Jane gave Evie a sympathetic smile from the doorway as the blue girl laughed nervously, she was awfully relieved that Evie was in fact the visitor at her dorm room door. She’d started to worry that Evie had forgotten about their meeting altogether, meaning she’d have to complete the entirety of their Auradonian Studies project herself. Which she would have done without putting up much of a fight of course, but it still would’ve sucked, and seemed unlike Evie who was surprisingly studious. Jane couldn’t feel too happy and relieved though, because she was seriously distracted by Evie’s appearance. She looked...off.

For starters, Jane was pretty sure she was still in her pajamas, given how wrinkled the red long sleeve and black leggings she was wearing were. Plus, her hair was undone and thrown up into a messy bun, several blue curls falling out and framing around her face. She had makeup on at least but not very much, and it wasn’t done to her usual perfectionist standards. Just some lip gloss, light foundation, and mascara maybe, she looked gorgeous as always of course, but it was just noticeably different from her usual over-the-top style. This was probably the most casual Jane had ever seen the Isle girl look, in fact. Which wouldn’t have been all that alarming if Jane hadn’t looked closely, in doing so being able to plainly notice Evie’s dark circles and bloodshot eyes. 

Jane spent an embarrassing amount of her time admiring Evie in class when she should have been listening to lectures, so maybe that’s why all of this jumped out at her so. She just thought the younger girl was pretty and inspiring, not to mention trendy. Either way, she felt her eyebrows furrow at how tired and frazzled the poor girl looked, like she’d literally just run here. Plus, she guessed she was at least a little bit hungover from last night, given she knew how Audrey’s weekend parties usually went, even if she herself chose to stay home. It wasn’t like her and Evie were best friends or anything, they just had mutual friends and social circles that crossed paths, but Jane was an empath and couldn’t help but worry about her class partner. She just looked very, weak?   
  
“Oh, it’s okay Evie! That’s what I figured anyway when you weren’t down at the cafeteria. But hey, we can push the meeting to later if you want, ya know. I couldn’t help but notice you look a little...”  
Evie’s shy smile immediately faltered as Jane trailed off, and she reached up to touch her hair and face with her hands worriedly, running a finger over her lip and eyebrows and under her chin almost in a panic. Jane immediately regretted having said anything, shrinking behind the dorm room door.   
“Oh God, do I really look that bad??”  
 _You always look ‘that bad’, hon._   
Hurriedly Jane, who was horrified by her reaction, tried to reassure Evie that that’s not what she’d meant, but the damage had already been done. Evie had avoided looking at herself in the mirror this morning while hurriedly getting ready for her own sake, not only because she was already so late but because she knew she’d only tear herself down more and she was scared. She was so frail this morning and she thought it’d be fine to just skip out on her morning routine for once, just this once. Apparently, it was even worse than she’d initially thought. 

She did this odd tactic every few weeks, covering up all the mirrors on her side of their dorm room with sheets like a crazy person, who jumped whenever she saw her reflection in something shiny by accident. It was like she thought if she could just hide from her appearance, she could fool herself into not caring about it, or into liking it, even. It had yet proven to lead to anything other than an even bigger breakdown, though. When left to fill in the blanks, her thoughts usually ran wild and her head made herself look worse than she actually looked to begin with. There’s really no escaping from your own body, whether she obsessing over it endlessly or avoiding looking at it all together she always felt equally inadequate. Now she just felt inadequate  _ and _ out of control, great.   
  
“No, oh my gosh no you look- um, great! Sorry, I just meant, you seem tired- like, hungover and a little stressed? I just, don’t want to inconvenience you if you’re not feeling your best, ya know? That’s all I meant!”   
Evie tried to smile and nod her head because she felt guilty that  _ Jane _ felt so bad, seeing as she hadn’t done anything wrong. After all, she was simply being honest, which the struggling girl appreciated. I mean, better coming from her than from Mal, right? Evie could tell by the way Jane bit her lip though that her forced smile wasn’t a very convincing one, but Evie simply didn’t have the energy to muster up something better. She felt like she was going to be sick, or pass out, or maybe both. She just wanted to go back to bed. She wanted to see Mal, when was the last time she’d seen Mal? Last night was a blur, either because Evie was blocking out the traumatic night subconsciously or because she’d genuinely been too drunk, but whichever it was made it feel like it’d been forever since she’d seen Mal. She remembered all the end of the night with Carlos and Jay though, of course. The one bit she wouldn’t  _ mind  _ forgetting. She made a mental note to speak to the both of them again later today maybe, now that her head was actually screwed on right. Maybe it wasn’t too late to back-peddle.   
  
“I didn’t mean to offend you really, you look really casual and comfy Evie it’s- it’s cool!”   
_ Comfy and casual _ \- the words buried themselves under Evie’s skin like a knife to the gut. That was like, the sweetest way possible of saying Evie looked like shit and they both knew it. Which was fair because Evie _ knew _ she must’ve, her face felt swollen from crying all night and her stomach felt bloated, she was literally wearing pajamas, she’d hardly ran a brush through her hair, and her makeup was pitiful. Her head had just hurt so  _ badly _ this morning and she felt so  _ gross _ , she wanted to just leave the room before she changed her mind. Now she was kind of wishing she had changed her mind. Instead, she just flashed another smile. All teeth.    
“Aw don’t worry Jane, I know what you meant. To be fair I  _ do _ look kind of crazy this morning! Like I said I’m just not an early riser, and you were right, I’m definitely a little hungover haha. But hey! I’m so down to still work on our project if you are, just gimme a few minutes to freshen up in your bathroom and I’ll be good to go.”    
  
Jane sighed in relief, smiling back at the revelation that Evie wasn’t totally upset with her.    
“Okay, great! I’m glad you know what I meant to say. Also, I'm kind of getting worried about our deadline so, I’m glad you’re fine to work today, honestly. Um, come on in I guess.”   
Jane stepped to the side and opened up the door to her, Audrey and Lonnie’s dorm room. Evie had always liked their dorm a lot, seeing as it was bigger than almost every other girl’s. Unlike everyone else in the building, they were the only set of three girls instead of two, so naturally, their dorm was going to be more spacious. Plus, they got special privileges, what with Audrey being a royal and Jane being the daughter of one of the school’s higher-ups. Evie liked both Jane and Audrey’s aesthetics and decorating styles a lot, so two-thirds of the room was girly and frilly and totally her vibe- though, maybe a little too much pink for her taste. Lonnie’s corner stuck out like a sore thumb for sure, what with the swords and much more tomboy decorum, but it wasn’t messy or anything, and even though it clashed a little bit, Evie still liked it. Overall it was a pretty cool room that she’d only been inside of briefly a few times before, and she welcomed the distraction. 

“Um, Ben was over super early this morning talking with Audrey and Lonnie...they all just left a few minutes ago to go grab breakfast though I think, so I don’t know when or if they’re going to be back. They won’t bother us though if they do come back, or we can always head to the library too if they get too loud.”   
Evie nodded her head, quietly, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. She really didn’t want to see any more people than was necessary today, especially not Ben. Not because she didn’t ‘like’ Ben as a person, or because he wasn’t a very nice albeit dumb guy, because he definitely was, but because he was just a friendly reminder of her inferiority. Whenever she was around him she got bitter and jealous without even meaning to, she got nasty and she knew it. Plus, every time she looked at his smug little face all she could see was Mal’s beautiful one pressed to it, see her laying on top of him, holding his hand, kissing his lips. She hated it- an hour with the two of them was worse than an hour on the Isle, and that said a lot. 

And then Audrey, well, Audrey was just an asshole Evie worried she didn’t have the energy to tell off today. If Audrey commented on her appearance, or so much as looked at her funny, it might very easily send her over the edge. Now that two people alongside her mother knew about one of her secrets, maybe even three people depending on if Jay was confident enough in his speculations to have squealed to Mal or not, which was something Evie decided not to think about, she felt like  _ everyone _ knew. Like the word  _ UGLY _ or  _ PATHETIC _ was written across her forehead in permanent marker or something, or like her clothes were see-through and everyone was staring at the disgusting marks on her bulging thigh. Just somehow it’d become obvious to everyone overnight, and they all knew how truly disgusting she was now. Her mother’s words echoed in her head.    
“ _ Do you think any man will ever find you desirable if he sees THESE?!” _ __   
_ “Now you’ll be lucky if the men living in the alley will even touch you, you DUMB WHORE!”  
_ __ “DO YOU EVEN WANT TO BE PRETTY!?” 

That last question never failed to send shivers down her spine because she did, she wanted to be pretty more than anything which was the worst part. Evie knew Carlos was right last night when he said as long as she kept playing her mother’s games and following her mother’s rules she was letting her win, she was letting her maintain her control over her. And yet Evie couldn’t stop, because if she stopped playing the game that means she lost, and at least this way mother and her were both still playing, both at a stalemate. She could deal with a forever stalemate. She knew she couldn’t win anyway, she didn’t even know what pretty  _ was _ anymore, unless she had someone to tell her. But just so long as she didn’t lose, then it almost felt like she was succeeding at  _ something,  _ at least. 

Evie recalled the other things Carlos had said that stuck with her, the things about how it was different to be hurt here, it wasn’t normal here like it was on the Isle. But that thought terrified Evie, she  _ wanted _ to be normal. Well no, she wanted to be BETTER than normal, far better, but more importantly, she just didn’t want to be  _ abnormal _ , so she could settle for normal. She could learn to crave normalcy. People here thought she was the average Auradon girl, she liked to think that if everyone didn’t already know she was from the Isle they wouldn’t have even known. She wasn’t shaky like Carlos and she wasn’t untrusting like Mal and she wasn’t criminal like Jay- she was broken too sure, but it was all out of sight, like some kind of cheap magic trick. If the magic got ruined though, if the crowd learned her tricks, they’d stop coming to watch the show. She’d be ruined and there would be no fixing it. 

Carlos was seemingly trying to subtly hint at the fact that Evie might need  _ help _ , which was an almost laughable thought. She didn’t need  _ help _ , this wasn’t anyone else’s job to fix. Just like how her problems affected only her and her alone, save maybe Carlos yes who also was slightly burdened by her secrets, it would be on her alone to ‘fix’ them too, should she ever decide to. But she wouldn’t, so it didn’t matter. It was impossible to fix what was wrong with her. Carlos of all people should understand that. Just like how he would never be able to fully stop panicking slightly at the sight of a dog, or flinching at loud sounds and shouting, Evie would never be able to see herself as beautiful, or capable of being loved, as anything more than an object for men to use. You can’t fix the past. Even if you tell yourself what you were taught was wrong or a lie, it still doesn’t erase those lessons. You can try and teach yourself new lessons, you can try and discredit those old lessons, but they will  _ always _ be there in the deepest corners of your mind.

So Evie decided she was going to embrace her lessons, expand upon them. She wasn’t like her friends. She couldn’t understand what secret potions or spells they’d been fed over the course of the last few months to somehow defy these things that she knew to be true. How could they seemingly be so happy and satisfied with only these new lessons, so  _ whole _ ? Evie knew she could never be happy if she just stopped trying to be perfect, how could she be? From the day she was born she was told that was her one goal in life, her one purpose. And she heard Carlos when he said him and Jay and Mal  _ weren’t _ her mother, that they didn’t  _ need _ her to be perfect for them, that they would love her regardless but she...she couldn’t believe him. She didn’t think he was lying, per say, she just didn’t think Carlos knew what that would truly look like, how ugly she would be, how disgusting. No amount of love could make them immune to that, if she let herself unravel they would leave she just knew it, they would get tired of her. They would get bored of her problems and they would abandon her. And it wouldn’t be their fault, she wouldn’t blame them, but selfishly she still didn’t want it to happen. I mean she wasn’t even doing this for them anyway, she was doing it half for herself and half for her mother, the fact that it was helping them put up with her too was just a bonus. 

So maybe she was dizzy from not eating most days, and maybe she was sleep deprived from staying up all night obsessing over her outfit for the next day, and maybe she was fine with letting guys who she wasn’t even attracted to treat her like shit so long as they called her hot, but what Carlos didn’t understand is that this is the way things were just  _ meant _ to be for her. You can’t change your own destiny, and her mother had already set her destiny for her. And that was okay because she was getting by alright. She was smart, she was careful, she was in control. There was no  _ need _ for anyone to worry or for anyone to know, there was no need for her friend’s opinions of her to change, she had this all taken care of.   
  
“....Woah are you, okay??”   
Ironically, as Evie was busy trying to convince herself of the fact that she was in control, she hadn’t even realized just how dangerously close to fainting she was. She’d thought her eyes were closed but they weren’t, they were open and just clouded with so many black dots she could hardly see. She blinked her eyes rapidly and swayed a little on her feet, accepting Jane’s arm gratefully as the worried girl rushed to her side. Evie laughed nervously, trying to brush off her strange behavior and convince Jane that she was okay, but she could feel just how much of herself was leaning against Jane for support.    
_ C’mon Evie, stand the fuck up what’s your problem. You used to go weeks without anything but a glass of water and some collard greens back home, now suddenly you show up at Auradon and can’t even get by for a few days on one meal? You’re SLIPPING.  _   
“Evie do you- should I get someone or something-?”   
“No! No, I’m f-fine ha, sorry. Hungover, remember!”   
  
Evie sounded overly enthusiastic as she pushed herself from off of Jane, forcing her knees to lock and keep her upright as her vision started to clear. The room was still spinning but she managed a smile, biting her bottom lip to keep from grimacing at the pain in her head and stomach. Jane looked genuinely scared, those huge, fishbowl eyes of her’s wide with an emotion Evie couldn’t quite pinpoint. She played with the waistband of her skirt absentmindedly as Evie casually held onto the bedpost of Audrey’s bed behind her for support.    
“You look really pale, Evie. Why don’t you just sit down for a minute, at least.”   
Evie scoffed, rolling her eyes dismissively.   
“Jane seriously, it’s nothing. Have you never been hungover before?”   
Jane hesitantly shook her head no.    
“Well trust me, this is normal.”    
  
It definitely wasn’t normal, and even Jane who had only ever had a sip of alcohol at church was pretty sure of that fact, but what was she going to do? Fight with her on it?    
“Anyway, can you tell me where your bathroom is? After I freshen up like I said we can finally get started on this damn project.”    
Jane looked very conflicted briefly, her face contorted into one of discomfort, and briefly, Evie worried she was going to confront her about her odd behavior further. Luckily she didn’t though, finally just relenting to point silently towards a door beside Lonnie’s bed on the opposite side of the room.   
“You’re the best Jane, sorry in advance if I raid you or Audrey’s makeup haha. You start setting up while I’m in there, yeah?”   
Evie flashed Jane a smile as she walked over to the restroom, not really waiting for a response. As she was closing the door slowly behind her though she did see Jane reaching for some poster paper from underneath her desk.

As soon as the door clicked behind her Evie sighed and pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes, she  _ really _ didn’t want to be doing this right now. She wasn’t always this miserable, but today was just one of those days, and she couldn’t for the life of her find any excitement in the idea of doing this project. She felt dead. Cold, limp, lifeless. Her head was  _ pounding _ , like, she could literally hear thudding in her ears. Had that medicine Carlos kindly left out for her done literally  _ anything _ to soothe her headache? It certainly didn’t feel like it. She couldn’t even really pinpoint what the headache was from, that was probably part of the problem. It could’ve been lots of things. She wanted nothing more than to just collapse in a pile onto the floor and rest, even if only for a minute, but she didn’t, only because she was afraid she wouldn’t be capable of getting back up after. 

Despite her better judgment Evie took a shaky breath and faced the mirror over the sink, bracing herself. She told herself she wouldn’t get upset at what she saw or immediately start tearing herself down just for the hell of it, this was business. She was assessing the situation, fixing what she could quickly, and then continuing on with her day despite how imperfect she still looked and felt. She could fix herself for real later, right now she was just striving for  _ presentable.  _ __   
_ You can do that without freaking out Evie, c’mon.  _ __   
And she did, for the most part. It helped if she only focused on fractions of her face or body at a time rather then all of herself, and then that way she wasn’t staring back at one giant hopelessly disgusting wreck, but rather manageable chunks of a bigger problem. She started with the lower left side of her face and worked her way up and across until her face of makeup was complete using products that most definitely didn’t belong to her. Lonnie’s foundation mixed with the smallest bit of Audrey’s definitely wasn’t exactly her color, but it was better than nothing. 

Once her face was done she tackled her hair, letting all the messy barrel curls cascade down her shoulders. She fingers brushed through them as best she could, eventually deciding to pull the sides back so that it at least looked a little tamer than it really was. Lastly, she addressed her outfit, which was harder than her face and hair because she couldn’t stop her eyes from roaming all over her body in the full-length mirror and get the entire upsetting picture. Pushing down her emotional response she wet her hands with some water to help try and lift the wrinkles from out of her pants and shirt. She then rolled up her sleeves and decided to knot the bottom corner of her shirt so that it wasn’t so baggy on her, and showed a little bit of the skin above the waistband of her pants. I mean it made her feel fatter, especially since she was convinced she was still kind of bloated from drinking so much last night, but it also made her feel more put together in the sense that now she at least looked like she almost tried this morning. Besides, guys liked a little skin.   
  
“Evie?”   
Evie jumped at the sound of Jane’s muffled voice and gentle rapping on the bathroom door. Giving herself another quick once over in the mirror. She looked like a total wreck but, it was definitely an improvement from before.   
“Y-yeah?”   
“I don’t want to rush you or anything but, I forgot I’ve got dinner plans tonight, so we’ve only got until like 4pm to do this thing. Are you almost ready to get started, you think?”   
Evie took a deep breath, waiting for her heart rate to steady before swinging open the bathroom door. Jane looked both sufficiently impressed and surprised by Evie’s transformation, that same glassy look in her eyes. Evie smiled, and it was still forced but a little less so than before. This time it almost reached her eyes, and that she considered a success.    
“Yeah, let’s do this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS LATER THAN I MEANT IT TO BE !! I've been rlly busy lately with lame shit- anyway it's finally here, so thank y'all for waiting. (: I hope you guys like this chapter!!   
> I'm sorry if it feels a little filler-y I just wanted to hone back in on Evie before the next chapter which is focused on someone else again (already written to completion so expect it tm!), but this is still definitely the calm before the storm so not too too much happened. I hope you guys don't mind the focus being on a few different characters even though it's an Evie-centric book. Lemme know your thoughts in the comments for sure! I take your feedback veryyy seriously.  
> Which speaking of, I can never thank you enough for all the kudos and comments I've received ugh, you guys are the greatest ever!! Seriously warms my heart. <3   
> The next chapter is going to be a long one y'all (for perspective this chapter was just under 4000 words, the next chapter is 7000+), do you guys enjoy my longer chapters? Again, let me know!   
> Tysm for reading, I'll see y'all in the next one haha ^_^   
> -Abbie


	6. Forget The Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were confused, this chapter starts with a flashback! Enjoy!

* * *

  
Carlos stared deeply into the well he was looming over, his legs shaking beneath him as he stood on the cobbled rim, his toes sticking out over the edge and into the never-ending darkness. He’d already taken his shoes off and they were left in a careful heap beside the well, along with his favorite jacket neatly folded. A slightly crumpled letter was sticking out just slightly from his empty worn boots. The envelope had no name on it because the letter wasn’t addressed to anyone in particular. Honestly, he didn’t really know who it was supposed to be for. Evie, he guessed, seeing as she’s the only one who might bother to read it. Carlos didn’t have many friends on the Isle. He wasn’t even sure if Evie was his ‘friend’ truly, or if it was purely circumstantial that they’d started hanging out a few months ago, just on the days when they could both escape from their mothers. 

He told himself frequently that she was probably just trying to be nice, or that she had some kind of use for him, that she was manipulating him for her benefit in some way he was still blind to. The last thing he wanted to do was start getting attached, Carlos had always been alone. That’s the way it was meant to be. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking on occasion though that the lonely, 13-year-old, blue-haired girl, who was only a year older than him,  _ did _ seem sweet… and so, against his better judgment, it only felt right to leave her  _ something _ . Just in case, by some off chance, his new maybe-friend should come searching. 

Carlos tried to distract himself briefly from feelings burning at the back of his throat. He scanned the area all around him. The land was ugly, just like all land on the Isle was, desolate of life and dirty. All the grass was gone and it was just dirt here, of course. It was like this everywhere on the island, and if you could find any small patch of green at all on this heap of land they were stuck on then you would be considered a miraclist. The Isle consisted of mostly two colors, grey and brown. Even the trees that formed a dense forest and lined his vision, surrounding the well and separating the outskirts of the island where he lived and the main part of town, had no leaves. Their branches were bare, and jutted out in unnaturally sharp and angry shapes, like boney hands reaching out for you. 

When Carlos just honed in on the well itself though, it actually looked kind of pretty. It was overly large, Carlos estimated the circumference to be about 30 feet. The rim around it, disproportionately short, was made from stones of various greys. They weren’t smooth as they might’ve once been, years weathering them to be jagged in most spots and crumbling, some cracking or falling off altogether. In a strange way though, Carlos still found them pretty. It was in the same way some people found shattered glass glittering in the sun mesmerizing, or a dog with a broken leg cute. He liked to imagine what it used to look like, where it used to sit before it was put here for them. An ugly, old well cast off with the villains. It hardly even functioned anymore, what with most of the water drying up a few seasons ago. What was left of the freshwater now sat so deep at the bottom of the well it was almost impossible to reach. Now there was just darkness. 

Carlos clenched his fists tightly by his sides, trying to stop wavering. He was shaking so badly it was embarrassing, and he felt like he was going to vomit and cry all at the same time. His head pounded. He had thought about this scenario on endless occasions, it shouldn’t have frightened him so. He had pictured standing in this very spot, the rough stones that formed the well’s frugal rim cold against the bare soles of his feet. He hadn’t imagined that the massless black abyss staring back at him when he looked down into the well would be quite so intimidating, however, or that it would reach for him and pull at him hungrily, urging to give him the one thing he desired most. His only real way off the Isle. 

“So, where do you think it goes?”    
Carlos jumped at the sudden deep voice behind him so viciously that he nearly stumbled into the unforgiving and gaping hole right then and there, an embarrassingly high squeal of fear escaping his throat. As he teetered towards the well’s opening, the assumed offender saved him just in time.    
“Woah! Dude-”   
He felt as they clamored forward behind him with a nervous chuckle and grabbed the back of his t-shirt, yanking him heartily away from the edge at the last second. Carlos regained his footing along the two-foot-wide stone rim with panicked breathing. After a few seconds of doubled-over heavy breathing he was finally standing back where he’d been before, and then worked up the courage to turn around and face the voice that startled him to begin with. 

Carlos immediately recognized the young boy behind him, even if they’d never before spoken and Carlos couldn’t recall his name. He was pretty well known around the Isle. Dangerous. Carlos had always made a clear effort to avoid him whenever he went into town to pick something up for his mother and saw him there, working at the junk shop. He was Jafar’s son, which would’ve been obvious even if Carlos hadn’t known who he was beforehand. You could just see it in his face, in those angular features and that sharp jawline, the furrowed brows. Carlos couldn’t help but think he looked different from where he was standing, actually eye-level with the tan boy due to his elevated spot on the well. 

He looked scary and intimidating as usual in his clothes, what with the heavy leather jacket and naturally distressed jeans even in springtime. Unlike Carlos’s oversized white t-shirt and jeans which hung loosely off his scrawny frame, this boy’s outfit was snug to his body, not allowing anyone to miss the fact that he was muscular despite his age, and clearly could hold his own. His dark almost black hair was short but presumably being grown out, not yet at a length long enough to be pulled back into a ponytail or bun, but long enough to flop down into his face and slightly over his eyes in choppy pieces. His eyes were what made Carlos freeze, though. They were brown like his but much darker and almost red in the sunlight, which the older boy squinted against with a smirk. More than that though they looked nothing like Carlos had imagined. From here they almost looked...kind. 

Jay chuckled for a minute, clearly amused by Carlos’s awestruck expression. After realizing that he’d been gaping for long enough, Carlos quickly cleared his throat and looked down at his feet, wondering why his face felt so hot. Hurriedly he took on a more suspicious and guarded stance, crossing his arms across his chest in a way that unintentionally mimicked Jay’s. No one usually came to the well mid-day, in all the afternoons he always came here he’d never seen anyone anyway, definitely not this boy. It made no sense for the Jafar’s son to be here on a sunny afternoon, he should’ve been working at the shop, or scouring the busy market place that was parked at the center of town, looking for easy, expensive things to steal for his dad. 

“S-sorry, I didn’t see you standing there...behind m-me.”    
The toned boy laughed again, this time at Carlos’s stuttery apology, one of the younger boy’s greatest insecurities, and took a step forward. Carlos would’ve taken a step back in turn if it wouldn’t have sent him cascading down into the seemingly bottomless hole beside him. Instead, he watched helplessly as the boy effortlessly swung his legs over the well’s rim, letting them dangle down into it as he sat beside where Carlos stood on the cobble rim.    
“Haha, well you  _ should _ be sorry!”   
The boy spoke sarcastically, and Carlos searched his sitting position for any rigidity, and signs that he was going to move to attack. He couldn’t find any- the young thief looked truly at ease, slouching as he stared down into the darkness himself almost curiously with slit eyes that matched his smirk. 

Carlos stopped shaking a little bit. Why wasn’t he scared of this boy? He should’ve been afraid of this boy as he was everything else, especially since he could’ve easily kicked his ass. Carlos was a good runner, he was fast as hell and he was slippery, he was good at escaping. But that’s about it. In a fight? He always lost. Well, to be fair, he never really even bothered to try and fight back. He found it usually ended faster that way. But either way he knew he’d lose, especially against a boy like this. A boy like this could beat the hell out of even the boys who  _ usually _ beat the hell out of Carlos. This whole scenario felt like a hazy dream, like the all too rare sunlight streaming in through the barrier had literally made this boy evaporate out of thin air and now Carlos was speaking to no one at all. The way he was right now reminded him nothing of the boy he’d caught glances of in town, save maybe the smirk. But then again maybe Carlos had just never given the young thief too good of a look before. He tended to keep his head down when he walked. 

“I heard some kid say some dumb shit like, that it’s so deep if you fell to the bottom of it and looked up, you’d see a sky full of stars in the middle of the day.”   
Carlos stared down at the boy astonishingly, wondering yet again why he was here, why he was talking to him so casually as if they knew one another, as if they weren’t on the Isle of the Lost, where no one spoke to anybody unless they wanted something from them or were screaming at them. A small part of Carlos wanted to ask him all this, the nervous untrusting part of him. But most of him didn’t, because he didn’t want to ruin this. So, silently, Carlos followed the boy’s eyes back down into the dark nothingness, pondering his theory. Even though the brutish boy had said the hypothesis with a careless air about him and regarded it as if it were the dumbest thing he’d ever heard, the way his dark amber eyes flashed with curiosity said otherwise, and Carlos was impressed with his vernacular. It wasn’t like he looked  _ stupid  _ or anything, but he definitely didn’t look refined either. For only being a few years older than him though, maybe 13, he spoke very well. Better than Carlos, but that wasn’t saying much. 

Carlos swallowed hard, thinking back to the practical stranger’s original query.    
“W-well, where does this lead to….um, there a-are many possibilities.”    
Not once did the boy sitting next to Carlos’s freezing bare feet try and shift and look up at the smaller boy or meet his eyes, which Carlos appreciated. He knew he sounded like a stupid, stuttering idiot, but if the collected older boy had turned and stared at him as he spoke he knew it would be so much worse. He pushed back the thoughts screaming at him to run away and stop talking and continued.    
“One of the um, more c-common theories is that it goes straight through the island and leads to the bottom of the Auradon o-ocean.”    
  
The boy sitting slumped forward perked up a little at this idea, his smirk broadening into more of a true smile.    
“Woah, the bottom of the ocean, huh? Sounds sick.”   
Carlos could hear myself getting more comfortable and excited as he spoke, hearing this other boy’s genuine interest. Even his stutter was dissipating.    
_ NO, stop talking and trusting- what is wrong with you?! This is dangerous, HE is dangerous. You don’t know him. You are being careless! You are being reckless! He doesn’t want to be talking to you. He doesn’t want to stop you. You’re not here to make friends. You are here to jump. Jump. JUMP. _ _  
_ But he couldn’t, he couldn’t force his feet to move from where they were glued to the rocks beneath him, nor could he force the words to stop leaving his mouth at the pace at which they were. 

He’d spent an awfully long time at this well, contemplating all these questions and discussing them with himself in great length and detail. Never had someone else asked him about it, never had someone else shown interest in something he too found fascinating. Most people didn’t think like him.    
“Of course, another dimension all together is another possibility.”   
The thief paused for a minute, removing his hands from where they were shoved in his pockets to rest in his lap. He seemed hesitant, skeptical. When he spoke next his hard, deep voice was noticeably softer. Not quite as quiet as Carlos’s, but definitely less confident and casual than before.    
“You mean, somewhere  _ further _ than here?”  
  
Carlos watched as he started absentmindedly cracking his knuckles one by one. He hummed in agreement, even though the soft cracking sound made by the other boy made his hair stand on end a little bit. He felt a bead of sweat run down his back, and his t-shirt stuck to his skin.    
“Yeah. Like, there could be a portal, or a w-wormhole that could just...take you out of this world altogether.”   
“Oh man...off of the Isle?”   
Carlos nearly chuckled but didn’t as he felt the familiar tug of the darkness below him, calling to him. He wavered where he was standing.    
“N-Not just off of the Isle, I m-mean, it would take you out of this...reality. It could remove you from this entire world and maybe, um, take you somewhere no one would know you. Somewhere further from the Isle then you could possibly imagine.”   
  
The tan boy looked up at the white-haired boy standing next to him, but his eyes were too glazed over for Carlos to have noticed. The muscled boy got chills. He was staring down into the well, brows furrowed. He looked...eager, and spoke longingly.   
“You could be taken from this...existence, and exist somewhere else. Maybe, even as something else.  _ Anything _ else.”   
The older boy found himself unintentionally getting up at Carlos’s words, scooching back until he was back to standing on the dirt- a safe distance from the well. He scratched the back of his neck and laughed nervously, staring at the back of the other boy’s head. Carlos didn’t move.    
“Haha wow well, if your theory is correct, I-I mean, if ANY of your theories are correct, don’t you think you should step away from the edge?”

The son of Jafar felt pathetic, he could hear in the way his voice wavered that he sounded nervous and almost concerned. Concerned for a boy two years younger than him that he didn’t even know the name of nor had ever spoken to before.    
“Hey look, I bet you got so excited about nerdy shit like portals and whatever that you forgot how dangerous standing there might be. Here, take my hand.”   
Carlos was brought back to reality hearing those words, spoken softly from behind him. Suddenly he could feel the tears from earlier back, but this time they weren’t burning at the back of his throat and asking for permission, they were coming full force whether he liked it or not. 

The older boy could tell from where he was that Carlos had started crying because his shoulders rose and fell unnaturally, his fists clenching and unclenching sporadically as he resisted wiping his face. Carlos was just glad he couldn’t see the way his lips uglily curled up as he cried in perfected silence, tears streaming down his face and snot bubbling from his nose. He felt like his freckles might wash right off his cheeks if his unrecognizable emotions continued pouring from out his eyes.    
“Hey what’s your name? Mine’s Jay.”   
This sentence alone made the pressure on Carlos’s brain lift immensely. No one on the Isle just gave their name away like that. Not when it was one of the only things that was your’s and your’s alone. Looking over his shoulder through blurry eyes at the dark-haired boy with a deadly straight face, he took a deep, shuddering breath.    
“C-Carlos. My n-name’s Carlos.” 

At this the boy’s smirk returned, it was a small smirk but it was there nonetheless as slowly and cautiously he stretched out his hand towards Carlos. Carlos wiped at his face with the bottom of his shirt, silently cursing at how badly he was shaking again. Why was he still doing this, still talking, still here?   
“Carlos c’mon, don’t leave me hangin’.”   
When he’d come to the well today as he did most days, during the time after he’d finished all his chores but before his mom was back from shopping, he’d been so  _ sure _ . So sure that this would be the last time he made that winding trek through the woods. So sure that when he said ‘goodbye’ instead of ‘see you later’ to Evie yesterday he’d meant it. So sure that he was finally going to leave the Isle the only way he could think to. 

But then this boy had to show up.  _ Jay.  _ He had never been here before, no one had ever been here before with Carlos, not even Evie. But suddenly this strange boy was here, and he was terrifying and he was mean-looking and he was dangerous and he was a criminal, but he was also funny and kind and interesting, and when he said Carlos’s name...well, suddenly Carlos was taking his large, muscular hand and letting it envelop his. Gently he stepped down from the rim, feeling like his knees might give out as he avoids Jay’s intimidating dark eyes which chillingly remind him of the well’s equally dark opening. Instead, he stares down at their hands, still intermingled. He’s never held someone’s hand before, and unknowingly neither had Jay. It was warm. His skin looked so pale against Jay’s. Why doesn’t either boy want to let go?   
“Oh here, your shoes and jacket.”   
Jay eventually pulls his hand away from Carlos’s, holding up the pair of scuffed-up combat boots and folded jacket he had in the other hand. Carlos noticed that the letter from inside his boot was gone, discovering quickly that it was sticking out of Jay’s pocket, crumpled up. 

Slowly Carlos accepted back his things.   
“Th-Thanks.”   
Jay laughed and scoffed, running a hand through his messy hair in an attempt to push it out of his eyes. It fell back almost immediately.    
“Pft, thanks for what? I just like entertaining dumb conversations with strangers every once in a while, a guy’s gotta find some way to stay entertained around-”   
Carlos cut him off, trying to convey what he was really referring to. This boy had just saved his life, whether he realized it or not.    
“Jay,  _ seriously. _ Thank you.”   
The smirk fell from the tan boy’s face, and he nodded curtly.    
“...Don’t mention it.”   
  
The two boys stood in silence for a moment, Jay kicking at the dirt mindlessly with his hands shoved back into his pockets. Carlos was kneeled down, tying up his boots. Jay couldn’t help but notice the bad blisters on his toes and the backs of his heels from wearing the shoes without any socks beneath them. He made a mental note that the boy needed bandaids.    
“Well, I guess I should r-really get back home.”   
Carlos straightened back up and threw his coat over her shoulder, finding it too hot to put on. Jay cocked his eyebrows at the scrawny boy, chuckling at how nervous he looked now that he had to look up at Jay rather than down. Even though Carlos was only two years younger than Jay, he was definitely short for an 11-year-old, and Jay could say the opposite, by far larger than the average 13-year-old on the island, so that made almost half a foot of height difference between the two of them.   
  
“You’re in a hurry to get back to Hell Hall, really?”   
In a hurry? Most definitely not. But Mom would be home any time now, so he didn’t really have much of a choice. Briefly, though, Carlos liked to imagine what would happen if he said no. Where would Jay take him? What would they do?   
“Uh...y-yeah.”   
Jay looked unconvinced but he simply shrugged and didn’t push it too much, which Carlos appreciated. That was the Isle way though, you just didn’t go digging like that, not even with your best friends let alone someone you met a few minutes ago on the edge of a new dimension.    
“Okay. Well, let’s get goin’ then. I’ll walk ya.”   
“A-Are you sure? It’s pretty out of the way.”   
Carlos played with his hands nervously, having to nearly run in order to keep in pace with Jay who was already heading for the forest’s edge.    
“Please, I’m about as eager to get back to Jafar as you are to get back to that crazy bitch you call Mom. Besides, I go by Hell Hall all the time. Your neighbor is one of my Dad’s biggest customers- Evil Bitch and Evil Bitch Jr., or whatever their names are.” 

Jay smiled down at Carlos as he perked up immediately and gave him the side-eye, clearly surprised that Jay knew who his mother was as well as Evie. He felt a pang of anger at the way he’d addressed his only real friend, though. He could call his Mom any name under the sun, but Carlos would be damned if he’d let someone who didn’t even know her assume Evie was a carbon-copy of her mother. Jay must’ve watched this change of expressions on Carlos’s face, and quickly hurried to try and patch things up. Why did he want to see this curly-haired, puppy-like stranger smile more than anything else?    
“What, do you like her or something? I’ve never met Evil Queen’s kid, so I just assumed-”   
“You’re nothing like Jafar, right?”    
Jay slowed the pace of his walking drastically, turning to stare at Carlos who did the same. They walked like that for a few paces, just staring into each other’s eyes, both equally confused, both trying to figure out not only the other’s intentions but their own. 

Jay could tell the question was rhetorical, but he nodded anyway. What Carlos was trying to say was, don’t assume. He wasn’t anything like his deadbeat, cheap, desperate father who didn’t take no for an answer from anyone or give a shit about something unless it was making him money. Carlos wasn’t anything like his mother, who was batshit and abusive and dangerously selfish, sadistically cruel for no reason other than to entertain and satisfy herself. Of course, Evie was nothing like her mom. Jay earned a lot of respect for Carlos in that moment, initially he’d come off as a total push-over, weak, malleable, but clearly, he’d been underestimated. When it came to his friends, Carlos wasn’t going to just stand there and take it. Jay liked that about him. 

“A-anyway, how’d you know Cruella was my mom?    
Carlos was just as thankful as Jay was for the subject change, feeling guilty that he’d made things so awkward. Luckily Jay simply chuckled, and that chuckle brought back all the color and some to Carlos’s face, returning the mood quickly to the way it had been before, nervous but excited energy.    
“What? You think every villain kid walks around with a leather coat lined with fur? Plus no offense, but you smell like shit dude. Straight smoke.”   
Carlos cringed at this fact, but also laughed a little bit beside himself. He liked the way Jay was so blunt and honest, but not in a mean way. He didn’t know too many villain kids who could tell the difference. 

As the two continued walking and talking through the woods to the far north side of the island, Carlos blushed more than he could ever recall before in his life. Part of him definitely felt like Jay was only still hanging out with him out of pity and obligation. Kind of like when your older sibling’s friends pretend to like you too, but really to them you’ll never be anything more than so and so’s kid brother. Not that Carlos knew what having a sibling felt like, but even so he definitely knew what it felt like to be the lamest person in the room. Despite all of this though, he liked Jay. He liked the way he talked, the way he made him feel safe, the way he hadn’t asked him about the letter, or the bruises on his arms, or anything else that might bring down the mood. Jay was  _ fun _ . Carlos didn’t have a lot of fun in his life.

Carlos had needed weeks to warm up to Evie. This was different. He was different. Like an idiot, Carlos smiled the entire way to Hell Hall and hardly realized they were there until he nearly rammed his head into the heavy metal gate at the head of their long dirt pathway. It was such an ugly sight, a heaping black building surrounded by smoke, an overgrown garden out front, and yet even that couldn’t ruin the mood Carlos found himself in. It’s funny how life could do that. Just an hour ago Carlos wanted more than anything to be stargazing at the bottom of a well, and now he wanted to be right here, stuck on this disgusting island as long as he could be near an enchanting thief with dark eyes and a crooked grin. He knew this was dangerous, it was more than dangerous it was stupid. And yet Carlos, the boy who never stopped caring to a fault, couldn’t find it in himself to give a shit.   
  
“Well um, thanks a-again.”   
“Quit thanking me!”    
Jay rolled his eyes, punching Carlos in the arm. Carlos flinched hard and whimpered a little under his breath, but Jay didn’t acknowledge it even though he definitely noticed which he appreciated. He only looked mildly uncomfortable, and pushed his hair back with a funny look on his face, like he was conflicted- a little guilty and a little embarrassed. Carlos scratched his arms nervously, here it was. This is where he was going to say not to talk to him in public, to keep his head down in town like normal because this changes nothing. Carlos almost didn’t even mind. If he never spoke to Jay again it’d be okay, because this was the best day he’d ever had, just this 30-minute walk through the brambles. He could make this last, he could hold onto this. Carlos was good at holding onto things.   
  
“Well hey, if you’re ever hanging out around the well again maybe we’ll bump into each other or something.”    
Carlos was surprised, beyond surprised he was bewildered. He had this huge smile on his face and he knew he must’ve looked like an idiot but he couldn’t bring himself to straighten up. Instead he just mumbled out a response, his heart pounding in his chest as if he’d just run a mile to town and back.   
“Yeah...m-maybe.”   
Both boys stood in awkward silence for another few minutes, just staring at their feet or hands or eyes intermittently, until eventually Carlos sighed and started pushing the squealing gates open. Jay took that as his cue to leave, and raised a hand as he pivoted back towards the forest.    
“See ya ‘Los.”   
“G-Goodbye, Jay.”   
And even though he’d said ‘maybe’, Carlos wasn’t surprised a bit when he turned up at the well again the very next morning to see Jay there waiting for him, a box of bandaids in his left hand and a smile on his face.   
  


* * *

  
“Okay asshole fine, you win. Why aren’t you fucking talking to me?!”   
Jay slammed his hands down on his desk with a huff, startling the other boy from the warm memory, his cheeks hot. He jumped where he was seated across the room, still propped up in bed with his laptop even though he’d clearly been spacing out. That’s where Carlos had been since the older boy had returned from breakfast and woken him up a few hours prior, practically unmoving for hours. Which was unlike him, usually a pretty fidgety and restless roomie much to Jay’s annoyment. 

That being said, Jay had been trying immensely hard that morning to ignore the younger boy’s silent treatment and odd behavior, and pretend it wasn’t bothering him vainly in hopes that it would just pass. He’d turned it into some kind of contest in his head as he did most things, but he should have known that with Carlos there was no  _ real _ winning. Jay had even resorted to doing  _ school work  _ in order to make the time pass, which was very unlike him, but I guess desperate times really do call for desperate measures. All of this, of course, proved to be no avail- each second spent in the room uncomfortably absent of noise crawled like hours to the shunned boy, wondering what exactly the smaller boy was thinking. 

Eventually, Jay just couldn’t take the silence anymore, and slowly he realized he’d have no choice but to swallow his pride and investigate his roommates odd and less than preferable behavior. After all, Jay had some pretty important things he was itching to discuss, which was an odd roll reversal. Typically, since coming to Auradon and leaving his shell, it was the smaller boy who was rambling incessantly at all hours of the day. Maybe that was why Jay felt so uncomfortable in the quiet. He never realized how much he needed that background noise. Plus, the quiet made him nervous and worried, it reminded him of Isle Carlos, shy and reserved and calculating. It reminded him of that stuttery, shaking stranger he’d found teetering at the edge of a well. It gave Jay chills. He gave him a lot of slack for it, but Jay liked when Carlos talked. He liked when he used big words, that he’d explain the meaning of to Jay without being condescending. He liked when he got excited about something, and his words all blurred together into one long sound of happiness. He liked the way he’d forget to breathe sometimes, and have to pause at awkward times in the middle of a sentence. Basically, there wasn’t much about Carlos Jay didn’t like, he just didn’t explicitly tell the younger boy this. Or anyone, for that matter. 

Carlos cleared his throat, glancing up at Jay only briefly as he recovered from the abrupt and loud noise, refocusing on the screen in front of him. Jay tried to catch his eyes and hold his gaze, but Carlos was too fast. He had a blank expression on his face, and even Jay who was usually great at reading people couldn’t tell what was on the young boy's mind as he stared emptily at the screen. Jay wondered briefly if it was literally blank. Jay didn’t know why Carlos wasn’t speaking to him, clearly, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it  _ might _ have something to do with last night and Evie. To be fair how could it not. Jay wasn’t intending to just let that topic go, of course not, however, he did need some time to sit on the situation and collect his thoughts, because last night he was rattled as hell, and there was nothing Jay hated more than that feeling- the feeling of surprise and insecurity. Of not seeing something coming and not knowing what to do when it does. 

Mal was like that too, though leaned more towards control freak than Jay. Jay liked to think normally he was pretty chill until of course, he wasn’t. Last night, he definitely wasn’t. There’s nothing ‘chill’ about running off- not even Mal would have done that. Because Mal was brave, far braver than Jay could ever hope of being. That all being said, he hadn’t exactly anticipated  _ this  _ caliber of a response from Carlos. He’d expected maybe a slap on the wrist as he ‘apologized’ and asked for information on all that he’d missed, on how Evie was. Instead what he got was Carlos genuinely pissed off, stressed out, and worn down. These days, you didn’t get that Carlos too often, so when you did- you paid attention.   
  
“...I’m not  _ not _ talking to you, I just have nothing to say to you right now.”   
Carlos mumbled under his breath, barely audible despite the stagnant air. Jay merely scoffed, rolling his eyes as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. The desk he was seated at was almost parallel to Carlos’s bed, but somehow the freckled boy managed to keep his eyes deliberately off of his best friend even as dark brown ones bored into him. It made Jay’s skin ripple, he hated being ignored and Carlos knew it. He was trying not to get angry, but his words came out venomously anyway, and even though he was tuning him out Carlos couldn’t help but flinch at his tone.    
“Oh bullshit ‘Los, I brought you breakfast in God damn bed this morning and everything, and you never said anything about it, not even thank you.”  
  
Carlos started typing noisily on his keyboard, plucking away at letters to show he was clearly disengaged in the conversation. Jay had to strain to hear his quiet voice even more now over the inconsistent clicking.   
“...Thanks.”    
His voice sounded so emotionless it was almost comical, and Jay literally bristled like a cat, chills raising the hair on his arms and the nape of his neck.    
“That was the most INSINCERE, SHITTY THANKS I HAVE EVER-”   
“Jay I just woke up like thirty minutes ago, cut me some slack.”   
Carlos cut Jay off, his voice shaky like he might start crying if he weren’t careful. It took the wind out from Jay’s sails almost instantaneously, and he silently examined the way Carlos looked gray almost in the room’s dim light. For someone who slept in so late, the bags under his eyes sure looked awfully heavy. Had he slept at all last night?  
  
“Yeah well look, thirty minutes is a while when I’ve already been up for hours and we have a whole hell of a lot to talk about.”   
Jay played with a thread from his sweater sleeve as he spoke, much softer this time. Carlos looked up from his computer, tilting the screen down so that it was no longer acting as a barrier between him and his roommate. He still didn’t look him in the eyes though, his gaze was somewhere more so around Jay’s legs or the edge of his bed- the other boy couldn’t really tell.    
“Yeah? Like what?”   
“Oh fuck you  _ ‘like what’ _ . You know  _ what _ , Carlos.”   
Carlos stared blankly at his chosen spot, eyebrows raised as if genuinely clueless as to what his best friend was referring to. Jay groaned and pushed his hair back in the same way he always had, a few face-framing strands that had escaped the confines of his top knot falling near his eyes. Carlos would have smiled at this if he weren’t reminding himself mentally that he was upset and angry at his friend right now.   
  
“...Come on. Last night? Evie?”   
Carlos stifled a yawn and shrugged, and impulsively Jay cracked his fingers against the chair he was seated in.    
“Oh. Well, I just assumed you didn’t want to talk about that, considering you ran off the first chance you got.”   
Yup, so that’s what this was about. Jay sighed.    
“....I was just freaked out, Carlos.”   
Now here’s the thing with Jay, he hates apologizing. It’s not that he just hates apologizing actually, it’s like he’s nearly physically incapable of doing it. He wasn’t big on thank-you’s either, it all just made him uncomfortable. This is where Mal and him, who were both stubborn, differed greatly. Mal could very easily admit when she was wrong, she could take the blame and let it go. Jay, even when he knew he’d royally fucked up, couldn’t for the life of him bring himself to utter those two words that here in Auradon would grant you a get out of jail card. Seriously. To him, it seemed you could get away with something as ridiculous as murdering the Queen’s dog, just so long as you smiled and said ‘I’m sorry!’ afterward. In all the years Carlos had known Jay, which was only a little over four but felt much longer, he had only ever heard him apologies maybe two or three times. So Jay and him both knew that this was probably about as close as he was going to get if that’s what he was waiting for. Which it was sort of, but when wasn’t Carlos waiting for an apology from Jay, really. He’d stopped wasting his time and waiting a long time ago.   
  
“Like I wasn’t freaked out too? I could’ve really used some help.”   
There was a pause before Jay spoke again, carefully.    
“Well was she- Is she okay?”   
The way Jay asked this question finally made Carlos look up at him and meet his eyes, those same dark well-water eyes that hadn’t changed a bit. Sometimes Carlos longed to go back to that day, back when he stupidly had hope for the two of them, back when he didn’t quite yet know what he was feeling or that the older, stronger other boy would never harbor those same feelings for him. Well, that’s not true. Jay did harbor those same feelings for him, and Carlos knew it too, because unlike Evie and Mal he wasn’t a love-blind fool. He could see himself in Jay when their hands would brush against one another in the hall, or when they would hug after winning a tourney game, or when Jay would sneakily wrap his arm around him during a scary movie. But it didn’t matter, because Jay wouldn’t admit it to himself. He wouldn’t allow his own feelings to flourish. He could acknowledge in private that they existed, and then he would stomp on them and set them on fire and pray that they’d magically be gone in the morning when he woke for another pointless date with Lonnie. In some ways, this fate was almost worse than the girls. Carlos was doomed to an existence of knowing Jay would forever be just out of his reach because subconsciously the idea of being with a boy sounded unbearable. Jay was all about protecting. Right now, he was protecting himself from his own truth. 

“Define okay. I mean, I put her to bed last night. She took a shower, got changed...I set out some medicine for her-”  
Jay stood up from his chair swiftly, pushing it back into the desk with a slight bang that made Carlos stop short. He crossed his arms over his chest.  
“Cut the crap dude, you know I’m not talking about her fucking night routine.”  
Carlos gave Jay an incredulous look, whipping the blanket off from over him to stand as well. He started shaking instantaneously, half because it was much colder than he’d expected out of bed, and half because he hated fighting.  
“Then say it, say what you’re talking about Jay. Say what you think the blood on her leg was really from.”  
The room falls silent. Jay shakes his head and scoffs, the grip he has on his own arms tightening so much that his fingertips turn white. Carlos just continues to stare him down, waiting for something he knows won’t come. Jay is seething because he feels stupid and embarrassed. Carlos has him trapped. He has him figured out and he hates it. Carlos snaps.   
  
“God, I knew it. You can’t even _say_ it. Ya know, that’s your problem Jay! You’ve got this _delusional_ idea in your head, some sort of _superiority complex_ that you’re this great ALMIGHTY protector over us, but the minute the threat isn’t something you can PUNCH IN THE FACE you _panic_ and you _run_ _away_ and you _push it down_! That’s why Evie confides in _me_ and NOT IN YOU, JAY! Because you lash out when you can’t solve something! You _invalidate_ it! You break down and you abandon ship! You can’t face the truth, _any_ truth, if it’s not the truth _YOU_ want to hear. You would sooner live _blissfully ignorant_ than take a conflict head-on that’s _emotional_ in nature rather than physical. You think we’re still on the Isle when we’re-”  
Carlos was so red in the face when Jay cut him off that you could hardly even pinpoint any of his freckles, and for once he didn’t flinch when Jay screamed, raising his voice to match the smaller boy’s volume. He had this crazy smile on his face, like he was so enraged he was happy. If he didn’t know any better, Carlos would’ve thought by the way he stepped closer to loom over the smaller boy that he was going to hit him. Knowing that Jay had far more self-restraint than to do something like that though Carlos stood his ground, blinking his eyes rapidly just in case tears decided to cloud his vision.   
  
“OH- you want the _truth_!? That’s what we’re doing here, we’re being _honest_??! OKAY, SURE, HERE’S SOME TRUTH, CARLOS! At least I’m not a _weak-willed_ , _complacent,_ DOORMAT, who watches _helplessly_ as their friend literally tears themselves apart in front of me! At least I ACT!   
“Unless of course, you’re RUNNING AWAY, RIGHT!? BECAUSE YOU DID SO MUCH ACTING LAST NIGHT!”  
Jay turned around and swiped at the still open textbook he had on his desk, crashing it to the floor with a huff. At this Carlos jumped before quickly trying to compose himself again. This was the biggest fight Jay and Carlos had had in a while, maybe ever. Since coming to Auradon, Carlos wasn’t immune to screaming and throwing like he used to be, so when something _did_ remind him of life back on the Isle, it really hit him hard. 

Jay kneeled down so that the two boys were almost eye to eye, his hands on his knees. He spoke in a nearly saccharine tone of voice that sounded just like Cruella’s.    
“Ya know, I had my suspicions that something might be going on with Evie for a few weeks now, but I told myself ‘No! There can’t be anything wrong, she’s been talking to Carlos! Carlos would’ve told us if something  _ serious _ was going on! Carlos would’ve done something  _ USEFUL _ ! Carlos would have  _ HELPED her _ !’, but I guess that’s just another example of me not being able to accept the  _ TRUTH _ , huh!?”    
There were the tears. Like a shadow they followed Carlos wherever he went, never too far away. He choked on his own sobs, but Jay’s expression hardly softened at all.   
  
“TELL ME HOW Y-YOU REALLY FEEL, JAY!”    
Suddenly the room was a cacophony of screams and emotion. Jay hadn’t realized he too was crying, otherwise, he would have stopped it. Instead, the tears flowed freely down his cheeks for the first time in a long time as he skewed his eyes shut and let the first thoughts that popped into his head leave their prison. Carlos watched him intently, working hard to catch his breath as Jay pulled at his own hair.   
“I KNOW THAT EVIE HAS A CRUSH ON MAL- IT’S OBVIOUS! I HATE THAT YOU THINK I’M AN IDIOT!”   
“YEAH?”   
“AND I HATE WHEN YOU AND EVIE KEEP SECRETS FROM ME, IT PISSES ME OFF AND MAL AGREES!”   
“GO ON.”   
“I DON’T HAVE ANY REAL ROMANTIC INTEREST IN LONNIE, I THINK SHE’S ANNOYING!”   
“WHAT ELSE?”   
“MAL WAS THINKING ABOUT EVIE AND MOANED HER NAME WHILE SCREWING BEN LAST NIGHT!”   
“IS THAT ALL?”   
“I KNOW I’M FUCKING BREAKING YOUR HEART AND I’M SORRY!”   
“YOU’RE WHAT!?”   
“I’M SORRY!!”    
  
Suddenly time stood still. Neither boy could tell if they were still speaking because there was a ringing in their ears so loud and pulsating it drowned out everything else. When Jay opened his eyes Carlos was staring up at him, his eyebrows stitched together, his eyes red and puffy from crying. Guilt panged at his heart. He was a monster. He did this. He did all of this.    
“...I’m...I’m _sorry_.”    
Jay turned quickly and reached for the doorknob, catching a glimpse of himself in the shiny metal’s reflection. He could have sworn he looked just like Jafar.    
“Jay wait-”   
“Just let me do what I do best 'Los, let me leave.”   
Carlos couldn’t hear the door slam in his face over the pounding in his own chest.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this long ass chapter, even if it was Jaylos instead of Malvie. (,: I just rlly wanted to show how Jay and Carlos originally met, bc I thought the idea was rlly cuuute...esspecially in contrast to the more sour second half of this chapter. But worry not!! I'll be showing Evie and Mal's first encounter in a flashback soon too!!  
> Anyway, looks like both the gay couples are in rocky water now sigh- who's side are you on? Jay or Carlos? A little bit of both maybe? Lemme know in the comments down below for sure! Also, let me know on what you thought of a longer chapter, it's definitely the longest so far by a landslide.  
> Next chapter is Mal & Evie <3 tysm for being patient!  
> Again y'all's support means the world! Ily!  
> -Abbie


	7. Rumor Has It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to get out, I'm trying to update as often as I can but work is kicking my ass (,: chapter 8 is in the works rn though so hopefully it's out decently soon!   
> Thank you for your patience xx

**Mal:** hows the project?   
  
**Evie:** rlly good! jane and i still got tons done even tho i was late as fuck  
  
 **Evie:** and sorry again that i ghosted u this morning m <3 i miss ur face   
  
**Mal:** ew   
  
**Evie:** wow meanie ),:   
  
**Mal:** im only kidding   
  
**Mal:** but hey we have a lot to talk abt, when r u and jane gonna be done u think?   
  
**Evie:** wdym lots to talk abt? like what?   
  
**Mal:** i dont wanna explain over text,, but we just have a lot to talk abt

**Evie:** well that’s nerve-wracking  
  
**Mal:** whatever just when do you think you’re gonna be done ???  
 **  
Evie:** ok hold on sheesh  
  
 **Evie:** jane is leaving for dinner plans in like an hour so, probably before then  
  
 **Evie:** around like 4 or so ?  
  
 **Mal:** ok, we can have early dinner together and talk then  
  
 **Mal:** picnic by the bleachers  
  
 **Evie:** ooo how romantic (;   
  
**Mal:** it was a date i already had planned for me and ben, but plans fell through  
  
 **Mal:** i just figured why let all this food go to waste   
  
**Mal:** don’t feel too special, princess   
  
**Evie:** ouch i was just teasing  
  
 **Evie:** but that sounds good   
  
**Evie:** i’ll see you there after 4 then? <3   
  
**Mal:** see ya then x 

Mal skimmed over her and Evie’s text conversation, digging her front teeth into her bottom lip mindlessly as Jay watched the conversation unfold from over her stiffened shoulder. She couldn’t decide if she’d been her regularly playful self just then, or overly harsh in a way that weirded Evie out. Something in her gut said it might’ve been the latter, though, since she was still acting kind of weird over the whole Ben fight thing from the night before. Okay, maybe "kind of weird" was putting it lightly. Plus, her mind was undeniably elsewhere at the moment given the current circumstances and she felt a little numb, a little distant, like the texts she'd just sent her best friend were automated and she was merely a machine going through the motions. Proving her point, she didn’t even realize she was holding her breath until Jay spoke, snapping her out of her trance.   
  
“Kinda harsh, dude.”    
Jay, seemingly having read Mal’s mind, spoke softly and answered her question for her as he leaned back away from her shoulder. Mal sighed, shoving her phone into the back pocket of her over-sized faded jeans as she pivoted to face the boy sitting behind her. Jay had his back pressed to her headboard adjacent from where Mal was at the foot of her bed, and she could tell from his asymmetrical expression that he was biting the inside of his cheek. His face was red and blotchy, and it was so swollen around his eyes she thought if she poked it he might hiss in pain. At least he wasn’t crying anymore, she thought. There really was nothing worse than watching Jay cry. 

I mean, it hurt Mal to see any of her friends cry, of course, but when Jay cried it was like watching a monument, something strong and beautiful and timeless, crumple at your feet in a way that felt unnatural to watch. His lips curled up animalistically, and he looked to be in the worst pain of his life as he tried harder than anything to stop the vulnerable act. It was almost silent. He’d just sat on her bed crying and mumbling for maybe an hour now, so Mal had had plenty of time to study that paining expression. Jay wasn’t really the type who cried very often at all, much like herself. He didn’t much appreciate being comforted when he was upset either, it mostly just made him uncomfortable- which Mal could relate to as well. That being said he didn’t like being alone either, so Mal had abandoned her newest art project at her easel the minute he stormed into her room, just to sit near him on the bed as he cried. 

Not too close, but just close enough to him that he could feel her presence without getting claustrophobic. She nodded her head when he tried gurgling out words even if she didn’t understand just to show she was listening, which was something she always appreciated when she was upset. Evie was easy to comfort, all softly spoken affirmations and shushes, fingers through tangled blue curls and gentle forehead kisses. Jay was another beast altogether- it made Mal realize how difficult it must be for her friends when  _ she _ needed comfort, and quickly found a new appreciation for their efforts. Then again, now that she thought about it, she really only ever broke in front of Jay, much like he was breaking before her now. Perhaps Jay felt most comfortable letting his guard down in front of Mal because she never showed vulnerability or weakness either, and subconsciously Mal had felt the same. I mean, if they were going to crumble apart, it might as well be in front of one another. 

From what few sentences of Jay’s emotional rambling between sobs she could make out from the past hour, Mal gathered that Jay and Carlos had one of their rare fights, though this was maybe the worst she’d ever seen, and also somehow Evie was involved. Mal suspected that somehow the fight was about Evie, but also there was probably more to it than that, she just didn’t know what exactly. This she had reared from basically the only sentence from Jay she’d truly understood in its entirety, which was:    
“You need to talk to Evie, you need to talk to her tonight. Text her.”    
It was much more pained and stuttery than that obviously, but it’d chilled Mal to the bone regardless. If Jay’s heart-wrenching sobs hadn’t tipped her off enough before, that was when she knew for certain that something serious was genuinely going on with her core group of friends. This wasn’t just some petty fight between Jay and Carlos about a shared homework assignment or canceled plans. 

This was big, and that took Mal by surprise because she hadn’t known about it. Something was seriously wrong, and she hadn’t known about it. Mal  _ hated _ being the informed and not the informer, if something was wrong with Evie, Carlos, ANYONE- Mal was  _ supposed _ to know about it first. They were  _ her’s _ , they were her responsibility. They all looked out for one another, sure, but Mal was...I mean, she was their leader. She had created this, and you protect what you create. Therefore, there was nothing Mal hated more than being out of the loop. Since making things official with Ben, that’s all she’d seemed to be for weeks though, was out of the loop. She was always so busy now,  _ too _ busy. Did her friends think she was too busy? Too busy for them? 

Honestly, Mal had been planning to sit down and talk to Evie tonight anyway. This was partially because Mal felt they simply needed to catch up for the first time in a while, seeing as the scaly fae was acutely aware she’d been a tad neglectful of her best friend since taking on so many Auradonian duties, but mostly it was to regard her and Ben’s big fight and clear the air. She figured it’d be best if Evie heard it from Mal first, instead of some stupid Auradon kid spreading rumors. And besides, talking things out with Evie always made her feel better about a situation. Not that Jay hadn’t been helpful at the gym and caf that morning, mildly, but Evie just...seemed to know more about these things. Sometimes the purple-haired girl could’ve sworn that that charming roommate of her’s held all the answers in the entire world, magic mirror or not. With just one smile she could fix any mess Mal created, no matter how big or monstrous. She would wink and say “don’t worry, I’ve got this”, and Mal would believe her in a heartbeat, no hesitation. She trusted Evie with everything, anything. So even if it would be awkward for a few minutes, Mal figured it would be worth it. She was at a loss right now otherwise. 

She could see two of them now, the conversation playing out just as it had countless times before when Mal came to Evie with some troublesome problem. The blue-haired friend would laugh breezily and somehow just effortlessly breath out a solution to Mal’s problem, making it look as easy as a chemistry worksheet. Maybe even this weird feeling in Mal’s stomach would be resolved- the curious butterflies she got when she thought about her best friend, the strange guilt that she felt when she ruminated on last night’s accident, the confused dread she felt when she wondered if saying that name had  _ really _ been an accident at all. Somehow, Evie would know what it all meant, and she would fix it. She’d reverse time and stop Mal from catching some maybe-sorta wrong and confusing somethings for the blue witch if that truly was her ailment as she secretly suspected, and she’d fix her and Ben for the dozenth time, and Mal would be happy, or close enough to it, and that would be good enough for her. 

And bonus, by using full disclosure and putting it all out in the air with Evie, she could prove to Ben that there was truly nothing going on between the two of them. Because there wasn’t. And there wouldn’t be. Couldn’t be. Mal wasn’t sure who she was convincing more, herself or Ben, but either way, Evie would, somehow, figure out how to return things to normal. Normal. Mal pondered what that meant, what ‘normal’ was for her now. Upon doing so she briefly wondered why she was even doing this anyway, why she was working so hard to hold onto Ben when she wasn’t even really sure she had true feelings for him. The responsible thing to do would most likely have been to let him go, take a break at minimum until she could sort through her own complex emotions. And the most appealing option was to embrace these strange, flighty feelings about certain girls she was now suddenly being forced to face, because it enthralled her and made her feel liberated and alive in a way she hadn’t quite felt since running away before Cotillion and breaking up with Ben. This plan, however, of isolating whatever these dangerous mystery somethings she was feeling that led her to say the wrong name in bed, and entrusting Evie to save her relationship with the King, was certainly the _safer_ thing to do, the smarter thing to do, the most familiar thing to do.

It was the cowardly thing to do, in other words. If Mal just stayed in a relationship with someone who she knew genuinely would love her for all time, then there was no risk of being rejected, or cheated on, or neglected, or heartbroken. Ben cared for her. He was patient most of the time, he was thoughtful and polite to a fault, he was attractive from a societal standpoint, financially stable, and overall a very  _ nice _ guy. He would take care of her until she was old. Mal didn’t feel any butterflies when she was around him, sure, but she certainly felt safe, and at the moment her mind and heart couldn’t really agree on which factor was more important. She might not love Ben, but she sure loved the idea of him. To Mal, the biggest thing was that vast majority of the time, she wasn’t UNhappy in her relationship, and wasn’t that good enough?

Either way, the point being was, when Jay all but demanded she text Evie and set up a meeting tonight before delving into further details about Carlos and his fight, Mal didn’t put up too much of a fight herself. Though, during the entirety of his breakdown, it had definitely been weighing on Mal all these unknowns. She hated this feeling of uncertainty or impending danger and helplessness that so rarely she found herself plagued with. I mean, was everyone okay? Was someone hurt? Now that Jay had composed himself, and she’d complied with his orders, her eyes bored into him these impending questions. Jay, very much aware of this silent staredown, felt as though that green gaze alone could have made him burst into flames. He chose to stare down at his lap, playing with the same thread from his sweater as earlier, but Mal knew he was going to crack sooner rather than later. I mean, she needed to know exactly what she was supposed to talk to Evie about tonight, right? Because surely Jay had more in mind than just some petty fight with Ben and fuzzy somethings in her stomach when her roommate laughed. 

But still, her impatience was certainly rearing its ugly head right now, and she had to grit her teeth to make sure she spoke sweetly rather than harshly to her friend whom she knew was fragile at the moment even if he tried not to act it. After all, he looked so mortifyingly embarrassed now that his initial catatonic state had finally worn off, she was worried he might just say ‘forget it’ and leave if she wasn’t forceful yet careful with her questions and fast. She took a deep breath.    
“Look, Jay, if you don’t want to tell me about you and Carlos’s fight right now, that’s fine. I get it, I’m not a pusher. But you saw my texts, I told Evie we’re talking, so now you’ve got to, at the very least, tell me what’s up with her. Or, how she ties into all this, I guess. Whatever you want to call it.”    
Mal was close to sighing exasperatedly but stopped herself, thinking wiser of it. 

Jay hardly noticed and simply sighed himself, thinking over his words. Mal found it impressive how his stony gaze managed to completely hide any traces of his completely and utterly heart-wrenching cry session, save for maybe his red face. Mal couldn’t tell though if this was just residual redness from crying so hard, or if it was redness from embarrassment at the fact that he’d cried so hard. Whichever it was Mal, somewhat clumsily, set one hand carefully on Jay’s knee in response. He didn’t push her off or move his leg as he ran a hand through his hair, so she figured he didn’t mind the physical contact too much, even though it certainly bordered on comforting him. This wasn’t something they usually did. 

The hair he was running fingers through had long since showing up at her dorm fallen from the constraints of its bun, and now hung limply around the sharp edges of his face. She felt very compelled to lean forward and tuck these bothersome strands of hair back behind his ears, and then briefly wondered if this desire was an odd one. If it had been Evie she would’ve leaned in close with no hesitation, her fingertips probably lingering over the soft, velveteen backs of her ears as she did so, admiring the smooth, silky quality of those indigo tendrils as she so often did. Was that odd? Why couldn’t Mal tell? 

Probably seeing her spaced-out expression, Jay grunted as he stretched out his arms over his head to stretch and then settled into an even more slumped position against Mal’s headboard, legs crossed. It brought her back to reality, giving his knee a gentle and reassuring squeeze of encouragement to respond. He didn't look very encouraged, in fact he looked rather defeated, and when he spoke his voice was so emotionless it could have been anyone.    
“Yeah, well honestly you’d probably have better luck talking to Carlos, I guess I know fucking nothing. What’s new.”   
Mal didn’t say anything, though Jay’s blatant pessimism and hallow chuckle did catch her off guard. Not that Jay was known for his crazy positivity or anything, but he just sounded so...basically, here in Auradon, she didn't hear that voice come out of him very often. 

The all too familiar yet all too foreign quality of his voice freaked Mal out, and immediately her body became more rigid, more guarded. It was astonishing how quickly the villain kids could all flip a switch like that, return to the horrid place they'd been raised for 15, 16, 17 years in the blink of an eye. She ran her thumb over Jay's knee at this brief thought before pulling her hand away, simply glaring at him in a way that said she wasn’t going to respond to that. She wanted straight answers and she wanted them now. Another funny thing about Jay was that, for such an impatient person, it was very common that others needed to be patient with him. He was a slow thinker. Not because he was stupid, even if some looked at his strong stature or jock tendencies and assumed so. In fact, it was the opposite, he was very thorough, and to most people's surprise, Mal was more often than not the more impulsive of the two. Jay liked to think through things a little bit more, he didn't like there to be margins of error or variables that could lead to his failure. Mal liked to go with her gut, she often times struck more on desperation than on calculation. Jay and her both craved success and approval from a young age sure, but Jay had such a fear of failing, while Mal was just so eager to make it that it didn't how many times it took. Both tactics had their faults, but if put together, the two young cunning villains soon learned that a pinch of caution and a drop of intuition equals a perfectly formulated plan. When they added Carlos and eventually Evie to their little pseudo friendship, the plans would only get better, but before them, it was just those two. Mal and Jay against the world. 

After a minute of this silent grilling Jay sighed, glancing up at her briefly through squinted eyes as he relented to elaborate a little bit more.    
“Carlos and I brought Evie home last night for you from the party, right? And I don’t know, maybe she doesn’t even remember because she was pretty out of it and drunk, but there was some blood on her leg. And so-”    
Mal immediately cut Jay off, unintentionally sucking in air so fast that it got caught in her throat. She was trying to combat the feeling of the wind being knocked out of her, as she pinched the delicate skin between her thumb and forefinger to silently tell herself to calm down.    
“Blood? From what? How much?”   
She definitely didn’t sound very calm. 

Jay must have heard the panic in his friend’s voice too because immediately his eyes flashed with sympathy, seemingly becoming darker as if that were possible. His voice became a lot softer and it made Mal itch, she hated this. Back on the Isle talks were never like this. Terrible things happened to misunderstood people all the time, all around you, bad news was tossed around like confetti and everyone was blunt and to the point, because even if it hurt it was fastest. Like ripping off a band-aid quick, except even then you hardly ever felt the pain of it because there were just so _many_ band-aids. After a while, you just get used to it. In Auradon it wasn’t like that, here Mal had grown unused to this feeling. The feeling of the rug being pulled out from under you, the floor fading away under your very feet. She hadn't been prepared for this, why hadn't she been prepared for this? 

“Hey, I shouldn't have just dumped that on you just then like that, my bad, but it wasn’t too much Mal, I mean really she was okay. I don’t know what it was from though, but I-”   
Again, Mal jumped on Jay, not letting him finish. She felt like there was static in her veins. She wanted to stand up and start pacing like she always did when she was feeling nervous and scared as she was right now, but she forced herself to stay seated. She didn’t like the way Jay was talking like he was trying to keep a cornered animal from biting, she didn't like the way he apologized for being so blunt even though he never used to because that was just him- and Jay never apologized, let alone for being himself. He didn't like the way he said Evie was okay like he didn't believe it.    
“Did you see the injury??”  
Jay hesitantly shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck. Mal squeezed the skin between her thumb and pointer even harder, trying to feel it and focus on it.   
“She wouldn’t let me see it.”

  
Jay’s response took Mal by surprise, and immediately her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Jay didn’t look at her, he was too busy pretending to be extremely invested in the cracking of his own knuckles and continued staring down. He had beads of sweat on his brow bone, though. By now Mal knew all his tells, you couldn't be partners in crime with someone for nearly ten years and not.    
“What? What do you mean?? Why wouldn’t she let you-”   
Mal couldn’t manage to finish her own question as her thoughts caught up with her tongue and it dawned on her the limited number of possible answers that question could garner. She didn’t like any of them, any of the answers. They all made this sick feeling in her stomach soar, and suddenly she didn’t know if she wanted to know any of this- if she wanted to talk to Evie tonight at all. She kind of just wanted to ask Jay to leave and go make up with Carlos, to text Evie back and say forget it, make the four of them all watch a movie together in the boy's dorm instead. 

Mal hadn’t realized Jay was looking at her, studying her rather, until he started speaking again. Still softly and slowly.    
“She said she fell on the stairs at the party and hit her leg.”   
Mal shook her head, wrapping her arms around her middle so that she was gripping her own sides, almost turning herself inside out. She couldn’t tell what she was feeling, but when she spoke her voice sounded angry as it so often did. She wasn't angry at Jay of course, or Evie, or anyone else in particular really, just angry at the situation I suppose.    
“That’s bullshit.”   
“Yeah, I know.” 

Mal was shaking. Jay noticed but didn’t say anything, it reminded him a lot of Carlos. He felt awful, even more so than before during his fight with Carlos, which said a lot. Maybe this was a mistake, he thought. Coming here and telling her all this. Maybe Carlos was right to do what he did, to keep things a secret, maybe now he understood the younger boy’s mentality at least a little bit. This was hard as hell to do, and, in a way, keeping it a secret meant fewer people getting hurt. Maybe that was how Evie felt too. But he knew it had to be done, he’d already done enough avoiding and denying and sitting around doing nothing for a lifetime. And if something happened to Evie...if something happened to the girl who was his bonafide little sister he'd never be able to forgive himself. This hadn’t even been all of it, all of what Mal deserved to know. Initially, Jay had wanted to voice the other concerns he had, concerns that he had long before any of last night took place. Last night had just been the tip of the iceberg. 

Jay wanted to bring up the fact that Evie suspiciously asked to use the bathroom in the fourth block class they shared together each and every day without fail. He wanted to bring up the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d really seen Evie eat much more than half her breakfast or lunch or dinner on the days she showed up at the caf- how her appetite habits had seemingly changed very little from what they were back on the isle. He wanted to bring up the fact that Carlos seemed so much more lifeless since Evie started regularly pulling him away from the group intermittently to talk privately. He wanted to bring up most of all the fact that the blue-haired girl was so clearly and painfully in love with her best friend who was somehow still missing it, even if he knew it wasn’t his place to do so. That was why he’d had Mal text her I suppose, so that now they have no choice but to talk and hopefully most of this would come out on Evie's terms. Jay knew that if anyone could fix the problem it was Mal. If anyone could fix Evie, it was Mal. But he should've told her sooner, he should've confronted Carlos sooner and then maybe they'd be coming to Mal together rather than crying about one another in separate rooms as they so frequently did. He just prayed it wasn't too late. 

  
“So I don’t understand, didn’t you interrogate her more after that? You guys both let her just lie to you?”   
Jay faltered slightly, feeling embarrassed by his answer.    
“Well I- no, not really. I left after that, pretty much. I kind of ran out on them.”   
“You _what_?”   
Mal’s eyes flashed their cerulean green, Jay didn’t even have to look at her to know this he could just hear it in her voice. He tried to keep his voice steady where her’s was shrill, not even all that angry just discomposed.    
“You would have done the same, Mal. You would have been scared and freaked out, totally rattled and- and you would have needed a minute to gather yourself.”   
Jay sounded overly defensive in a way that perfectly showcased his guilt, but Mal merely scoffed defiantly.    
“No, I certainly wouldn’t have.” 

Jay cracked his knuckles, or tried to anyway, but as he bent and pushed on each finger no satisfying crack was emitted, no release of built-up pressure. It was because he did the nervous, impulsive act subconsciously and far too frequently for any air to have settled between his joints yet again, but still it sent him over the edge.   
“Well, I guess we’ll never know because you weren’t _there,_ were you.”   
Jay spoke before he could catch himself, immediately feeling the weight of his own words and the effect they had on Mal. He watched as she dug her nails into her sides from over her shirt, clinging onto herself for dear life as she felt herself and everything else unravel. She was lucky her nails were so pathetically short from chewing in bed at night when she woke up from a nightmare, otherwise, there probably would have been marks plaguing the vague outline of her ribcage. She felt like she was going to be sick. Had she really been so busy pretending with Ben, so sidetracked by their new 'perfect' life, so enamored by her own confusing maybe feelings for someone new that she could have missed something _this_ big? Something right in front of her? What even _was_ this something? What did any of this mean other than Auradon was making her lose her touch.

“'Los already made me feel bad enough about running, okay. That’s what our fight had been about. Mostly, anyway. I know it was a dumbass thing to do.”   
Mal took a moment but eventually nodded, knowing that Jay was trying to apologize for his last words in his own way, even though Mal knew he was right. She should've been there. Unbeknownst to her, this one regret would continue to plague her often in the following weeks, months, years. Jay continued talking as Mal proceeded to stare off, back to his uncomfortably soft and gentle way of speaking.    
“And besides Mal, did we really need to interrogate her? I mean, c’mon, she wouldn’t let me _look_ at the cut. She started crying and freaking out when I tried to, like full blown panic attack. She BEGGED us not to tell you. She was...I mean she was a wreck, Mal, like really scary shit, another few minutes and 'Los would've called you. What else could it have-   
“Don’t do that, don’t assume the worst.”   
Suddenly Mal was standing now without even meaning to, her legs making the decision for her apparently that she needed to pace, needed to move to keep the fuzzy blood in her veins moving. She felt cold as ice.    
_ She told him not to tell me? _

Jay sighed, scooching towards the edge of the bed some so that his legs hung off the side as he watched her.   
“Mal-”  
“Evie has never hurt herself before, Jay. I know it’s something you and I used to deal with, I know it's something most villain kids have dealt with, but she- but not Evie. I mean, why the hell would she just start hurting herself now anyways?? After living her dream life in Auradon for six months?"  
Mal spoke in sync with her steps, the heavy clomp of her combat boots nearly matching that of her thundering heart. She felt like she was one of those old toys with the giant keys in the back, the ones you wind-up to make move or dance.   
"What if she didn't just start?"  
Jay kicked his legs as he spoke like a kid on swings, watching Mal move jerkily. She cared about Evie so much it was almost frightening. 

  
"Well, if she didn’t just start, then how would we have not noticed before? How could she have hidden that from us, huh? It's not like she hid other things from us on the Isle, things like her eating disorder. I mean we never talked about it explicitly either but, that's just how things worked on the island. You had scars, we all knew it, we never said anything, and then when we came to Auradon the marks on your upper biceps and in the crooks of your elbows magically stopped appearing, and that's how it worked. Not this way, not the other way around."  
Jay could hardly hear his own voice over Mal's stomping as he squinted down at the carpet, rolling the words around in his mouth.   
"Well, has she really stopped any of the other things she did on the Isle? Has she really- I mean, has there been that much of a change in her? Mal, I'm not Carlos and I don't know everything, but I haven't seen her put on any weight exactly since we stepped out of that limousine six months ago."  
  
Jay's words made Mal trip over her own feet briefly and the even and consistent cadence of her steps faltered, ruining the pattern for a few seconds before she got back into the groove of her walking beat. She tried to refocus on that, on the feeling of her feet hitting the ground, on the way it felt so solid and real and safe under her. He was wrong, Jay was wrong he had to be. The cutting was one thing but this was a whole other can of worms. She'd been eating, Evie had been eating, right? Mal brought her breakfast every morning. Mal sat next to her at their cafeteria table for lunch and dinner every afternoon and evening. Mal hadn't been this awful of a friend, Mal had been a little neglectful and a little distracted but she wasn't _blind_ , she wasn't that terrible. Even as she thought this though, Mal couldn't help but think back to just a few mornings ago when Evie was complaining about one of her Isle-original dresses being too big on her now.   
"How could Carlos not tell us about that if that were true? Carlos wouldn't do that."   
"...Maybe he's scared."  
"And maybe you’re just projecting.”    
That last sentence made Jay flinch because he was worried it was true. He was worried he was somehow blowing this out of proportion, misunderstanding the confusing events of the previous night, reading into things too much as he sometimes had a habit of doing. But then he thought back to Carlos’s eyes during their fight, how sad and defeated and tired he had looked when Jay asked him if Evie was alright, giving him all the answer he needed.   
  
“I don’t know, okay Mal? I don’t know. That’s why you and her are going to talk tonight to get all this squared away. Right now all I know is that she isn’t okay, Carlos-”   
Mal snapped, her feet stopping abruptly. She squinted her eyes shut as she yelled to keep them from emitting their inevitable glow.    
“Well, I KNOW Evie, okay!? I know her better than I know myself, better than anyone else in the whole world, certainly better than Carlos, and if she- if something was wrong I would know! I would know and I would stop it, okay!? I’d have stopped it! I'd have been there! I'd have...”    
Mal tapered off into a soft whisper, a question lingering somewhere between the words she tried to speak as facts. Jay stood up from the bed now and walked over to her, placing a hand carefully on both her shoulders so that she was made to face him. She wouldn't though, her eyes still closed.    
“Mal, you’ve just been sidetracked with-”   
She shrugged Jay off quickly, pulling her bottom lip back into her mouth.    
“No, I haven’t.”

Jay sighed for what must’ve been the millionth time that day. He was exhausted. He felt like he’d just aged 20 years in the last two hours, and the day was hardly even half over. He could only imagine how Mal felt, knowing that later on at dinner there would be so much more to discuss. It was times like this it felt so blatantly obvious why she was their leader. She was so much stronger than him, than any of them combined.    
“Why do you think she’s been confiding in Carlos, then?”   
Mal licked her lips, searching for an answer that wasn't 'you're right'. She couldn’t think of one.   
“Where are you going?”  
Mal was suddenly moving away from him, a determined look on her face.   
“I’m going to talk to Carlos.” 

  
Jay reached the door before Mal could, quickly blocking it with his body. Without any warning, Mal started hitting Jay's chest with no hesitation, blows that weren’t playful in nature but filled with hurt and anger, blows that would surely leave his chest bruised in the morning. He didn’t mind, he let Mal have her moment. He closed his eyes and stood his ground as she punched him again and again and again, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any second. Jay tried to hold his breath, trying not to whimper or grunt or show any signs that the act was causing him pain. Whatever would help her. If it would help Mal to punch Jay like he was a human punching bag, you didn't have to ask him twice. After the sixth or seventh punch, Mal finally collapsed, her knees buckling as she fell to the ground 

Jay took a minute to catch his breath, finally exhaling and grunting softly as he knelt down beside her, ignoring the pain in his chest. He wrapped his arm around her, draping them over her small shoulders and pulling her in close as he often did. Mal didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just kept her fingertips pressed to her eyelids and the corners of her eyes, willing them to not let her break. How could both her  _ and _ Jay possibly crumble in the same day? She melted into her oldest friend's embrace.    
“I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t want me to know. I mean, does she think I’d be mad? Because I wouldn’t. How could I ever be mad at her? Does she think it'll change things? It couldn't possibly change _too_ much, not the important things anyway. I mean I-I love her. Nothing could change that.”   
Mal knew for certain this last bit was true, she'd tried. 

Jay rubbed her arms reassuringly, trying to make the situation make any sense in his own head as well. It was all so complicated and complex and emotional, and he wasn't good at emotional. His brain which loved overthinking and analyzation and detested variables or question marks was in overdrive. Instead, Jay thought back to Mal his conversation from this morning, about how Mal didn’t understand love and Jay had half lied when he said neither did he. Right now though, the way Mal spoke so heartbrokenly about the blue-haired princess who’d been her best friend and maybe something more for over three years, when she popped at the seams and all the vibrant color faded from her pallet when she even contemplated the idea that that enchanting girl was hurting....well, it certainly seemed to Jay that she could comprehend love just fine.   
  
“Do you love Evie like you love Ben?”    
Jay whispered the question, but his voice still sounded loud in the deadly silent bedroom. Mal shook her head almost instantaneously, finally pulling her fingers away from her eyes. They fluttered open and she stared down at her hands, or more specifically at the big gold ring she wore on her left one. Usually, she admired how the gifted piece of jewelry sparkled in the sunlight, but here inside her room, from where she was seated on the shadowy floor, it looked almost grimy.    
“No.”   
“No?”   
Carefully Mal slipped the hefty ring off her finger, even if only briefly. For some reason she felt so much lighter.    
“I love her so,  _ so _ much more.”    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally blown away w/ y'all but what's new at this point! Tysm for reading this chapter, idk about you but it kinda broke my heart...chapter 8 is definitely even worse so prep yourselves. How do you think Mal and Evie's date- I mean "talk" is going to go?? Lemme know your predictions for sure, I can't wait to read the comments as always. <3 Love y'all sm, ty again I can literally never say it enough haha, you make writing so fun and that's a wonderful thing. (:  
> -Abbie 
> 
> PS: thinking about publishing some new descendants fics, it might mean slower updates on this fic tho bc I'll be spreading my efforts out over two stories...thoughts?


	8. Last of Her Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so long, you have been warned 😅 also sorry if there's any mistakes !! I don't have time to edit rn bc it's so long ksjksjs, so I apologize in advance.  
> Enjoy anyway!

Sometimes Mal could have sworn that the glowing green eyes adorning her pale, textbook fae appearance were a curse. Like somehow, even though she knew magic was of course rendered useless on the isle, her mother had found a way around the ban and managed to muster up all the suppressed strength inside her on the unfortunate day of her birth. She’d used this sudden surge of power to curse her new baby girl with the worst thing she could possibly conjure up on the spot- a pair of emerald eyes that held the ability to emit her emotions for all the world to see whenever she felt them too hard. It was truly a punishment she could never escape. If Mal felt something too strongly, no matter what the feeling was, hate, sadness, fear, love if it existed- her eyes would surely showcase it for all to see by emitting pigment like a beacon. Her mother would surely have taken credit for the cursed things if it’d truly been her doing though, that’s the only reason Mal knew it wasn’t really a curse from her that was responsible for her magical ailment. She guessed the odds were just stacked against her from day one.

Mal hated them, her eyes. From the youngest age she could recall she detested these eyes and their magical qualities. She hated being forced to wear her heart on her cheek, knowing that no matter how many years she’d spend perfecting her poker face it wouldn’t matter, because if the heart in her chest started to hammer against her will, then her eyes would know. Her eyes would always give her away.    
_ I’d love to do you a real service and pluck those heinous green bulbs out of your ugly little face. They show your WEAKNESS, Mal. You aren’t strong like Mother, you don’t have control over them as I do. How sad it that? You can’t even control yourself, let alone bend the will of others. I pray for your own sake someday soon you will learn, child, otherwise, they’ll ruin you.  _ __   
  
But Mal still didn’t have control over them and had started to lose hope that some magical, fateful day she ever would. She certainly didn’t have a hold on them as she sat now, waiting in the biting cold and thick silence beside some metal bleachers, pulling out fistfuls of grass absentmindedly. But truthfully, what  __ did Mal have a hold on these days? Not much, evidently. The heart that was stuck somewhere between her throat and stomach felt as heavy as lead at this thought, and it pulsated rhythmically, making her green eyes flash like some kind of beacon or homing signal. Mal could feel the magic glowing and stinging even when she closed her eyes, her emotions hot against her eyelids like a lamp left on a minute too long. 

Mal felt like she was going to set the entire Goddamn Auradon Tourney field on fire if she sat and waited on this plaid picnic blanket any longer, the material scratchy against the small bits of exposed skin she had between the ends of her jeans and the tops of her sneakers. She would never say it out loud but she hated this blanket. It was from her and Ben’s first date, so she should have loved it, she supposed. She should have felt as if it held some sort of nostalgic and sentimental memories between the two of them. Most Auradon princesses probably would have taken something like this and hung it up in their pink bedrooms over their vanity beds, kissed it sweetly and sniffed it when their other half was far away from home, gifted it to their firstborn with tears in their eyes retelling the story of how Mommy and Daddy came to be. Mal just wanted to throw the damned thing out personally, but had enough restraint to at least let it live instead in a crumpled up ball at the back of her and Evie’s closet. 

It smelled like enchanted lake water, for starters, from when Mal had nearly drowned herself trying to fetch Ben from the lake even though she couldn’t swim. Plus, it definitely smelled a little of smoke from the way one of its corners was scorched and charred black. Mal had, unexpectedly, turned into a dragon on the last date they’d dragged the blanket out for, which was the day after Cotillion when Mal was still trying to learn how to control her newfound ability. In short, the thing reeked. Mostly though, Mal hated the blanket because it effortlessly brought her back to that first date with Ben when she rubbed her sensitive fingertips over its course weaving, and she’d rather forget that day if at all possible. Been seemed to hate that Mal felt this way about their first date, judging by how often he tried to fondly bring it up, but Mal couldn’t remember another time when she’d felt so confused and scared as those first days here in Auradon. So guilty and so torn, like her heart and brain were waging a war against one another and pulling her in a million different directions, her instincts betraying her in a foreign land with a foreign boy and foreign feelings. She’d never felt so overwhelmingly empty and whole all at once, so conflicted yet so sure, so out of her element yet somehow at home. Except perhaps for tonight actually, here, in the middle of a field behind Auradon Prep. She seemed to be feeling pretty damn scared and confused tonight too. Mal, once again, blamed the blanket. 

It had only dawned on Mal in the last few minutes that it was actually much colder outside than she’d planned on it being. The girl had remembered to at least wear her purple leather coat over the thin black sweater she’d been wearing, and borrowed a dark blue scarf that’d been draped over Evie’s bedpost last minute, but honestly, she still found herself wishing she’d thought to wear a hat and gloves too. This was their first winter in Auradon, and unlike on the Isle where the weather was always cold and dreary, this was really the first time Mal had actually found herself needing to prepare or protect from the weather since their arrival. I guess she’d just grown so accustomed to heated dorm rooms and insulated art rooms that she hadn’t even thought to dress in layers for when day started to fade away to night and the chilly air turned downright cold.

I mean it wasn’t mid January or anything, there was certainly no snow on the ground just yet, but autumn was very quickly giving way to winter in Auradon all the same. When Mal stared at the trees in the fading light that lined the outermost edges of Auradon’s impressively large Tourney field and track, they were mostly bare. Save for a few splotches of red or orange that proved Autumn was hanging on by its teeth, it was practically winter already. As the wind bit at her face every few minutes until she nuzzled even deeper into the mismatching scarf around her neck, she caught herself worrying for the kids she cared about back on the Isle. They must be worried about this winter, she thought. If she’d still been there she certainly would’ve been, and rightfully so. Winters on the Isle were brutal and long, so an early start to the dreaded season was never something an Isle kid desired. Just this thought alone made her shivering intensify tenfold, like she was back to sitting on that familiar cold, concrete floor of her and her friend’s old hideout. She wondered if it harbored different shaking children now. 

To stop from thinking about it too much, seeing as her mind always had a way of making it back to that place she no longer considered home but still a part of her all the same, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply the scarf that was shielding the bottom half of her face. With the soft material over her chin, mouth, and nose, Mal felt like she was suffocating on the scent of Evie’s perfume and she loved it. It was something sweet mixed with something sensual and then something else altogether, much like Evie herself. Mal couldn’t help but think it was surprisingly woodsy and wondered how it still managed to read so feminine. It was a little floral but not overly so, roses Mal thought, mixed with a little lavender, or something else equally warm and comforting and earthy, and then there were notes of something else that Mal couldn’t discern. Whatever it was made Mal’s eyes glow even stronger, much to her dismay, and her face felt almost hot even in the early winter air. As she sat there like a fool with her face buried into her best friend’s scarf, her hands shoved deep into her pockets for warmth, she couldn’t help but hope Evie remembered to wear a jacket. 

It was a real miracle Mal had managed to show up to this talk at all, and not back out on their plans as she’d so desperately wanted to. After the nightmare that was her and Jay’s talk only an hour and a half prior, she was a wreck. Like, genuinely a mess. Her mind was running wild and she simply shut down, tried to numb it all out. I mean, she’d literally collapsed onto the floor, which was something Jay could probably count the number of times he’d seen on one hand, and still have fingers to spare. It was just too much, all of it was way too much. When it was Evie it was too much. Mal just couldn’t  _ grasp _ what was happening, couldn’t make it make sense in her warbled mind. I mean Evie was okay, Mal had really, truly made herself believe that Evie was okay. She’d been acting a little off, particularly last night, but that was just Evie- she was emotional and she was soft and she was fragile like all of the world’s prettiest things, and so she let it show when things affected her in a way Mal could never dream of doing. 

Evie was and always had been a little more broken than she ever let on, because appearances were so big to her, and Mal knew as much. But, I guess, Mal just held Evie to different standards without realizing it. It was like she could acknowledge Evie had been through terrible, horrible things, things that would make even Mal’s mother feel a pang of sympathy in her shriveled little heart. She had been told things over and over every day multiple times a day for 16 years of her life that, of course, must still weigh on her, eat at her, echo in her head when she entered a quiet room. But somehow there was a disconnect between that and Mal’s ability to recognize Evie wasn’t alright. Maybe she really did think Evie was some kind of invincible, magical being, who could just withstand so much more than the average person, could just smile through the pain. In a lot of ways she was. But seldom had it dawned on Mal that maybe, that wide smile that sent shivers down her spine and conflicting signals to her brain might be fake. Had it  _ always  _ been fake? 

If it hadn’t been for Jay she wouldn’t be here, she certainly didn’t want to be. But when Jay held her and looked her in the eyes and told her that she  _ needed _ to do this because he and Carlos needed to know she would be okay, because  _ Evie needed her _ ….well, she didn’t really have much of a choice. Not that she had any idea as to what she was going to say once her best friend arrived. She was trying not to think about it, really. That would make this all real. Mal doubted she’d even had time to process about half of what Jay had told her anyway, so really she was just naively hoping Evie would for some reason take the lead, knowing fully well that of course, she wasn’t going to. 

For starters, Evie was probably going to show up nervous as hell on account of Mal’s cryptic and cold text messages. And then, already on edge, what was she going to do? Sit down and tell Mal all the things she’d been keeping a secret from them all and the reasons why? Smile and laugh when Mal started inevitably shaking and maybe even crying and hopefully not screaming as she typically did when she got worked up? Agree to stop hurting herself or get help just like that so that the two girls could enjoy the rest of their dinner over pleasant conversation? All highly unlikely scenarios. The most unlikely scenario of all was, of course, the one Mal was hoping and praying for the most, which was the fantasy she was still clinging onto that all of this was just a misunderstanding and that Evie was okay. She just needed Evie to be okay. If Evie smiled and told her she was okay, gripped her hand tightly and spoke reassuring words that the purple-haired girl so desperately longed to hear, Mal was worried she might just smile back and believe her. Against her better judgment, she might just roll over and selfishly keep living in this pretend, make-believe paradise of Auradon she’d manifested in her mind, where everything she yearned to have on the Isle was perfectly wrapped with a little bow on top. This ideal world in which she loved a King named Ben dearly and more than anything, and all of her friends were happy and safe, and magically all the cruelties of their childhood no longer seemed to plague them. She hadn’t realized that  _ real _ life was so drastically different from this life she’d convinced herself of, until today. 

Now that she was here with the threat of disappointing Jay and Carlos if she failed to get the painful truth from out of her best friend, this lonely waiting game really wasn’t helping to convince herself she’d made the right choice. To say she was on edge would have been an understatement, just ask the patch of completely ruined grass beside her. When she looked down at herself she grimaced at both her palms which were covered in dirt, blades of crumbled grass strewn all across her lap. She felt so ill with guilt and worry and nervousness, even glancing at the picnic basket full of food beside her sent a whirlwind of nausea in her stomach. Mal was so unaccustomed to this feeling. When bad things happened she was usually fine, composed. I mean on the Isle she had to be. She was usually prepared and detached, she looked at it as a challenge to win or a mission to complete and it kept her from getting emotional. Back on the Isle when Carlos would come to her shaky and crying and petrified because Jay had lost an unfair fight and was left battered in an alley somewhere clinging to life, she would just breathe deeply before asking where he was and getting him, saving him. Mal was good at saving.

But when she thought about Evie, thought about  _ Evie  _ needing saving...saving here in Auradon, and saving from herself no less, it felt so wrong. I mean, there had been times before when Mal would need to come to the other girl’s rescue, of course there had been. When a man would get too rough with her somewhere hidden from view, all she had to do was scream and Mal would be there in a heartbeat, ready to knock him out cold. If Mal didn’t see Evie for a few days in a row she would scale the side of her castle and climb in through her bedroom window without hesitation, ready to carry her back to the hideout because she couldn’t walk from being locked in her room without food for so long. But even then, even during the time when she was at her worst, Evie was  _ supposed _ to be the one who had it all together. That was her role. It was selfish but it was true. Evie was the group’s glue. It wasn’t like she wasn’t valuable to them in many other ways, like the fact that she was intelligent and level-headed and charming, not to mention a badass when she needed to be, but she was valued so much more for her other less conventional qualities. Qualities so rarely found on the Isle that she had captivated Mal and Jay so thoroughly upon first meeting she was considered one of them by sunset. 

Evie laughed when it started to feel like the walls were closing in, or she’d smile and suddenly every cloud in the stormy sky would have a silver lining. She could make Carlos, who was scared of everything, feel safe. She could make Jay, who wouldn’t even react when his own father was scarring his back with a whip, smile and laugh until he was crying. And Mal, well Evie could make Mal do anything. Evie was Mal’s rock. Evie brought Mal down to Earth when she started straying too far, or was the one who lifted her back up when Mal would chain herself down in fear of getting hurt. Evie was smart and she was strong and she was brave, but most importantly she’d been something all along that most of them, Mal in particular, had to  _ learn _ how to be with time- was still learning how to be really, and that was kind. Evie was kind above all else. Evie had  _ always _ been kind, even if she was raised by a woman who never showed an ounce of kindness to her. Mal wondered if perhaps that was why the only person Evie was ever truly incapable of being kind towards, was herself. 

Evie was lots of things. Evie was magic. Evie was perfect. Evie was hurt, because of course she was, this much Mal knew was obvious. But Evie was never  _ broken _ , or so Mal had thought, anyway. Or maybe she had never truly thought it, she had just wished it, and when you wish for something hard enough you can nearly will it into existence. Nearly. She made herself believe it, but even so, Mal wasn’t so oblivious that she didn’t know Evie was hurt. After all, weren’t most of life’s precious things? Mal had seen the hurt with her own cursed eyes since the day they met. Obviously, Mal had seen it, even when she tried to pretend she hadn’t because it hurt to dwell on. Mal saw this seldom spoken of hurt in the way Evie lingered on her reflection far too long in the mirror each morning, with a look of disapproval that scarily resembled that of her Mother’s. She saw it in the way Evie would avoid looking at other girls when changing in the locker room for gym class, and usually sneak off to a stall before undressing. She saw it in the way Evie let boys treat her like a piece of meat, crying after a one-night stand when she thought Mal was sleeping and couldn’t hear her. She saw it in the way Evie would sometimes flinch and frown immediately after smiling at something, remembering that the expression could cause wrinkles. She saw it that night at Cotillion when Mal was distracted through the entirety of her and Ben dancing trying to understand why her best friend was so upset until the spinning motions made her sick. But Evie was never  _ broken _ , right? How could Evie be broken? 

How could Mal’s rock, her sanity, her little piece of magic be broken? It wouldn’t be fair. Things like that weren’t meant to break, things like precious gemstones and magical artifacts didn’t just shatter into pieces. They could crack and become dented and that was fine, Mal could patch her up, but as long as Evie just stayed whole, just stayed intact, then things would be okay. So that’s what Mal had told herself. That’s what they had all told themselves, told each other. It was one big, elaborate play, and apparently, today was curtain call. If things were okay when Evie was whole, then she couldn’t have been whole anymore, Mal realized, because today things were as far from okay as they could have been. Things weren’t okay at all. Ben and her’s relationship was on the rocks, to say the least, Jay and Carlos were fighting and hardly talking, her own emotions were a tangled, confusing wreck, and her best friend was slowly killing herself in a myriad of ways without realizing it. Or maybe she did realize it. Was that even worse?

The sun had begun to set fully now, and as the sky slowly started to change color from a light, milky blue to a darker orange and teal the stadium lights automatically switched on around Mal. The spaced-out girl jumped, squinting briefly at the sudden change in lighting. She hadn’t realized she’d practically been sitting in total darkness until then and now felt like a bug under a microscope with the sudden change in atmosphere. Mal was doing the most she could not to just get up and literally run. Run from this picnic, from Auradon, from Evie, from all of it. She was amping herself up way too much before Evie had even arrived, the static in her returning. Suddenly the perfume she loved so much that permeated her nose was suffocating her instead, and she ripped the scarf off even as the icy air that met her exposed neck immediately clawed at her to put it back on. 

Mal balled up the scarf, shoving it into her jacket pocket as breathlessly she watched a field light from across the field near the fifty-yard line. Clearly, she was welcoming any distractions by this point, that was always the best tactic to use when she felt the telltale feeling of panic rising like bile in her throat. So she focused on this light, small and insignificant and so far away from her she could’ve convinced herself it was a lightning bug. The small light that was now capturing her full attention flickered on and off intermittently as if in need of a new battery amongst all the other perfectly fine, bright field lights. Mal resonated with the light for some reason, maybe because it mimicked the fluttery, unpredictable feeling of her own racing heart, but either way, it captivated her and calmed her down a little. She tried to focus solely on this, counting how many times it turned on and off rather than thinking about what she was going to say to Evie once she arrived over and over as if rehearsing lines for a play. Mal’s entire body was so weighed down with impending dread and indescribable guilt that luckily enough, she didn’t think she could have even stood to flee the scene even if she tried.

Mal felt guilty about so much, too much in fact, and now sitting here beside eerily empty bleachers she couldn’t help but think about how she’d basically replaced Ben with Evie on their date tonight and that wasn’t doing much to soothe her conscious. Shakily, without taking her eyes off the flickering light across the field, she pulled out her phone to check the time. It was 4:38 pm, so Evie was definitely late. Mal shouldn’t have been too worried by this, because she knew that’s how the perfectionistic girl operated, always running somewhere ten minutes behind everyone else and feeling overly bad about it upon arrival, and yet the heart in her chest still started beating even faster at this discovery. She couldn’t help but think something bad had happened to Evie, or rather, that she’d done something bad to herself. Immediately after the paranoid part of her thought this, the other half of her brain coated with dismissal started fighting back. It claimed that Evie would never do something like that and of course she was okay, to which the other side started pointing fingers of blame in order to counteract denial. Mal wasn’t even sure which voice was the voice of reason anymore, all she knew was that she wanted to bash her own head against something hard until it stopped. She wanted to grab fistfuls of wavy, purple hair and just- 

“M?”   
Mal’s eyes snapped away from the mesmerizing light and suddenly her entire spinning world was condensed into the size of one frail girl. Evie was there, all of Evie was there. She was whole and she was beside her, and she looked confused and tired and worried crouching there next to her near-catatonic best friend, but for a minute that face almost made Mal forget what they were there to talk about or that anything was wrong at all, and she didn’t realize she was crying until she was buried in Evie. Mal dove into the crouching girl so hard it knocked her off her feet and over onto her butt, and something resembling a small laugh escaped her throat as Mal buried her head in her chest. The laugh died fast once Evie realized her best friend was sobbing into her red long sleeve shirt, and she immediately enveloped her in her arms like a child, breathing into her hairline as she pressed her face against the top of Mal’s head protectively and spoke softly. Mal couldn’t help but realize how large she felt even wrapped up in the taller girl’s arms, almost like an embarrassed child who was definitely too old for their mother’s lap. It felt like Evie had shrunk ten sizes overnight. 

“Mal, oh my gosh- what’s wrong? What happened?”   
Evie’s raspy voice was heavily laced with concern, which only made Mal feel worse and subsequently cry harder- this wasn’t meant to be about her. Feeling that her questions had made Mal squeeze her midsection even tighter in a way that made blue butterflies flap against her ribs, Evie hurriedly spoke again.    
“I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. You said we were going to talk though- do you want to talk about it? I’m really sorry, I don’t know what any of this is about, M. Just let me know what you want.”   
  
Hearing the utter confusion and fear in Evie’s words was the kick Mal needed to force herself to recompose. Evie must’ve been at such a loss. ‘I’m sorry’ she kept saying, even though she’d just arrived on the scene maybe a minute prior. That was typical Evie, entirely too apologetic for her own good, eager almost to take the blame for something not her fault in every sense of the word with a smile. YOU could bump into HER and spill coffee all over her favorite new dress she’d spent hours painstakingly perfecting, and Evie would simply pinch herself somewhere and breathe out an apology through a sad smile. It was part of her mother’s conditioning, Mal presumed. Evie had been that way for as long as she could remember, and back on the Isle it certainly stood out. In fact, before she’d met Evie, Mal was almost certain she’d never heard another living person utter those two words. Even now it was one of her biggest pet peeves and got under her skin when she would hear Evie give an unwarranted apology away like it was extra change, simply out of habit. 

Slowly, after a few deep breaths and also a pathetic nod of her head to answer Evie’s question, Mal peeled her face from off of Evie’s shirt. She grimaced at the way the neckline and chest of her friend’s long sleeve was wet, thinking about how that almost certainly wouldn’t do anything to warm up her best friend who had definitely not thought to wear a coat and was already shivering wildly from the fall-winter hybrid air. Because of this, and because of this only, Mal kept her arms wrapped around Evie’s waist even after the blue-haired girl lifted her chin up and off from the top of her head. Hesitantly, through puffy, glowing eyes, Mal glanced up at Evie. Her eyebrows were stitched together in concern the way they only ever were when something worrisome enough was happening for the fear of wrinkles to slip her mind. Her bottom lip was half inside her mouth, being bitten absentmindedly as she locked eyes with Mal.

The first thought that came to Mal’s foggy mind was that Evie looked beautiful, because that’s the first thought that would come to anyone’s mind when Evelyn Grimhilde entered a room and lit it up from the inside out. Her hair was pulled back in a way that was Mal’s favorite because it’d meant the charming witch had been working on something, and it was it’s naturally curly self. Her warm brown eyes looked so light against the sky behind her, which was now nearly black, that they were almost yellow. Glowing. Mal thought briefly that if her own eyes looked like that when they glowed, she might not even hate them very much. She wanted to reach into Evie’s and take out just a pinch of that magic for herself, like her own little drop of honey and sunlight that she could just whip out when her chest felt tight and she needed to feel warm and alive and everything that Evie’s mere presence could make her feel without even trying. 

Almost immediately after all this though, Mal reluctantly noticed how worn down her best friend looked. She had the same look on her face that she’d noticed in the bathroom at the party last night, the one Mal was certain would rub away overnight. The beautiful being looked uncharacteristically tired. Sad. Defeated. It looked altogether wrong on her, like Mal was seeing a griffin or some other creature equally breathtaking and rare with a broken wing. There was a scab from biting on her bottom lip poorly hidden behind nude lipstick, eye bags behind cracked foundation, and something small tainting the rays of honeysuckle in her eyes, something that stopped Mal from reaching in to pluck out a drop in fear of touching it, something dark. It was like Evie was gone for the day and so an understudy had stepped in and briefly taken over instead. It made Mal’s stomach knot. She wanted her friend to smile then in that moment more than anything, just to confirm it was really her in there, but Mal had a feeling that the appearance of this expression tonight would be highly unlikely. 

And the worst part was, though most might think starting off your definitely not-date with a total mental breakdown was the lowest point of the evening, Mal knew the night was surely only going to go downhill from here given the bleak mental checklist of things she had to talk about. The thought of Evie’s gorgeous face only growing  _ more _ tired,  _ more _ defeated,  _ more _ sad, until it was slowly replaced altogether with this imposter’s was almost too much for her to bear. When did she become so soft, Mal wondered, before realizing that perhaps with Evie she had always been like this. She could shoulder the pain when Carlos would show up at the hideout with a fat lip and a black eye and a cracked rib from Cruella’s harsh beatings with little more than a shudder and a lump in her throat, but when Evie would limp in with bruises on her neck that disappeared beneath her top and a fabricated smile on her face as if all was well Mal would shake with anger. Even as her own body would sting from hit after hit from her mother’s staff she would sit up at night wondering about the blue princess who had her heart and whether she was okay just as she did now. How long had Evie looked like this, so faded she was almost translucent? Mal told herself it couldn’t have been very long because she would have noticed. Surely  _ this _ she would have noticed. But then again, Mal seemed to be missing a whole lot of things these days. 

“Is everything okay?”   
Mal hadn’t realized she’d gone so long just staring up at Evie’s face until her friend spoke yet again with caution. Her words manifested as wispy, swirling puffs of smoke as her hot breath met the cold air, and it reminded Mal of how cold it was outside.    
“I don’t know. Are  _ you _ okay?”   
Mal could feel Evie physically stiffen beneath her at the question, her eyebrows furrowing in an equally confused and skeptical manner. She paused for what felt like a long time before finally opened her mouth to respond, but the minute she did so her teeth started chattering together noisily. Evie blushed and tried to tighten her jaw and stop herself, but Mal had already decided enough was enough and pulled away from Evie quick. She wiped at her face with the backs of her hands to get rid of any remaining tears before beginning to unzip and take off her leather jacket speedily. Evie watched her curiously, chewing on her bottom lip once again as she shivered. Her eyes flashed around every once in a while, almost as if looking for an escape, like she was sincerely debating getting up and running. Mal couldn’t blame her, more than anything she wanted to do the same.   
  
“Here, put this on E. It’s freezing out here.”   
Evie opened her mouth to protest but Mal spoke again before she had the chance to, shoving the heavy purple coat that had been with her through everything into Evie’s lap.    
“One of your scarves is in the pocket too, just put them both on. You’re shaking like crazy.”    
Mal gave Evie a look that said the topic wasn’t debatable, which worked even with eyes red from crying apparently because after another small sigh Evie slipped on Mal’s coat. It looked big on her, which was ironic since Mal was almost 3 inches shorter, but even if the sleeves were a little short the purple body of the coat ate up Evie easily. With shaky hands Evie pulled the crumpled scarf from out of Mal’s pocket, laughing a little as she wrapped it around her neck just right in the way only someone who knew a thing or two about fashion could.    
“What do you have my scarf for?”   
  
It was obvious Evie was trying to steer the conversation in a lighter direction, and Mal was all too tempted to roll with it and let her, let Evie steer her anywhere she wanted just so long as it made her happy. But she knew she couldn’t, she had an objective tonight. She needed answers. She needed to ask the tough questions even if they pained her deeply to consider because she loved her, and that’s what you do when you love someone. If Evie wasn’t okay Mal needed to know. Of course it would hurt, God would it hurt, but not nearly as much as she hurt right now. Nothing could be more painful than the knowledge that Evie, who Mal trusted with her own life, was lying to her. Except perhaps this ache of not knowing, of wondering and worrying, of feeling cowardly and guilty for giving in to her own denial out of selfish fear. She wasn’t like Carlos who was too afraid of failure or conflict to intervene, and she wasn’t like Jay who ran away from things he didn’t think could be easily dealt with. She supposed that’s why Evie never told her any of her struggles to begin with, and so she couldn’t really be mad at her for lying. Maybe Mal would do the same, just to spare her. Evie knew that Mal couldn’t acknowledge a problem and then just leave it be. If Evie told her something, she would feel compelled to fix it.    


“Jay and Carlos are fighting.”    
Evie wrapped her arms around her own waist and looked away from Mal quick, almost like something clicked in her head and the mood changed entirely. Mal studied her closely as mindlessly she blew on and played with the fur trim of her soft ankle boots, pretending to be very interested in them just to avoid Mal’s eyes. They weren’t glowing anymore but they might as well have been considering the way Evie felt as though she were going to melt into a puddle right there on the blanket. She recognized the quilted blanket actually as the one Ben and Mal so frequently used on their dates, the one Mal had supplied for their first, and this realization made it a little harder for Evie to breathe. Mal kept a straight face even as she noticed Evie’s breathing hitch, her stony expression having rivaled even Jay’s.    
“Oh?”   
Evie was clearly trying to sound surprised, but it didn’t work all that well. Mal didn’t respond, simply staring at and prompting Evie to continue. She looked up at Mal briefly and then back down at her shoes, clearly trying to figure out the situation and what she was meant to say, what was expected of her. She was trying to gauge how much Mal knew, how fucked she was. 

“That’s um, weird- I mean, those two practically never fight. Was it a serious one?”    
Evie’s voice wavered at the end of her sentence which didn’t go over Mal’s head. Mal could see she knew where this was going, or she had to have at least suspected where it was going. It made Mal angry, and it wasn’t very difficult to keep her face blank anymore. Had she  _ known  _ this was going to happen eventually? I mean she had to, right? Because she’d told Carlos, and while Carlos was a great secret keeper Mal and Jay weren’t stupid, and so, of course, they were going to find out eventually. Why then she even decided to hide anything from them to begin with still baffled her, but Mal had to hand it to Evie, she was certainly a great actress.  
“Yeah. Very. Jay was sobbing.”    
Evie’s expression immediately softened and became less artificial and stiff, becoming consumed by a look of something Mal couldn’t quite distinguish. It almost looked like guilt. 

“Oh my gosh, Jay was-? That’s awful! Did he um, did he say what they were fighting about?”   
Mal licked her lips, trying to decide what to say. Evie looked so fragile right now, all bundled up in an oversized coat entirely not her color, little blue ringlets blowing across her face when a surprising gust of wind would come only to be retucked behind her red ears, that she wanted to be careful. She didn’t want to scare Evie away and make her flinch away and delve even deeper into hiding than she already was. She wanted to make her open up, to draw out all the truth until there were no more secrets between the two of them, but she couldn’t figure out how. She couldn’t figure out how to speak without crying or screaming or both, and neither would be a very good idea. ‘Are you cutting yourself?’, not very delicate or tactful. ‘Why are you keeping secrets from me?’, too accusatory. ‘I miss your smile.’, way too sappy. ‘Kiss me.’, wait what??    


“M, say something.”   
Another long pause. Mal opened and closed her mouth several times but nothing would come out. Sometimes you just have so much to say you can’t say anything at all. This wasn’t usually a problem Mal had. Mal almost always spoke her mind. But right here under the scrutiny of a dozen blue field lights, Mal felt like her throat was closing and she was going to cry again. Evie gently unwrapped her arms from herself even though she was still shivering, as was Mal, and grabbed her best friend’s hand. It was cold but it was soft, and Mal intertwined their fingers without even having to think about it, rubbing her thumb over Evie’s knuckles instinctually. The static in her arm settled to a low rumble in her veins from the contact, and briefly, Mal wondered if it would really be worth it to live a comfortable life with Ben where the white noise inside her body would never be this quiet. He didn’t have this effect, no one did. That was just Evie’s magic. 

“Was it...about me?”    
Evie’s voice sounded so soft when she spoke she was practically whispering, and blended in with the wind so perfectly that Mal might not have even heard her if they weren’t in such close proximity to one another. Evie couldn’t understand why she’d spoken, why she was so tempted to open up suddenly when she knew it was the one thing she couldn’t do. For the first time, she was finding it difficult to do like always and laugh it off, a smile of denial, for the first time ever she wanted to pretend that Mal was Carlos and just spill her guts like she was over a toilet bowl. She supposed it was the way Mal looked so confused and hurt, like she might die if Evie didn’t say something, anything, to alleviate her. Guilt was pounding on her skull and she was worried it would crack. This was Evie’s worst nightmare coming to reality. 

She’d figured it all out the minute she read that text, the dreaded  _ ‘we need to talk’ _ , or most of it anyway. Now all of her suspicions were merely being confirmed. Jay and Carlos were fighting because of her, both boys had broken down and it was all her fault. She saw what her secrets were doing to Carlos, and yet she couldn’t stop her self, couldn’t care enough to stop herself because she was an ugly selfish monster who deserved to rot. And now poor Jay knew, Jay who already had enough on his plate and who worried about so much and who should have been focusing on his own confusing feelings for boys, not Evie and her drama. And now, worst of all, Mal knew. Mal who she so desperately just wanted to be happy and love her and think she was the most perfect, flawless person to ever grace her life.  _ You delusional, narcissistic little bitch. _   
  
Mal knew. Or if she didn’t she was going to soon, because Evie felt like she had no control over her mouth and would surely mess things up for herself somehow. She just wanted to kiss Mal, which would certainly be one way of messing things up. She wanted to lunge at her and give her the kind of kiss where teeth collide and you forget what an oxygen atom is. Through this kiss suddenly Mal would know everything, and Evie wouldn’t have to explain any of it at all. All of her scary, dark, ugly thoughts and memories and secrets would just be transferred briefly to her best friend’s mind until she understood, until she could see the full picture. And then the kiss would end as all incredible things must and Mal would leave Evie because of course she would leave Evie, because who in their right mind would stay with Evie when given the choice to leave. Or maybe she would stick around for a while and try and help because that’s the kind of overly sweet person Mal was deep down until she realized her efforts were in vain and Evie pushed her away one too many times and then finally she would disappear altogether. 

And it would hurt because Mal was and had always been by far the best thing in Evie’s miserable life, and wherever Mal went Jay and Carlos were sure to follow so she would lose them too, and it would be just like before. Before she ever met them, back when she felt like the smallest girl in the world all alone and cold and hungry in that big castle she called home, back when she didn’t understand what she did to deserve this. And yet Evie would be okay, or close enough to it, because she would forever have the taste of Mal on her tongue and remember the way that her plump bottom lip with the divot in the middle felt flush with her’s, and she was convinced that’s all she really needed. It would be worth it. She was running on borrowed time, Evie always knew it. From the first day she met Mal, all scraped knees and purple fly-aways and mesmerizing green eyes, everything Evie wasn’t, she knew it was too good to be true. Mal could never be her’s. Mal could never be anybody's. Evie was just lucky to have known her. 

Mal and Evie both looked up from the ground at the same time to meet one another’s eyes, immediately seeing that the browns and greeny-greys were both equally watery. Silently Mal nodded her head yes, not allowing Evie to break their eye contact. Evie didn’t mind, because she was just trying to memorize all the different specks and shades of green and grey and blue and the way they marbled with one another in a way never before found in nature, just in case this was the last time she ever got this close to her best friend.    
“Jay told me about last night.”    
Seeing the brief confusion on Evie’s face like she was trying to discern which part of last night she was referring to exactly, Mal swallowed hard and clarified.    
“The blood. He told me about the blood on your leg.”  
Mal’s voice was firm and steady, her face emotionless, but the grip on Evie’s hand tightened significantly as she watched the blue-haired girl pale. 

“Oh.”    
Evie pulled her bottom lip back into her mouth, and Mal had to sit on her unoccupied hand to keep from reaching up and pulling it back out, rubbing her finger over it to try an counteract the biting that was surely going to leave scabs Evie would fuss over in the mirror later.    
“Yeah, I fell.”   
Evie spoke while continuing to chew, so her words came out muffled and equally soft as before. Mal thought she even tried to muster up something that resembled an embarrassed smile but wasn’t sure because her eyes were so blurry with tears she couldn’t really see much. She pulled her hand away from Evie’s.    
“No you didn’t, E.”    
  
Evie immediately missed Mal’s fingers and her gentle brushing, her mind searching frantically for words that she could say that would give the hand back to her. She shivered and looked away from Mal, down at her empty hands. She was trapped. She was trapped and it was all her fault. Or it was her friend’s faults for caring, or her mother’s fault for making her the way she was. She didn’t know who’s fault it was, I guess, all she knew was that the world was literally crumbling around her and everything was about to change even though she didn’t want it to and there was nothing she could do. She didn’t belong here. She should have stayed on the Isle where it didn’t matter if she was tearing herself apart, or where she at least had someone else to blame for it all. Mommy wasn’t here in Auradon. Now it was all on her.    
  
“Please don’t lie to me.”   
_ Please.  _ Mal had said please. She sounded so exhausted, and Evie felt like a monster. It was a Sunday night, Mal was meant to be out having dinner with diplomats or cuddling with her boyfriend and a movie. She was meant to be studying for some test she would surely ace without trying or talking to Jay on the phone about how bullshit the ref was at his last Tourney match. She wasn’t meant to be here with Evie like this. This was never meant to happen. Mal didn’t understand. She wouldn’t understand. If she found out about the cutting then she would find out about the food and then she would find out about everything else and she would hate her.    
_ She will hate you. Jay and Carlos already hate you. Everyone else already hates you. She will hate you like I hate you. Like you hate yourself. Maybe she’ll hate you even more than that. Hate you. Hate you. Hate you. Hate you. Hate you.  _   
  
“E, breathe.”    
But she couldn’t, Evie couldn’t breathe. Suddenly Mal’s hand was back in her’s and another hand was on her shoulder and she was being shaken a little but not even that could make her open her eyes or breathe and she couldn’t understand any of what Mal was saying because Mommy’s voice was so loud in her head. As it kept screaming it started to sound less like her mother and more and more like herself she noticed. She couldn’t tell Mal things she couldn’t even tell Carlos, she couldn’t make her understand because not even she understood herself. 

She wanted to be a beautiful work of art and yet she tore gashes in her canvas. She wanted to be skinny because skinny meant pretty, all legs and collarbones and ribcages, but she knew it was frugal because she was never satisfied and was in constant pain. She had eye bags even though she used expensive creams and had bruises on her hip bones and shoulder blades because she was so fragile and she shook so often or grimaced from a headache and none of that was pretty. It was impossible. She couldn’t win. And yet she kept _ trying _ . She tried so  _ hard _ . Because what else was she supposed to do? Die?    
_ “I would rather my daughter die beautiful than live ugly. There’s no point in something like you living and taking up space if you can’t at least offer something, can’t at least look pleasing to the eye. So you will wipe away those pitiful tears, retouch your makeup, and then finish tying up that corset WITHOUT whining. Understood, Evelyn?” _ __   
_ “Yes, Mommy.” _ __   
_ “Good. And just think, maybe if you lost some more weight it wouldn’t be so tight on you, hm?”  _ __   
_ “Yes, Mommy.”  _ __   


“Evie calm down, please E I- just breathe. Don’t cry, oh please don’t- you’re making this so h-hard! I need to do this Evie!”    
Mal’s voice broke through and Evie gasped, opening her eyes and sucking in air greedily. Frantically she searched for Mal’s face in the darkness and Mal moved her hand from Evie’s shoulder to her cheek, cupping her face and holding it still so that her own runny face would be the first thing Evie saw once her eyes readjusted to the light.    
“I c-can’t right now. I-I’m not ready.”    
Evie’s chest was heaving so sporadically and her entire body shook so badly from more than just the cold, and her voice sounded segmented and croaky. She locked eyes with Mal even as she sobbed, while Mal’s tears were much more silent. She stared at her best friend in front of her, broken. Completely and utterly broken. Shattered. The magic was gone. How had she missed this? How had she missed this for years? 

She didn’t know what to do. Mal was supposed to know what to do, she always knew what to do. In this moment, what should she do??    
“I...we have to talk about it, Evie. We have to.”   
Evie shook her head and cried harder, grabbing Mal’s hand that was against her cheek. She pressed her own hand to the back of it, leaning into her touch and pressing her face against it harder. Her tears were surely falling onto Mal’s hand but she didn’t mind, just watching breathlessly as Evie seemingly curled up in her palm.    
“Not right n-now. Let me have tonight. Please, let’s just h-have tonight.”    
Mal didn’t understand the way Evie said this like this was their last chance like she was going to leave. She didn’t know that Evie had truly convinced herself she would in fact leave, that by morning time her best friend would be nothing more than a memory. 

This thought didn’t even cross Mal’s mind, because looking at those watery doe eyes, the ones that looked at her as if she were something worth looking at in a way no one else ever had, she truly couldn’t remember the name of another single person on this Earth. In this moment nothing else mattered but Evie. Maybe nothing else  _ ever _ mattered.   
“Just let me have until m-morning.”    
Evie pulled Mal’s hand across her cheek and nearer to her mouth, speaking into her skin almost. Her breath was so warm on her skin and smoke from her chattering teeth slipped out between her pink fingertips and even though this like most things was a bad idea how could she have possibly said no?    
“Okay.”   


Neither girl said anything for a long few minutes, Evie because she was still trying to catch her breath and stop from crying, and Mal because she truly didn’t know what to say. She was so numb and simultaneously so full of feeling it almost hurt. When Evie had started breathing at an almost normal rate and let go of the hand pressed to her cheek, wet with tears and runny makeup, Mal decided to finally pull herself together enough to speak.    
“Why don’t we go inside.”    
Mal moved to get up, but surprisingly Evie stopped her, shaking her head and grabbing Mal by the sleeve of her black sweater. She looked shy and embarrassed as she did this, almost like she’d done it without thinking, and Mal couldn’t help but think it was amazing how even like this she still managed to look beautiful. Maybe there was still a little magic left after all. 

“No wait, can we just stay out here for a little longer? I’m sorry, I know it’s cold, but…”   
Evie was clearly having trouble finishing her sentence, her eyebrows furrowed in frustration as her mind and mouth couldn’t agree on what sentence to settle on. Mal had noticed that at some point Evie had wiggled her way off of the blanket and was now sitting almost entirely on grass. Even though she thought it was scratchy and smelled, Mal picked up two corners of the picnic blanket nearest her and slipped the whole thing out from underneath her. She shivered for a minute at how cold and damp the grass felt against her jeans, before settling down and scooching closer to Evie. She wrapped the blanket around the blue-haired girl, draping one end over her shoulders and the other over her own so that they were sharing it. Evie, who’d been watching silently as she did this, settled into Mal’s side and finally found her words.    
“Can you just hold me?”    
Evie certainly didn’t have to ask twice. 

Mal wrapped both arms around her beneath the blanket and nuzzled into the top of her head, blue curls fanned out across her chest and lap. Evie wrapped her own arms around Mal’s waist, breathing in her sweater. It was such a different smell compared to that of her scarf, but she was too tired to think about it too much or try and distinguish the different notes. All she knew was that it made her heart beat a little softer and made her face feel a little warmer, which were both good. As Evie’s eyes started to grow heavy, Mal found that familiar light from earlier. It was still flickering at her from across the field, and as she returned to counting it’s intervals of on and off to calm herself as she ran fingers through Evie’s hair it almost felt like somehow things would be okay. They wouldn’t be easy but, somehow, they would be okay. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY A CHAPTER!! I'm sorry this took a while to get out, I literally had it started when I put up chapter 7 forever ago but it just ended up a lot longer than I expected and I wanted it to be good. (: Anyway, what did y'all think? Are you as heartbroken as me lol bc, yeah this one was rough. I feel so bad for both of them. Just kiss and somehow magically fix everything dammit! ): Anyway at least there was finally some Malvie content, next chapter is Malvie as wellll. How are things gonna go down? Comment your thoughts and predictions, they literally make me so so happy. Ily all, thanks again for the support, and I will see you in the next chapter! Hopefully it won't take me too long lol, but even if it takes a bit maybe this 9300+ word BEAST will keep you satisfied haha.   
> -Abbie 
> 
> P.S. working on a super secret collab book rn (:< coming to you soooooon mwahaha stay tuned !!  
> P.P.S descendants 3 was fucking incredible don't touch me


	9. Feels Like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took long, literally what's new, but also it's long as shit so- almost makes it worth it ahaha. Shoutout to my guy Diz, she's a crackhead and rlly kept my moral UP on ft writing this. Also I'm so sorry if this kinda sUcks ahaha I didn't proofread this nearly enough. :T I love y'all tho!! xx Enjoy!  
> ALSO IMPORTANT: lines in this chapter mean different things, at first it represents a flashback/dream sequence, and then a passage in time later on in the chapter, hope there was no confusion lol.

* * *

_I will not disobey Mommy. I will not disobey Mommy. I will not disobey Mommy. I will not disobey M- SNAP!_ _  
_Evie jumped as the tip of her pencil, tightly gripped in her right fist, broke against the paper. The percussive sound seemingly woke her from the trance she’d been placed in, and her breath caught in her throat as she blinked down at her desk. She looked back and forth between the lined pages stacked messily in front of her, the phrase she'd been instructed to write and that she could have written in her sleep scribbled dozens of times upon them, and the broken pencil in her shaky hand. Her knuckles were white. She had been spacing out and lost count of exactly how many times she’d rewritten the sentence, but she knew it wasn’t the 100 times Mommy had requested. Evie knew she never usually neared that goal until around page ten and she was only half done with the back of page seven. She quickly realized after examining the leadless end of her writing utensil that she needed another pencil. Of course they didn’t have another pencil though, pencils weren’t exactly a commonly needed thing on the Isle and besides, when other than right now was Evie ever really writing. Studying the remaining blank pages she started to panic. Mommy had been so nice already to only give her this punishment. They both knew she deserved worse for accidentally ripping her new tights at the knee, yet she’d only given her this one simple task as payback, and now Evie had messed it up like she always seemingly managed to. Now she was going to get it so much worse. 

“Evelyn?”  
Evie jumped and dropped her broken pencil, watching it roll across the desktop over her pages and away from her before slowly and hesitantly turning around in her chair to see Mommy. She was standing in her arched doorway, her face stoic and her arms crossed. A lump formed in Evie’s throat. She was supposed to meet up with Jay, Mal and Carlos at the hideout tonight. It was Monday, they always met up on Mondays. She had a feeling that wasn’t going to happen this particular Monday.   
“Are you done yet?”   
Grimhilde hardly even waited for a response, as she saw from over Evie’s shoulder as soon as she finished her question that the girl clearly was in fact _not_ done. She smiled and laughed hallowly, shaking her head in disapproval even though her smirk said she was happy with the outcome. Sometimes Evie swore her mother got a kick out of making her suffer.   
  
“I know you’re an idiot Evelyn, but you aren’t illiterate, are you?”   
Evie didn’t respond, and after a beat her mother’s smile faltered. She moved away from the doorway and towards Evie at her sewing table, who tried not to flinch as her mother grabbed her by the chin and spoke loudly in her face.   
“ANSWER when you are ASKED a question!”   
“Y-yes! I mean, n-no!?”   
Grimhilde scowled down at her and Evie skewed her eyes shut tight and bit her lip hard, she hated this game. Like so many of her mother’s games there was simply no winning. Sometimes Evie would respond harmlessly when she thought she was meant to but get punished harshly for it, and other times a response was expected of her during a conversation in which it was impossible for her to distinguish which instance was which. And even when she did answer at the right times, there was no way of knowing what answer Mommy was trying to drag out of her, so oftentimes she answered wrong and that would warrant a punishment too. Most of the time she found the safest thing to do was simply remain silent, and so more often than not she elected not to speak much at all even if naturally she was quite a prater.

Evie whimpered as her mother huffed and twisted a strand of her blue hair in her clenched hand, yanking her up from her chair in one swift motion. Her mother didn’t even blink as she turned and all but dragged Evie by a thick clump of curly blue hair out of her bedroom and down the hall. Evie bit her lip to keep from crying, but when she craned her neck to look around the dark, shadowy and ironically unfamiliar halls of her castle and realized where Mommy was taking her, she let a cry escape from between her painted lips.   
“NO, no Mommy wait, please! Please don’t make me go in there! I’ll be g-good! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to rip the tights- and the pencil was an a-accident too-!”   
Grimhilde tightened her grip around Evie’s hair, cutting her off. She wrapped the blue locks around her bony wrist as you would with a dog’s leash, making Evie whimper in disdain.   
“That’s all you EVER seem to make, isn’t it sweetie!? _Mistakes_ and _accidents_ . Frankly Evie, this pattern of idiocy will _never_ land you a prince. I’m doing this for your own good. You need to LEARN, there is no room for error. You need to be _perfect_ .”   
Evie finally burst out into tears right as they reached the creaking wooden door. The door at the end of the long hall was similar to several in their big empty castle, but this one in particular never failed to make Evie shiver. She knew this one well. 

Her mother’s grip on her hair tightened yet again and she pulled Evie close to her face, making sure her booming voice bellowed off of her and down the candlelit hall.   
“STOP YOUR WRETCHED CRYING!”   
But Evie couldn’t because she was only thirteen and she was so confused and scared and she felt broken, like something was seriously wrong with her. Why couldn’t she just be good, be _right_ . She didn’t want all the same things Mommy wanted. Why didn’t she want a prince, she wanted a girl- and not just any girl but her best friend. She wanted the daughter of Maleficent, a girl maybe as far from being refined royalty as you could get. Why couldn’t she just do things correctly, just be perfect for Mommy? How hard could that be? She tried so hard and it still wasn’t enough. Mal had said to her just yesterday that she didn’t need to be perfect for anyone, not for a prince or her mother or _anyone_ . She had kissed her sweetly and held her close to her chest as if she were something worth holding onto in a way no one ever had, and she promised Evie that she was _enough_. She said Evie was fine just the way she was. But she didn’t feel fine, Evie had never felt quite fine. And yet she was almost tempted to believe her, wrapped up in those leather clad arms, with purple hair stuck to her tear-stained cheeks, Evie had felt closer to fine than she ever had before. So she almost bought what she said, and felt a little lighter when Mal assured her she was enough. The hazy princess was pretty certain that Mal could’ve told her anything and she’d smile like an idiot and at least half believe her. 

Evie groaned as her mother let go of the vice like grip she had on her hair and pushed her into the darkened room, clattering to the dusty floor. She coughed, accidentally breathing in the cobwebs enveloping her on the floor as she hurriedly pushed up on her hands and knees to escape the dust. The small room was hardly more than a closet and they didn’t use it very often, it was a stark contrast to the other large rooms making up her castle and made Evie feel almost claustrophobic even with the high ceiling. She sat back on her heels and wrapped her hands around her own body as her mother leaned over her and reached up on her tiptoes to turn on the swinging lightbulb dangling over their heads, dimly lighting the room. It was a coffin, box-like room lined with _mirrors_ , dozens if not hundreds of them. Every square-inch of the four walls surrounding her from floor to ceiling were covered with numerous reflective surfaces. No matter where she panickedly looked, Evie’s eyes had no choice but to land on her own distressed and disheveled reflection. Immediately her heart started to race, unable to escape her face, her body, all of it. It was staring back at her a 100 times over, the visual lingering even when she closed her eyes. Her mother had lots of silly names for most of the rooms in their oversized castle, I suppose to make her feel like they were real royals when Evie knew in the back of her head they weren’t. They had a parlor room for lounging, a sitting room to practice teatime, a bay room where they pretended the view of the ocean was pretty. This room her Mommy fondly called the _pretty girl room._

“Take off your dress. Stand up straight, shoulders back.”   
Evie did as she was told with little hesitation like always, rising from the floor heavily. She slipped the navy day dress she was wearing off over her head, scanning her body now clad only in matching baby blue undergarments in the mirror in front of her instinctually. She grimaced at her face mostly, it looked awful. Her makeup was totally ruined from having cried, and her hair was a mess, the curls she already despised all crumpled from having been clenched and tugged at. She stopped fussing over her hair quickly when she saw her mother in the mirror shoot a glare from the doorway behind her, stopping her fidgeting and dropping her hands to her sides instantaneously.   
“You’ll stay standing here until I come fetch you. Stare at yourself.”   
Grimhilde smiled sickly as Evie opened her mouth to protest, pricks and chills running up her spine at the prospect of being in this tiny mildewy room for possible hours, a million equally hideous versions of herself and all her magnified flaws staring back at her mockingly. Grimhilde always forgot to come and get her for so long every time they did this, sometimes Evie was in here for hours, sometimes she was in here for days.   
“Mommy-”   
“This is for your own good, sweetness. Now hush, _reflections_ don’t speak.”

Her mother closed the door and suddenly Evie was alone, alone with a dozen versions of herself, anyway. The room was so dark even with the swaying lightbulb above her that she had a hard time distinguishing herself in every mirror or reflective silver platter along the walls. Some of them were warped and made her jump, in general she had a hard time connecting each individual girl in every mirror as being the same one. It felt more so like just a couple dozen floating eyes watching her every move. Once Evie’s eyes has adjusted a little more to the darkness she studied her body in the near darkness, hating the way the shadows tricked her eyes and made her look huge. She shuffled her feet nervously, the same jittery feeling filling her hands and feet that always did when she was pressed up against a mirror. The shadows seemed to perfectly highlight all the little things she hated most, like the way she couldn’t count all of her ribs correctly because the bottom-most ones were still too hidden by _fat_ , or the way she practically had a double chin if she looked down too far. Evie had lots of mirrors in her own room, sure, but they were spread out and unless instructed to she usually tried to avoid looking into them. This was because if not she knew she would become obsessed with and consumed by them, just like her mother had. And if there was one thing Evie didn’t want to be like, it was her mother.

After a few minutes Evie peeled her eyes away from her body, practically forcing herself to stop pinching at the extra fat on her upper arms or the backs of her calves, and faced straight ahead until her attention was on her face again. There was makeup everywhere still. God, her pours were huge. Her eyes were the ugliest shit brown color she had ever seen. Her widow’s peak was crooked and kissed her wrinkled forehead incorrectly. Her mouth was huge, her teeth buck like a rabbit’s. The dimple in her chin was gaping, and her jawline was too angular and masculine. Literally nothing about the girl was delicate or petite or feminine, she thought. The sheer amount of self hatred Evie had for her own facial features drove her insane. She was delusional, of course, any other sane person could have told her that. Even at 13 the young princess was simply breathtaking, puberty having swept her up perfectly and somehow skipped the awkward middle phase between cute little girl and pretty adolescent. Her features weren’t just _nice_ , no they were strikingly beautiful. Her eyes were pure amber, dazzling yellow gemstones fossilized with time that sparkled when she smiled. She looked man made almost, her nose, lips and cupid's bow all grazing and kissing one another just right. Her bone structure was unreplicatable- all straight lines and high cheekbones and sharp curvetures. She was almost entirely symmetrical. The makeup she meticulously applied to her face each morning, though she wasn’t in need of any, truly only accentuated her best features. On the Isle she was truly one of the only sights worthy of beholding, it was just a shame she herself would never see it. 

Evie hadn’t realized she’d leaned so close the the mirror until her bated breath began to fog up the glass, and she watched as the condensation made her reflection briefly disappear from view. She enjoyed the short moment of solitude the eyes on her permeating only from her peripherals, but after a moment the fog disappeared again of course. Evie watched fascinatedly as instead of her own face staring back at hers though, it was magically _Mal’s_ that appeared. She didn’t even realize right away that it was her best friend, not until the green eyes met hers and then she jumped so far she stumbled backwards and slammed into the opposite wall of glass mirrors. Her face skewed in confusion as it dawned on her that no matter where she looked it was Mal in the mirror, watching her with a bemused expression. Evie couldn’t breathe and pinched her collarbones instinctually, half because she was rid with anxiety but also to try and wake herself up if this were a dream.   
“M-Mal?”   
This was wrong, this isn’t how the memory went. Was this no longer a- what was the word Mal used. A flashback? Was this a dream now? Evie didn’t even know at what point during this entire ordeal she’d started to realize this was a flashback and not real life, usually she couldn’t tell it was a flashback until the sound of Mal’s soft voice popped her little bubble of suffering and she resurfaced gasping for air in her best friend’s arms. Evie wrapped her arms around her stomach instinctually, half to protect herself and half to shield herself from view because she was naked in front of her best friend and unable to stop thinking about how her body might’ve looked to her even if now certainly wasn’t the time to worry about such trivial things. Plus, it wasn’t like Mal had never been naked with her before, she certainly had, but right now she felt dizzy and confused and vulnerable and insane. Was this _real_ ? No it wasn’t, how could this be real? But it _felt_ real like only her flashbacks ever did, not like a dream did, and if this was a dream then-   
“God, you look pathetic.” 

Mal’s voice snapped Evie back to the present moment, if present is what you could even call an odd lucid dream-flashback hybrid. Her fluttery eyebrows furrowed and her grip on her sides tightened, staring over at the versions of Mal reflecting back at her. She looked like Mal, she sounded like Mal, but she didn’t feel like Mal. She felt _scary_ , which was an adjective Evie, who had dozens of impossibly scary things in her life, would rarely ever have used to describe her dearest friend and possible crush. She wanted to curl up in a little ball just then, literally collapse on herself as the wind was knocked out of her and standing suddenly felt far too strenuous to be maintained. But Mommy had instructed her to stay upright, so even though her knees shook wildly she straightened her posture and stayed upright, leaning slightly against the back wall for support.   
“W-what?”   
Mal didn’t say anything for a minute, but the corners of her lips twitched as if she were contemplating a smile.   
“Look at you. You look like a fucking wreck, E.”   
One of the mirrors beside Mal in the centre of the big wall Evie was facing flickered with her own reflection so that she could do as Mal said and take in her own wretched appearance once again. Her eyes blurred with tears and she forced herself to look away and down at her own feet as Mal spoke, her voice echoing off of the walls around her even as she seemingly whispered down the back of her neck. She somehow felt nowhere and everywhere all at the same time.   
“You’re a monster. A big, ugly, disgusting monster.”   
Evie felt something in her chest shudder and then shake and then shatter as the words left her beautiful best friend’s lips so easily and rang true. She looked up from the ground to meet Mal’s eyes, her own brown eyes so filled with tears that she could make out little more than those illuminating green catchlights that adorned her friend’s face and always had a way of finding her when she was alone in a crowded room. Evie laughed hollowly, searching Mal’s face for some indication that she was joking even though she knew in her heart she was deadly serious.   
“Ha...you s-sound like my mom, M.”

Mal chuckled, but not in the same way Evie had laughed. She sounded malicious.   
“Well maybe she has a point, then.”   
When Evie glanced over at her reflection again, a single fat teardrop streaming down each of her cheeks and improving her blurry vision drastically, she gasped seeing that the makeup always covering the cuts on her hip was gone. The wretched self-injury was on full display. Not only that, but they were different and exaggerated, the little self-inflicted nicks morphing into giant gashes that encased her entire leg, huge claw marks and gouges. Blood was pooling at her feet and she thought she was going to be sick, looking between the mirror and then back down at her own body where there was no such gory scene. It was some kind of cruel trick, but that didn’t stop Evie from feeling bile churn at the back of her throat as she watched the reflection staring back at her waste away to practically nothing more than a pile of mauled flesh and bone. She looked as if she’d been attacked by a monster. The monster named Evie.   
“Do you think I’m going to forgive you? Do you think I’m going to _stay_ ?”   
Evie started sobbing hard and suddenly at Mal’s words, realizing that her makeup was beyond the point of salvaging anyway and Mommy wasn’t here to see, so she might as well just let herself break like she did each night in her bed when she was too tired to fight off the tears. 

“I _hate_ you, Evie. Everyone _hates_ you.”   
_Mal hates me, she hates me. I knew she would. She’s going to leave. She’s going to leave me all alone and I’m going to lose her and it’s all my fault. She can’t stand me._   
_“We hate you.”_

* * *

Evie woke from her death-like sleep gasping for air, almost feeling like she’d just resurfaced from 500 feet below water. She tried glancing around her to ground herself as she always did after waking from a bad dream, but she couldn’t see the safe dorm room with its frilly curtains Mal detested and Auradon school spirit paraphernalia surrounding her. She started to panic, shaking frantically. This wasn’t her room and she wasn’t in her bed. All around her it was just cold darkness, and she realized she was outside. Why would she be outside? Was she on the _Isle_ ? How had she gotten on the Isle? Evie hurriedly attempted to move her legs and get up, her flight or fight response kicking in from years of growing up on an island that instilled this familiar panicky feeling in her nearly everyday, but quickly she discovered that her legs were stiff from the frigid air and she couldn’t really move them. Her head swam, and when she blinked visions from her nightmare danced across her eyes. She was worried she was going to pass out as a sob tore through the air, and she guessed from the way it easily left her throat she’d been crying long before waking up from her dream. A _dream_ , is that what that was? Just her mind playing yet another cruel trick, and combining a flashback with her own worst fears given that day’s horrific events? It had felt so _real_ . Perhaps that was because it _was_ real in a lot of ways, wasn’t it? Because after all, Mal _did_ hate her, or she would in the morning anyway, and-   
“Evie, hey E over here. Please E look at me, it’s just me. It’s just Mal.”   
It was Mal’s voice, Mal was here. Mal was here? Even given the nature of her dream, Evie found that this thought calmed her down a significant amount immediately. Mal meant safety, Mal was and always had been Evie’s safety. 

She was still in a panic but at least she wasn’t alone, and Mal wasn’t gone just yet. That’s all that really mattered. Evie felt a tentative hand grab her wrist, pulling her hand to their warm lap. This contact grounded her enough to search in the dark until she could find Mal’s face just as her disembodied voice had requested of her. Evie quickly found her now that she knew she was nearby, Mal was sitting up right beside her on her heels, her white face pale against the darkness around them. She looked scared and Evie hated it, Evie hated that she was doing this to her but she didn’t know how she could stop now, how she could go back in time and fix herself before she even needed fixing. Mal had her and Ben’s quilted blanket slung over her shoulders and Evie recalled being covered by it before falling asleep, but it must have slipped off of her during the night at some point. I suppose that was probably most of the reason why she was so terribly freezing now.   
“W-where a-are-?”   
Evie tried to speak but her words were stuttery and segmented because she couldn’t breathe, and the minute she opened her mouth to do so her heart started pounding hard again and so Mal gave her hand a firm squeeze and quickly shushed her. Seeing that Evie didn’t mind her hand being held and rubbed gently by her thumb just as she had earlier, Mal moved in to wrap Evie up with both the blanket and a hug. Mal always waited before hugging or touching Evie after she woke up from a nightmare or came back from a flashback, since she never knew what the nature of it was and sometimes the contact scared her and made it worse. Tonight though Evie welcomed the embrace happily, melting into the front of her quickly. She buried her face into Mal’s chest as she recalled doing multiple times that day it felt like, and Mal could feel she was squeezing around her waist with shaking arms so tightly that she worried Evie might never let go. Maybe worried isn’t the right word, in fact it was something Mal nearly hoped for but simply couldn’t admit.  
  
“Shhh you’re okay E, you’re safe. You were just having a bad dream. We’re outside still, remember? We were having our picnic?”   
Mal waited for Evie to respond, only continuing once Evie nodded solemnly against her sweater. She wanted to make sure she was hearing and taking in her words, focusing on her voice and not the rapid, fluttery beating of the heart in her chest pressed firmly against Evie’s temple.   
“You and I both just fell asleep is all. This isn’t the Isle okay, or anywhere scary. You can breathe Evie. We’re just in Auradon, okay? You’re safe. I’ve got you, we’re safe.”   
_I’ve got you._ _  
_Mal knew what to say, Mal always knew just what to say. As careful fingers ran through her hair the same way they painted colorful strokes on a canvas, Evie recited Mal’s words in her head, willing herself to believe them. Mal had her. Right now Mal had her. It didn’t matter what tomorrow brought, right now Mal had her and that was enough. She had asked for tonight, and she intended to savor it. Evie closed her eyes and tried to memorize the way mal’s fingerprints felt against her scalp, the way she pinched the wispy curly tendrils of hair at the nape of her neck with her thumb and forefinger and twisted them, the way her breath felt now against the top of her head. She wanted to lean up and kiss her, just keep her eyes closed and not even bother to think before closing the painstaking space between them that there always seemed to be. 

They had kissed before, they had kissed dozens of times back on the Isle, but none of them had meant anything. Evie hadn’t thought to dedicate to memory the way Mal’s bottom lip felt when she rolled it between her teeth, or the way her little button nose felt flesh with hers, and how her lips tasted when her name was painted across them in hot breath. Perhaps it was because selfishly at the time Evie had never thought it something she’d need to memorize, she never thought kissing Mal would become merely a memory. If she kissed her now she wondered if it would feel different, if she would be able to taste the new found desperation and passion and _love_ . She had loved her back then too but she never could admit it to herself. Now Evie was done pretending. If every other secret of her’s was going to be aired out like dirty laundry, there was no sense taking this one to the grave too. She was pathetically and entirely in love with Mal. It was undeniable. She had loved her before they even met, and she would love her long after she left. But maybe if Evie was lucky, Mal would be generous to leave her a parting gift. Just one last kiss for old time’s sake. The start and the end all in one.

“You’re way too cold E, we’ve gotta go inside. You wanna head inside?”   
Evie pulled her face away from Mal’s chest, grimacing at the way she’d left it wet with tears and snot. Her eyes had never hurt more than they did right now, all stung and puffy from 48 hours of constant tears. She remembered how she’d looked in the mirror from her flashback, and wondered if that’s how she looked now. If Mommy saw her now, what would she say?   
“Y-yeah. Okay. Let’s go inside.”   
Evie unwrapped herself from around Mal’s waist and moved to get up but the purple-haired fae stopped her by standing up quickly and then wrapping her own arms around Evie. She hooked one arm under her knees and then the second around her back, picking her up easily bridal style. Evie wasn’t really sure why Mal did this, it was slightly uncharacteristic, but then again, much stranger things had happened that day and so Evie wasn’t about to protest. She tried not to think about how heavy Mal was probably thinking she was, or how big she felt in her arms. Maybe Mal really could read her mind, and she somehow knew that Evie’s legs felt like jelly at the moment and she worried if she tried standing the blood would rush to her head and she’d pass out. She didn’t consider that maybe Mal just wanted to hold her.   
“Is this okay?”   
Evie nodded perhaps _too_ eagerly, looking up at Mal as she slung both the untouched picnic basket and blanket over her right shoulder. Evie thought it nice as she pondered what meal Mal had prepared sat untouched inside the basket that, at the very least, she hadn’t been made to eat tonight on top of everything else. That would’ve just been the straw to break the camel’s back. 

As Mal started walking away from the deserted and long since dark tourney field towards the looming dormitories beside Auradon Prep, Evie looked up at and studied her face dreamily. She could have kissed her right then, she thought, only needing to reach forward just a few inches. She decided against it though, seeing the focused and tense expression on Mal’s face. She looked so tired and Evie felt like shit. She finally let herself think about tomorrow morning, about the inevitable conversations and questions. Mal wouldn’t let this go- letting anything go wasn’t in Mal’s nature, and it would be useless to lie. The blue witch didn’t really have many options, did she? She couldn’t fix this mess she’d created, so she was going to have to face it. She was going to have to be honest. And she wasn’t ready, because this was never meant to happen so how could she ever be _ready_ , but seeing her best friend the way she was now she knew she couldn’t keep fighting this. Mal was exhausted. Now that she was inquiring Evie wasn’t going to make her fight for the truth too. She was afraid of losing Mal, but really? Her scaly best friend in shining armor was already gone. She had been for a while. 

“Was it your mom?”  
The sound of Mal’s voice brought Evie back, who realized she’d been staring up at her friend and drifting in and out of sleep for the entirety of their walk home. They were nearing their building now, and her face felt hot as she turned her face away and closed her eyes. She hummed in response to Mal sleepily.   
“Hmm?”   
“Your nightmare, was it your mom again?”   
Evie hesitated only a second before nodding her head yes, even though it wasn’t true. For once it hadn’t been her mother plaguing her sleep, it had been something far, far worse. 

* * *

“What are you doing here?”  
“Well you won’t answer any of my texts, Mal. And this is the one place I knew I could find you to talk.”  
“I don’t _want_ to talk to you.”  
“Mal, stop. You’re being a child.”  
“ME? A child?”  
“Yes! We _need_ to talk about this, you can’t just avoid your problems.”   
“YOU are the one who kicked me out that night when I WANTED to talk about it, so you could have your little hissy-!”  
“ _DON’T_ do that. Don’t try and turn this on me and pin the blame elsewhere. _YOU_ messed up.”  
“Yeah, don’t you think I know that?!”  
“Then stop making it worse and IGNORING ME!”   
  
Evie stirred in bed, at first flinching away from the angry hushed voices that had woken her up in the first place and burying her face deeper into the soft comforter that enveloped her. Slowly she realized however that the voices she had heard were that of an angry Mal and snarling Ben. Then a different, more uncomfortable and nervous feeling replaced the fear in the pit of her stomach, and she was tempted to sit up in bed and pull the blankets away from her face just to see the two bicker. Instead she decided it best to just play like she was still sleeping, Mal hated working out relationship things in front of her, or anyone for that matter. _Relationship_ things. Her stomach twisted. What could they be fighting about this time?  
“ _Shut. Up._ Evie is trying to sleep, and she has a lot going on right now, okay? So excuse me for being _busy_.”  
Mal hissed her words harshly from where she was taking a stance in their doorway Evie presumed, her voice barely above a whisper but thick with deadly, threatening intention. Evie felt both flattered and guilty all at once for having been brought up. It felt sweet that Mal cared so much about letting her rest, but she hoped this whole thing wasn’t somehow her fault.   
“Don’t you dare make this about her. Do you know what _I_ have been going through?? Do you _CARE_?”  
If she hadn’t been before, Evie was now wide awake. This was definitely somehow her fault. Not just because Evie liked to take the blame for everything and somehow twist events to make herself the villain, but because Ben sounded so positively offended at the mention of her name that there _had_ to be something more going on.   
  
“I- Ya know what, I can’t _DO_ this this morning, okay Ben!? You can’t just show up at my dorm at five in the morning before classes start and try and spring a conversation like this on me! That’s not how this works! I was waiting to respond to your texts until I was READY-”  
“Well what if I’m tired of waiting, Mal!!? I’m sick and tired of sitting around and waiting!”  
“THEN STOP! STOP WAITING!....Maybe you should just _stop_ , Ben.”   
Mal’s sudden transition from whispering to a booming shout made Evie jump, and the ball she was already tightly curled into only tightened. Her chest was hammering at the implications that sentence held, half with fear because she so badly wanted her best friend to just be happy and half because she was selfish and wanted her best friend to only be happy with her.  
“What are you trying to-”w  
“I want to b- I think we need to take a break, Ben. I need a break.”   
There was a long pause before anyone spoke and Evie held her breath.

The layers of blankets covering her mouth and nose were starting to feel slightly suffocating.   
“....Mal. I came here to make up with you. I came here to tell you I forgive you, that I-”   
“And I’M telling you I need a break.”   
Ben scoffed. Evie could picture the scene perfectly in her head, him shaking his head and trying to take a few steps closer from the hallway. Mal would close the ajar door to their room even closer to her chest, leaving it only cracked to communicate to him that he wasn’t welcome in, that she didn’t want to touch him or talk to him really. There were probably tears in his eyes, in fact maybe he was even crying, Ben had always been a bit of a cryer. Mal not so much, her face would be straight and stony, her eyes glazed over and burning green, her lips slightly puckered, but her tight grip on the door jam would give away her tenseness.   
“I told you I don’t want to wait.”   
“And I told you don’t, then.”   
“So you’re breaking up with me then, is that what this is? Because if you are then just SAY it, Mal. Just say you’re breaking up with me and get it over with, because I’m so _tired_ of playing games.” 

Another long pause. Evie wondered if she were dreaming, as awful as that sounds. She pinched the delicate web of skin between her thumb and forefinger, waiting to see if she’d wake up and then feel awful for having dreamt something so cruel. When she reopened her eyes though all she saw was the red rosy pattern of her winter comforter flesh against her eyelids. This was really happening?  
“I- I don’t know, okay? I’m not _playing games_ Ben don’t SAY that, I just need some time to think. I need time to figure stuff out...”   
Mal was starting to sound flustered, and frustrated and Evie wanted to push the blankets off of her and wander over to the doorway where M was, helping her speak the words she could tell her best friend was feeling but was just so painfully bad at expressing. She wanted to hold her hands to keep them from roaming through and tugging at her purple hair as they so often did when she was worked up. She hadn’t even known the two of them were in a fight, Mal almost always came to her with stuff like that. But then again, maybe the subject matter of their conversation last night had overshadowed all that just a little bit. Evie wished it hadn’t, she never thought there would come a time where she was eager almost to discuss the girl she was painfully in love with’s relationship and play mediator as always, but here they were. Anything to avoid the inevitable conversation that was to come as soon as Mal caught onto the fact that Evie was very much awake.   
  
“Do you love me?”   
Ben’s question took Evie by surprise, as it did Mal apparently who didn’t speak for a minute. When she did she sounded caught off guard, and like tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes the way they so seldomly did. Or, seldomly _used_ to, Evie supposed. There had been an awful lot of tears last night, and she suspected there were more to be shed today.   
“...Ben, what?”   
“Do you LOVE me?”   
“Ben, where did that come from?? Why are you- you _know_ I love you.”   
“Do I?”  
  
Evie knew Mal and Ben had been saying I love you to one another ever since Cotillion, when she could finally admit to him that new and foreign feeling. She never brought up the fact that Mal had been saying ‘I love you’ to her since their first kiss at 14, telling herself it was probably just circumstantial. Maybe when you’re really in love, it’s harder to admit. But then again, Evie was certain she was _really_ in love with Mal, and it wasn’t that way for her, it was never difficult. Those three words all but tumbled out of her mouth everytime she so much as thought about those big green eyes. Maybe Mal didn’t know she meant them in the way she did, but Evie always said them with earnest. For Mal it must have just been different though, it couldn’t have been the same. Because Mal didn’t like Evie- well she loved her but not like that, never like that, that much she’d made fairly clear when she went after a boy with dazzling blue eyes that put her dull brown ones to shame and collard suits that rivaled even her best tailoring. If Mal had loved Evie then she wouldn’t be crying in a door jamb and Evie wouldn’t be holding her breath under 3 layers of blankets alone in bed, surely.   
“Ben- I love you.”   
Evie’s breath caught in her throat and she had to cough suddenly, she had to make herself an airway somewhere in the thick blanket because hearing Mal say that she truly couldn’t breathe, hearing the way it sounded so differently when she was talking to _him_. She didn’t care if it was obvious that she wasn’t asleep now, as she formed a small part in her blankets for her mouth and nose and greedily sucked in the cool morning air compared to the warm air trapped against the mattress with her. Evie wished halfheartedly she’d just managed to stay asleep.

“Do you love _her_?”   
“I love _both_ of you, Ben. What is this?”   
“But do you love me like you love her.”   
_What?_   
“What?”   
Evie, genuinely starstruck, couldn’t possibly have realized that the question paralleled the exact one Jay had asked Mal the night before. This mere coincidence rendered the faery speechless with conflict and guilt, and she glanced down at her bare feet in silence. Mal knew the answer to Ben’s question, of course she did, she’d admitted it just twelve hours prior as she sobbed on the floor with her left hand man, after all. But now, the answer felt impossibly far from her reach and she couldn’t manage to answer. After opening and closing her mouth several times but producing no response, Ben got his answer loud and clear and laughed hallowly, and his voice became much harder to hear as Evie guessed he turned his back to Mal or moved further away from her down the hall.   
“God just forget it, Mal. I hope you figure shit out.”   
Evie was trying to stay focused on their conversation still but her head was swimming, her thoughts racing endlessly. What did that mean, what did Ben’s question mean? I mean, Mal didn’t love Evie like she loved Ben, right? But he seemed mad about this. Did he think- but why would he think that? Because she didn’t, Evie could have very easily assured Ben that Mal didn’t.   
  
“Ben wait I- I’m sorry.”   
Mal had lost her cool, the stoic expression on her face surely gone as her voice sounded tiny and laced with regret. Evie felt awful, like possibly the absolute worst person to ever have existed. This was all some big misunderstanding and it was her fault. She was half sleepy still and confused, but she knew for certain that whatever this was, it was her fault.   
“...Yeah. Me too, Mal.”   
And then it was quiet. Ben left, Evie figured. And Mal stood in the doorway for what must’ve been a few minutes before eventually closing the door to their dorm room softly, and Evie swore she could hear her best friend sniffling but wasn’t sure because they’d all gotten pretty great at crying subtly from years on the Isle. Just the thought of her possibly crying though was enough for Evie to drop the act, if you could even call it that since she was pretty certain Mal was acutely aware she was already up. She just had a way of sensing those sorts of things. When Evie sat up on her elbows and finally let the covers fall from her hot face, squinting at the early morning sun streaming into their room through those frilly windows, she saw that Mal was sitting at the end of her own bed beside hers. Her chin was in the palm of her hand, and while there weren’t tears streaming down her cheeks, she was visibly upset. Evie’s heart sank, and she searched for something, _anything_ to say.   
“We need to talk about you.”   
Mal beat her to it.   
“I don’t wanna talk about me.”   
  
Mal laughed as she rose, but it was a small, sad laugh, and Evie watched her carefully as she made her way over to Evie’s bed.   
“When do you _ever_ want to talk about you.”   
Mal slipped easily beneath the covers as she spoke and laid in the perfectly Mal-sized divot beside Evie on the blue queen size mattress. It dawned on Evie then that Mal must’ve slept in bed with her last night, which she hadn’t realized before given that she’d fallen asleep in Mal’s arms before they even made it home. Chills ran up her arms and back. Now was definitely an inopportune time to blush but even when she didn’t want to think about Mal, she apparently couldn’t help it, and merely bit her lip as Mal snuggled up beside her so that their faces were only a few inches apart. Evie had to wiggle and scooch down a little so that they were even with one another though, given the moderate height difference. Mal’s words took her by surprise slightly, since she usually thought of herself as kind of disgustingly selfish and vain courtesy of her upbringing. When she actually thought about it though, Evie supposed it wasn’t too often she truly did enjoy talking about herself. I mean, most people don’t go on about things they hate.   
“We don’t have to talk about me, not yet at least. I’d rather talk about you. About us.”   
Mal’s eyes met Evie’s, her eyebrows furrowed. Evie really liked Mal’s eyebrows. They weren’t purple like the rest of her hair naturally was, but they did have a purple tint to them, and the dark blonde or light brown hairs glinted violet when in the right light. Right now, along with her lush eyelashes that were bathed in sunlight from the window behind Evie’s head, they were glinting just right and looked so pretty against her fair skin, like a purple kaleidoscope contrasting her greeny-grey cool toned eyes perfectly. Evie wondered if her own dark eyebrows and eyelashes had any traces of her indigo head of hair but figured no one had probably ever studied her face closely enough to notice such a thing except maybe Mommy, who wasn’t the least bit concerned with things like the way hairs changed colors in the right room.   
  
“...Us?”   
Hearing Mal say that word, just two letters and one syllable, watching the way her lips parted and formed it effortlessly, it took the wind out of Evie. She was trying so hard not to cry. Mal looked so beautiful right now, she didn’t want to cry and ruin the moment, she wanted to just be thankful and enjoy it, but her mind couldn’t help but jump ahead and think about how the moment would soon enough end as it always had a rather cruel way of doing. Her voice was an awfully soft and raspy whisper when she spoke, her hand carefully searching under the blanket for Mal’s.   
“Was your fight with Ben about me?”   
Mal’s hand found Evie’s and it felt like home. Mal lowered her volume to match Evie’s, her eyes not leaving her’s. Mal wished Evie could know the way she got lost in those golden honeypots of brown and gold and amber, that she found them more magical and overwhelmingly distracting than her flashing green ones could ever hope of being.   
“Why would you think that?”   
“Well, I seem to be causing all kinds of fights lately.”   
Evie snickered to try and lighten the mood but there was no humor to be found in the situation, and Mal sighed discontentedly. Evie wanted to make her smile, make her laugh. She wanted to press her lips to Mal’s cheek and whisper “forget it” into her skin until Mal dropped this whole thing, everything. Things with Ben, things with Evie. She wanted her best friend to just strip away all the layers of casted stress and anxiety that had somehow molded themselves to her skin, cracking out of the clay and emerging with her big powerful dragon wings that could carry her away and far from here, far from this entire mess. She could fly far away from the Isle, from Auradon, somewhere entirely new. Somewhere no one had ever been before. She could bring Jay and Carlos with her if she wanted, scoop them up in her claws and bring them somewhere where she could make a new princess for herself who didn’t grey everyone’s skin and make entire cities crumble when she was upset.   
  
“...I said your name accidentally. I said it while me and Ben were...like, while we were in bed together.”   
“Oh.”   
Evie didn’t know what she’d been expecting the fight to be about, but that certainly hadn’t been it. Her grip on Mal’s hand tightened significantly, and she finally looked away from her molten gaze to stare breathlessly at something else. _Anything_ else.   
“On Saturday night? Like, after the party?”   
She watched from her peripheral vision as Mal nodded her head nervously. It wasn’t too often that Mal found herself feeling nervous, it made her feel like a child again, all wiry and jumpy and staticy. She was studying Evie like her life depended on it, and Evie was fairly sure her face was hot from a whole lot more than just having been under the blankets now. Mal and her hadn’t been intimate like that in what felt like a lifetime...   
“Well, why?”   
Mal huffed that same frustrated huff from before, and surely would have run fingers through her hair if Evie weren’t holding her hand like a vice. She was pleading with her eyes for Evie to look at her again, not stare off into space as she was, but Evie couldn’t bring herself to. She knew if she looked at her now she would kiss her. She could feel the end creeping up on her, like when you’re in the midst of a good book and you can feel the last few pages wedged between your fingers. Even when you don’t want the book to end, your eyes can’t help but eagerly continue to scan and skim as those final lines approach, as you feel that dreaded impending feeling of emptiness that comes when something wonderful comes to a close. So Evie was trying to set the book down, she was trying to avoid that inevitable final page. If she never read the goodbye maybe it didn’t have to come.   
  
“I don’t know.”   
Mal knew. She had known all along, from the minute that name slipped her lips to the present moment while she was laying in bed beside her right now, Mal had known that it wasn’t an accident. But she still couldn’t say it. She couldn’t say it to Ben, and she surely couldn’t say it to Evie the way she looked now, all sweetly planted sleep seeds in her fluttery eyes and flushed skin on the tips of her ears and cheeks and messy blue morning hair.   
“I guess I was just thinking about you.”   
Mal surprised even herself that this was the explanation she’d settled on. Evie’s eyes widened and finally returned to Mal’s, not being able to settle on either her right of left eye before finally settling somewhere in the middle near the bridge of her nose. Evie smiled sadly and shook her head, nuzzling her cheek into her pillow. She’d almost forgotten her and Mal were holding hands until she felt that familiar thumb rubbing her knuckles again, the one that could get her through anything. It brought up a million bad memories that thumb, yet simultaneously made everything feel okay, and in the moment Evie wanted anything but to linger on old memories. She wanted to focus on the now, on the fact that they were making perhaps the most important memories of all right now.   
“I think about you a lot. About us.”   
There it was again, that “us” that Evie had referred to earlier. Mal smiled.   
“Is there an us?”   
Evie couldn’t help but smile too, even as it felt like she were dying. She felt like the wilting rose from some long ago fairytale, like her petals were falling painstakingly slowly and fluttering to the ground around her as she died.   
“There’s always been an us, M.” 

And then it was quiet again for a while, and neither girl really seemed to mind. Evie because she just wanted to spend every possible second with her disappearing faery, and Mal because she had a million things to say but none of the ability or courage needed to articulate them. Mal let her eyes close, and Evie took the opportunity to stare shamelessly at her face. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. She had critical eyes trained to search for the beautiful things in every room she entered, and without fail her eyes would always land on Mal when given the opportunity.   
“You did it then too, didn’t you. You hurt yourself back on the Isle.”   
The question didn’t necessarily take Evie by surprise but she didn’t say anything, seeing as it was much less a question and more of a statement anyway.   
“Why didn’t you tell me?”   
“I was scared.”   
She deserved a better answer but that was the truth, among a million other reasons why that was the most accurate and simplest answer she could in good faith muster up. Mal opened her eyes and met Evie’s instantaneously, but they were blurry with tears and Evie felt that same familiar breaking and shattering and shuttering feeling in her chest. She wanted to cut her chest open, split it straight down the middle until she could easily pluck out all the malfunctioning pieces that made conversations like this hell. She wished she could feel nothing, Evie had always felt things far too deeply. She was made to fail from the start, she thought. No one with a heart this swollen and sensitive could possibly make it in a world as cruel as the one she found herself thrust into.   
  
“You’re scared of me?”   
Mal’s thumb paused in it’s soft swiping motions and Evie squeezed her palm until it resumed.   
“I’m scared of everything, M.”   
Their faces were so painfully close. Evie watched as Mal’s eyes shamelessly flickered away from her eyes and down to her lips, and the heart that she thought had long since stopped working skipped a beat before sputtering to life. What did any of this mean? She felt like she was 13 again, so painfully confused and ignorant, so unable to comprehend her own emotions even before they became so complex and serpentine.   
“Me too.”   
Evie shook her head, before leaning forward and pressing her forehead to Mal’s. She smiled again, just a small sweet smile as she recalled the day they met, how that was something a few months ago Mal never would have claimed to be true.

“That’s not true. Mal the faery heiress isn’t scared of anything, she told me so. That purple dragon is fearless.”  
Mal couldn’t bring herself to smile, in fact she was so dangerously close to crying she thought her throat might tear open or tears might start seeping from out of her pores.   
“Not right now I’m not, E. Right now? I’m terrified.”   
“I’m sorry.”   
Evie’s voice was breaking in that raspy, world-shattering way that it did only when she could feel brambles and thorny vines twist around and constrict her heart. Her lips still lingered with traces of a forced smile and it made Mal shudder.   
“Me too.”   
Evie didn’t like the way their words mirrored that of her and Ben’s conversation from just a few moments prior. Looking back on the conversation it felt fuzzy as if it’d been another element of her dream, because there were aspects of the entire ordeal Evie still couldn’t bring herself to accept. Ultimately she tried not to linger on it all that much as she normally would have, overanalyzing and picking apart the conversation as she did herself, because she couldn’t muster up the energy to care that much. I mean, I guess her and Ben had both faced the same fate in the end anyway, hadn’t they? They had both lost the girl who could never be kept.   
  
“Do you think I won’t understand what you’re feeling?”   
Mal carefully guided the hand she was fiercely holding onto to her opposite forearm beneath the blanket, running Evie’s fingers tenderly over her skin. Evie unfurled her fingers and let Mal guide her, keeping their eyes locked as her fingertips were gently rubbed over and across the numerous scars that were imbedded in Mal’s skin. They were raised but soft and faded with time like many of Mal’s scars, save for the newest of which were from battles she’d gotten into with opposing groups of villain kids weeks or days prior to their arrival in Auradon. These particular scars however, that Evie was delicately grazing now with tentative strokes were different from the rest. They were different in that they were clearly self-inflicted, or it was clear to Evie at least. They were unlike the jagged, puffy scar that ran between Mal’s two sharp shoulder blades and down the crest of her back from being struck by her mother’s scepter on her ninth birthday. They were unlike the numerous scars that weaved around her ankles and calves from running through the prickling brush that lined every forestry inch of the Isle when trying to escape from a rival gang. They were unlike the scar that Evie adored most, the scraggly, thin white line that cut through Mal’s left eyebrow and along her brow bone. It prevented the horizontal translucent hairs from growing there, the blade of Uma’s switchblade having slicing her lofted arch just so.

Evie often times absentmindedly found herself reaching up to touch this particular scar, which highlighted for her just how different the scars she was touching now were. They felt obsessively straight and linear, even more so than Evie’s. They were completely uniform, even as they curled around her arm in raised bands. Evie’s were desperate, and messy, and irregular where Mal’s felt almost planned out, like each one had been made with careful, steady hands and calculating. Evie had seen these scars dozens and dozens of times, because of course she had, but never had Mal allowed her to feel them like this, to look at her knowingly like she was open and willingly admitting their genuine meaning. Mal didn’t have to say anything at all, in letting Evie touch and read her most intimate of storybook pages imbedded in the pale skin she adorned, she said it all.

Slowly though, as the pace of Mal’s hand over hers slowed Evie pulled away, tucking her shaky hand against her chest to feel her heart pounding through her palm. It helped remind her she was here.  
“How could you possibly understand what I’m feeling, M? _I_ don’t even understand what I’m feeling.”   
She sounded so defeated, so negative, so tired. She had nothing left. She didn’t want to smile, or lie, or make like everything would be alright anymore. This was an Evie Mal had never seen, it was an Evie she prayed the purple-haired girl never would.   
“Evie, look at me.”   
She couldn’t focus her eyes. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling. The sound of her blood rushing in the ear pressed against her memory foam pillow sounded like footsteps rushing up stairs. It sounded like her mother coming to get her, coming to take her away and lock her up. She wished it was. She wished to curl up pathetically in Mommy’s arms and let her be swept away from all these people she’d made the mistake of befriending, all these people she’d entered the lives of selfishly. She wanted to be free from the crushing responsibility, the neverending and impending fear of disappointment, the longing desire to feel loved. When she was on the Isle Evie had thought she just wanted to be gone from there, but here in Auradon things almost felt worse. Maybe she just wanted to be gone all together. 

“Evie.”  
Mal was suddenly there right in front of her, practically nose to nose. She had one hand pressed against her chest on top of Evie’s own, and the other untangled from the blanket covering both of them so that she could cup Evie’s face and give her no choice but to focus her attention on the shaken fae before her. Mal was in ruins, the monument crumpled. She had tears streaking shamelessly down her cheeks now to rival Evie’s. Her eyes were glowing a warm, apple green. Evie had always found it fascinating what the different greens meant. A bright, scalding emerald meant anger, a soft swirling cerulean meant apprehension, but this almost yellow, golden laced lime was saved only for when Mal felt deep sadness. It was not a color Evie could say she saw very frequently, and it left her mouth dry.   
“God, I’m going to miss you.”  
The words left Evie’s mouth without her even having to think, just a testament to how truly exhausted and defeated she was. She couldn’t feel embarrassed, she couldn’t feel anything. Mal let another tear run down her cheek, closing her eyes hard as her eyes started to flicker a little. Evie could see the beckoning light shine from behind her thin eyelids, betraying her inner turmoil even when she tried so hard to keep her exterior together. Her voice shook uncharacteristically the way it did when someone jabbed a sharp pipe between her ribs and she was fighting unconsciousness, it was not a voice fitting for laying in bed with her best friend’s limbs intermingled with her own.   
  
“You think I’m going to l-leave you?”  
She sounded somewhat offended but three fourths hurt. Evie bit her own lip, enjoying the way her bottom lip tasted of metal as she sucked it between her teeth and for the hundredth time in the last 24 hours made it bleed. Scabs peeled away satisfyingly. Mal’s grip on her chin and cheek tightened, and the hand pressed to her own near her chest quivered and pressed firmer.  
“You d-didn’t even let me try. You didn’t give me the chance to understand.”  
Because it was scary, trying something new was scary to Evie. It meant rejection and it meant change. Evie craved routine, she just so desperately wanted someone, anyone to stay. If she could just be okay Mal would stay. She didn’t need to be in love with her, she hardly even had to be very nice to her at all, Evie just needed her to be there. She never wanted to do something that could jeopardize that as she was now, something that could drive Mal away and make her abandon her as she was sure everyone eventually would.   
  
“I want to try. I want to t-try and understand you. I want to try and make this work. _Us_ work.”  
Us. Something in Evie’s heart leapt, but most of her stayed numb and cast over in granite stone like she’d been cast under a scepter’s spell. This didn’t feel real, or if it was real she was misreading the situation, or Mal was simply lying to her for what must have been the first time.   
_She’s not staying. She doesn’t forgive you. She hates you, they hate you. You’re going to be alone. She’ll never love you like that. She’ll never love you at all. It’s impossible for someone to love a wretched girl like you. You aren’t made for love. You have rehearsed this scenario in daydreams and nightmares hundreds if not thousands of times before and this outcome is not a plausible one. This is impossible.  
_  
And then the impossible happened and everything changed. It was the end of everything but the start of something new and Evie felt like suddenly she was home.  
Mal had leaned in quick and kissed her.  
Mal had _kissed_ her.   
The kind of kiss where teeth collide and you forget what an oxygen atom is. The kind of kiss that brings you home when you never knew where or what home was before, and now she knew.  
Evie knew that Mal was home. Mal had, and would always be, Evie’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does one even say, I feel like way too much happened in this chapter to even recap ksjskjs so pls just tell me your thoughts in the comments tbh I miss y'all ahaha- I mean first and foremost MALVIE KISS. FINALLY A MALVIE KISS WHAT??? fuck y'all if nothing else wdy think abt THAT!? I hope you enjoyed this chap seriously, sorry it took so long once again, just school x work is genuine hell lol, but you guys keep me so so motivated so ty the most :3 ily all!!  
> -Abbie


	10. Boys Will Be Boys

“Where are you going?”  
“To go KICK HIS ASS.”  
Lonnie reached up and swiftly caught Audrey’s wrist in her grasp before her fuming roommate could manage to storm out the door. Audrey stood defiantly for a moment in Lonnie’s grasp. She wanted to ignore Lonnie’s objection and pull away from her vice-like grip, it would’ve been very on par with her brand, but one look at Lonnie’s huge, tear-filled and pleading brown eyes quickly took the wind out of her sails. With an aggravated huff Audrey let Lonnie guide her down to the carpeted floor beside her. The sound either went unnoticed by Lonnie or she just didn’t care, because instantly the distressed beauty was melted into Audrey’s somewhat rigged and lace-shroud shoulders. Audrey looked down at the tears which continued to stream down Lonnie’s achingly puffy cheeks, and all the initial anger she’d felt at having entered the room to see her best friend in such a state evaporated. Right then her heart ached in a way that it oh so rarely ever did. 

Audrey wasn’t very good with emotions, let alone with empathy, and perhaps this was kind of obvious. There were very few people in life who could make the queen of all things contemptible feel something. Lonnie just so happened to be one of those people who effortlessly could.  
“I don’t need someone to go beat him up, Rosy. I just need someone to stay with me right now.”   
_Rosy_. Now that was a nickname Audrey hadn’t heard in a long time. Rose was her middle name, after her mother Aurora “Briar Rose”, or course, but when she was younger people used to call her a cutesy version of it all the time. It was a lot shorter and easier to say and write than Audrey was she supposed, so for all intensive purposes it had been her name at Auradon Pre-K. Now the only person who still used it on occasion was Ben, really. Or he _used_ to use it, anyway, when using pet-names was still a thing they did. Nonetheless, the name still managed to make Audrey smile. 

“If you need someone to stay with you, then that’s what I’ll do. But I hope you know he deserves to get his ass handed to him.”  
Lonnie rolled her eyes, and rubbed her face further into Audrey’s lacey pink sweater, surely staining it with makeup and tears. This thought crossed Audrey’s mind, and she cringed momentarily before eventually brushing it off and wrapping her arm around Lonnie’s shuddering shoulders. Some things mattered more than having to spot-stain your shirt.   
“You don’t even _know_ what he did, so cool it with the threats.”  
Audrey scoffed, pulling out some of the ash blonde curls that were getting smooshed underneath Lonnie’s head and attempted to fix them with her fingers absentmindedly.   
“I don’t need to know the specifics, Lon. If Jay made you cry then that’s enough.”   
Lonnie laughed lightly into Audrey’s side, a promising sign that she was going to be done crying soon. One of the things she loved about Audrey most was her passion, even when she didn’t have the right to be.

“How did you know it was Jay?”   
“Who else?”   
It was no secret that Audrey didn’t like Lonnie’s boyfriend of four months very much, she took the opportunity to express her dislike for the villain kids every chance she got, really. Audrey could admit that Jay had never done anything to her personally, in fact they’d almost entirely steered clear of each other after he tried to pick her up (along with every other girl on the cheer team) the first few weeks of him being in Auradon. She vehemently shut him down of course, and that was that. Most days Audrey could maybe even be coaxed into admitting that he seemed kind of nice and charming, in a “diamond in the rough” sort of way. She could vaguely see Lonnie’s appeal for him. But that being said, he was friends with Mal, and to her that was plenty reason to detest him. Besides, there was no doubt in her mind he’d been neglecting Lonnie since they’d started dating several months earlier. Frequently Audrey or Jane were left to deal with a dejected Lonnie after being cancelled on last minute or accidentally stood up. Anyone could see he just nearly wasn’t as into her as he should’ve been, for reasons unbeknownst to everyone besides him. It irked Audrey to no end that Lonnie couldn’t see that. 

There was a long pause until either girl spoke again, Lonnie sniffling softly to presumably compose herself as she gently pulled away from Audrey and sat up on her heels. If it hadn’t been for the obvious tears and running makeup Lonnie would’ve looked pretty, Audrey noted. She was wearing a new coral dress she’d never seen before and her hair was down and curled. Audrey guessed she’d just come back from a date with Jay, which is where things must have gone awry. When Lonnie didn’t speak for another minute longer and just sat staring at the carpet wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands Audrey opened her mouth to say something instead, but Lonnie beat her to it.    
“He finally broke up with me.”    
Lonnie croaked the sentence out fast, like it stung coming out of her mouth, and the use of the word “finally” indicated that perhaps Lonnie expected this would not be a very groundbreaking, unbelievable nor unexpected concept to her best friend. It was, though. Audrey didn’t think Jay would ever actually have the balls to fess up to leading Lonnie on, she thought her roommate would have to eventually crack up and end things herself. She stood corrected. 

Audrey opened her mouth to say something but then Lonnie persisted, and she was somewhat grateful since the response she was formulating almost certainly would have been incidentally snarky. She was feeling so many emotions. Firstly joy, because the atrocious relationship was finally over with. This meant no more having to listen to Lonnie both complain and swoon over a boy Audrey would quite frankly rather see still locked up on some island, and it meant perhaps more importantly that Lonnie was no longer going to be underappreciated on a regular basis. Secondly though, Audrey felt an insatiable rage. Just because breaking up with her was the right thing to do, didn’t mean it couldn’t still piss her the hell off. Audrey knew a lot about how it felt to get broken up with. It never felt very good.    
“He told me he never really liked me very much. He said he’s in love with someone else.”    
Lonnie said this so emotionless that it sent a chill down Audrey’s spine, but in that moment she could have killed him. Somehow it felt like she was being broken up with too. Maybe the words “he’s in love with someone else” just hit her too close to home.   


“Who the hell?!?”   
Having maybe sensed that this conversation was stirring up suppressed emotions of Audrey’s own, or perhaps just noticing how red her face was and how tightly clenched her fists were, Lonnie scooted nearer to her roommate and embraced her. It was ridiculous how quickly Lonnie had been able to stop crying and reassert herself as the nurturing one. This was a dynamic both girls were much more comfortable with, so even though Audrey knew she probably should’ve been the one trying harder to comfort she let the shift happen. Audrey had plenty she wanted to say, but her muscles were so tense that all she could manage to get out as Lonnie hugged her were a few words, and meaningless ones at that.   
“He is such a piece of shit.  _ Men _ are such fucking pieces of shit.”    
Lonnie laughed at this even as she felt as though she were dying. It was a weird kind of bittersweet numbness that had overtaken her, most of the sadness gone now that she’d cried it all out. It wasn’t that the breakup had come unexpectedly, in fact she’d been bracing herself for it for a few weeks now, it was the other stuff Jay had told her which upset her. Stuff she knew she couldn’t share with Audrey, not if she wanted to uphold her promise to Jay that she’d keep it a secret until he’d figured things out and was ready to share himself.    
“I’m not going to deny that he  _ is _ kind of a piece of shit. But he did breakup with me very...respectfully, at least. Funnily enough our last date was probably the best one I’ve ever been on.”    
Audrey sat up enough to look Lonnie in the eye, her eyebrows deeply furrowed in frustration.    
“I’m sorry Lon’.”

Lonnie smiled sadly. She had really liked Jay, but maybe a part of her always knew it wouldn’t work. His heart was never really in it, and she overlooked it in fear of it being because of her somehow. Now she knew it wasn’t anything like that. That didn’t make it hurt any less...but it was kind of comforting in it’s own right.   
“I think we’re going to stay friends.”  
Audrey scoffed instinctively, opening her mouth to formulate an argument, but Lonnie talked over her before she could, her own stony glare countering that of her best friend’s.   
“I know you don’t think it but he’s a good guy, Rosy. Even if he wasn’t necessarily a good guy to _me_. Not _all_ men are shit, I know you know that. Think of Ben, you stayed best friends with him.”   
And think of Ben Audrey did, nearly all the time, in fact. She felt certain in her stance that all men were shit, but maybe Ben was an exception. Ben wasn’t bad, he was just easily manipulated, and weak-willed, and not at all as in love with her as Audrey had thought. It wasn’t _his_ fault that Mal had spelled him...though it was his fault for continuing to stay with her after the fact. Maybe Audrey was just so quick to forgive as best she could because it wasn’t like she had very many other people lining up at her door wanting to be friends. If there was anything that could trump her stubborn and unforgiving nature, it was her crippling fear of ending up alone.   
  
While in the midst of trying to accurately formulate these thoughts and feelings into coherent sentences without sounding like either a hypocrite or an absolute loser, both girls were interrupted by the sound of jangling keys and their dorm room door opening. Jane, immediately feeling uncomfortable about the silence and weight of their room, slid into the room through an only slightly cracked open door and gave both girls an unsure smile.   
“Sorry I- am I interrupting anything or-? I can head back to the library if-”  
Jane’s anxious and incessant ranting was cut off abruptly by one of Lonnie’s signature bone-crushing hugs. Audrey smiled at both her roomies as they embraced, Jane laughing nervously before dropping her book bag at her feet to reciprocate the affectionate action. It hurt just a little the way Lonnie had hopped up from off the floor so eagerly and happily when Jane arrived, like she’d just been waiting for her to show up. Audrey never garnered a response like that from her friends when she entered their shared bedroom, but she’d long ago accepted that Jane and Lonnie were simply closer with each other than she ever would be with either of them herself. It’d been like that since preschool, and even Audrey could admit she certainly hadn’t gotten more likable as she aged. Maybe she wasn’t meant for closeness. 

After a few seconds of prolonged hugging, during which Audrey stood up from her spot on the floor and awkwardly smoothed nonexistent wrinkles out of her skirt, Jane and Lonnie pulled apart but kept one pair of their hands intertwined. The shorter of the two, who Audrey noted was noticeably blushing, cleared her throat before looking up and giving Lonnie a sympathetic and knowing look.    
“Lon’, I heard about you and Jay’s breakup. I’m so sorry.”   
Lonnie, looking embarrassed, dropped Jane’s hand and turned to sit back down with Audrey before realizing she’d gotten up and moved herself to her own bed across the room, reading a magazine. Even so, she was still listening to the conversation intently.    
“Wow, it’s gotten around that fast, huh?”   
Jane hurried to put a smile back on Lonnie’s fallen face, kicking aside her spattered books and quickly plopping herself at the foot of Lonnie’s bed across from where she sat. Nervously, Jane played with her sable hair. 

“No, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make it seem like that at all! I’m sure i-it’s not! I only know because I was um, well now I sound creepy but, I overheard the conversation between you two a little, sort of. I was rehearsing cheer choreo behind the gym, so no one would see me because that’s embarrassing, and I guess it was pretty near where Jay took you on your stroll through campus. Sorry.”    
Jane felt awfully relieved when Audrey began to giggle from behind her reading across the room, because like an infection it seemed to quickly make Lonnie and even paled Jane herself begin cackling at the ridiculous circumstances of that very morning. How had so much happened to go down before the clock even struck 10am?    
“Come here you.”    
Lonnie flung herself to the end of the bed, engulfing Jane in another hug, if the tackle could even be considered that. With the both of them now in a heap on the floor together, even Audrey couldn’t help but slip down from her own bed and daintily sit on the floor with them. Not to join, per say, but just to feel involved. Lonnie, through very flushed howls of laughter as Jane whined about lady-likeness, smiled up at Audrey with a toothy grin very comforting to the young princess.    
“God, with friends like you two, who the hell needs a relationship.”    


* * *

Carlos was not coping very well when Jay finally turned back up at their dorm room, almost 24 hours after they’d last spoken with one another. Or screamed at one another, rather. Now, he had no words to say at all, simply staring up in gawking silence at his best friend turned stranger. He felt like he was staring at a ghost. Except the ghost was crying, which immediately made it feel like it wasn’t Jay’s ghost at all he was ogling, just some foreign passerby, because Jay never cried. Or he never used to, at least. Carlos had called and messaged him countless times in the seconds after he ran out on him the night prior, trying desperately to work things out before he could spiral too far down into that well, spiral too deep to be found again and saved, rescued like his friends always somehow managed to. The only thing that caught him before the cobblestone and lukewarm water could eat him up completely was Mal, who assured him that Jay was alright even if he wasn’t answering his roomate’s pleas, that he just needed “a little bit of space.” That granted him at least enough peace of mind to get through the night alone, curled up on the rug in front of their bedroom door like some kind of abandoned puppy waiting for his family to return home. 

The first thing Jay noticed when he entered the stiff room wasn’t even Carlos only feet in front of him, it was the way the room looked like a tornado had been through it. Some of the disaster he remembered creating, like the way the chair at their desk was flipped, and the books and papers from his bag and the oak tabletop were crumpled and scattered all over the floor from when he had sputted them aside in blind anger. These things he remembered doing very vaguely, like it was something he’d done in a dream. But the way every book from their book shelf was toppled to the floor in a heap, pages creased and spines cracked on the floor so the shelves looked eerily empty he didn’t recall partaking in. Nor did Jay recall the way shattered glass from broken picture frames was laced in the carpet beneath their feet, and the air smelled mildewy because of a tap left on for far too long in their still damp shared bathroom. After lingering on these latest discoveries, Jay finally connected his watery, bleeting eyes with Carlos’. Little ‘Los opened his mouth to speak, to explain himself and the state of their room with shakiness and unease, but he didn’t have to. And couldn’t have, for that matter, because Jay had pulled him into such a tight embrace it practically knocked the air out of him.    


He was up off the ground and spinning so quickly he couldn’t even register what had happened, but he didn’t care because it felt so incredible to be held by someone who loved him and who was safe. When his eyes filled up with tears he screwed them shut tightly and wrapped his arms around Jay’s strong neck, burying his face in his sweatshirt without caring that it was the same one he’d been wearing yesterday and smelled faintly of smoke. Jay scooped him up like he was his to take care of and sat down on the unmade bed, crying into his hairline. His hair was so soft, the wispy little white curls seemingly wiping his tears away. He smelled like shampoo, cinnamony and warm. With Jay’s large arms engulfing him so, and the way Carlos had his legs wrapped around his waist in a death-like grip, the two boys were almost homogenous in nature. Neither had spoken a word since Jay’d stepped foot into the disheveled room, but it was almost like they didn’t need to. It was obvious they were both sorry for the things they’d said, it was obvious that formalities like apologies didn’t matter much to either of them by this point, though Jay did plan to apologize for his behavior once the two of them were more composed. The only thing which broke their silence was the realization that Jay, very badly, wanted to do more than merely hug Carlos in comfort and forgiveness. And, all things considered, he properly could now. If that’s what they both wanted, of course. 

Carlos immediately wept harder in response to Jay pulling slightly away from him, but was comforted when he could feel the rough pads of his fingers wiping tears from off his face. He didn’t even know all the reasons why he was crying in that minute. Was he happy because Jay had come home and wasn’t angry at him? Was he sad because everything else in his life seemed a little shit at the moment? Was he embarrassed for the state of their room and the way he was reacting to Jay’s return like he really thought he’d never come back?    
“I broke up with Lonnie.”    
Those words grounded the younger boy like an anchor, and he locked eyes with those dark, well-water brown eyes he adored so. He wanted to speak but couldn’t bring himself to. And if he did what would he say? ‘Sorry’ when he wasn’t? ‘I love you’? Carlos didn’t want to scare Jay off again when he’d seemingly just gotten him back. He was so scared of messing up. He always messed everything up. He messed things with Evie up, he messed up in their conversation yesterday, he was just  _ one big mess up _ .    
  
Luckily, Carlos didn’t get the chance to ruminate on this ideology for too long. Because next he knew, Jay was kissing him.  _ Kissing him. _ And suddenly Carlos wasn’t spirling in his own head, or spinning in Jay’s arms, he was unbelievably and painstakingly still for maybe the first time in his young life. He was so aware of every little thing. The way the scruff of Jay’s jawline and cheeks pricked his skin with tiny, nearly undetectable hairs for having not shaved for a couple of days. His sinewy hands which had already been cupping his face prior stayed where they were, his left fingers twirling a small tendril of white hair and tucking it carefully behind his reddened ears. Carlos wanted to close his eyes to enjoy the moment, but was so starstruck he simply couldn’t manage to, and instead stared at Jay’s face stupidly as he kissed him. Had his eyelashes always been that long? 

“Guys, I’m freaking the FUCK out right n-”    
Just as quickly as the kiss had begun it  _ abruptly _ stopped, Jay pulling his lips away so quickly and with such ferocity it left a clear line of spit between the two boys swollen lips. Jay quickly broke the string with his hands and then turned to face their opened door, as if Mal hadn’t just clearly seen both of her best friends locking lips. Carlos was more or less frozen. Jay ran a hand through his hair and opened his mouth to speak, but what exactly he planned to say remained a mystery because Mal put her hand up and frustratedly cut him off before he had the chance to say anything. Jay seemed relieved by this if anything.    
“Just don’t say anything, normally you two know I would be  _ all _ over this but I can’t afford to give a shit right now, I’m freaking out.”    
And freaking out she was, that was plain to see. Mal had makeup smeared across her face, half from having most likely just woken up recently, but half from crying which was evident by her very red, puffy, bloodshot eyes. Her hair was in a very messy updo, and she was still in her pajamas- which were hardly presentable considering they consisted of only an over-sized flannel with the sleeves cuffed and some boxers. Worst of all was the expression on her face, she looked petrified. And furthermore she was shaking, and clutching the boy’s flung open door like it was the only thing holding her up.    
“What’s up?”    
Jay was trying so painfully hard to sound casual, but the color had drained from his face.    
“I-”

“Is it Evie?”   
Carlos piped in when there was a rather awkwardly long pause of silence, with a fearful tone which he was trying significantly less to keep under wraps. When Mal responded she sounded so far away, and she stared down at the rug instead of either boy, who had separated from their intimate position and were now standing at the foot of the bed staring expectantly at the disheveled girl in their doorway.    
“Yeah...I meant to text you after we met last night Jay but, we got a little carried away, and…”   
“Mal, you should sit.”   
Jay reached for Mal’s shoulder, who immediately shrunk away from his touch like a stand-offish cat, backing up into the hall.    
“N-no!”   
Suddenly it was like she snapped back to reality, her eyes flashing sage green in awareness. Her voice was like a snake's hiss.    
“You’re not listening- we need to  _ leave _ . NOW. Get a coat.”   
“Mal I think you’re confused-”   
“I’M NOT! Evie is in trouble, Jay. I can explain everything on the way but we have to leave now.”   
“On the way to  _ where _ , Mal!?”

The screaming was making Carlos feel itchy and squeamish, Mal had a “meeting” with Evie? After their fight Jay must’ve gone to her and talked about Evie. So was she up to speed on everything now? Everyone in their core four was on the same page? That would be a huge relief. Unless of course that meant Mal was upset with him now, which would’ve been warranted but still upsetting. None of that mattered if Evie was in trouble, though. ‘ _ In trouble _ .’ Those words could mean any number of things, none of which were good.    
“I- I don’t know Jay, but E is gone.”    
There was silence. And then the world started to spin again at a rate which seemed inconsistently fast.    
“....What does that mean?”   
“She ran away. We kissed and she was there a-and then she wasn’t and, I would’ve followed her but- it doesn’t matter now the point is she left without a coat or shoes or anything and it’s so cold out and I’m- I’m really s-scared she’s gonna do something  _ f-fucking stupid _ , Jay.”   
Jay didn’t even have to turn and give ‘Los a look, he was already scrambling around their room for shoes and coats with shaky hands before Mal could finish her sentence.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry this chapter is unbelievably late- but thank you SO SO much to everyone who was patient enough to stick with this book, it actually means the world. I wish I had some crazy excuse for why this chapter that's not even that long or incredible took so long, but it's just lame life stuff. You can thank quarantine for this book finally getting the attention it deserves again haha, and hopefully it was worth the wait? I already have plans for the next chapter so...sorry for the cliffhanger but maybe it won't be MONTHS AND MONTHS between this one and chapter 11 haha. Regardless thank you sm for reading, if you liked it pls feel free to comment and tell me your fave parts, I love you all!!   
> -Abbie

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed chapter one of Beauty Is Pain! This is my first go at publishing a fic to AO3, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated and I apologize in advance for any mistakes. This is also my first Descendants fic, so hopefully, it wasn't too atrocious haha. I already have chapters 2, 3 and 4 written at the time I'm publishing this, so if there's any interest in this fic then I'll publish those as well shortly. (: Thank you sm for reading, and please comment any feedback you have, it would be greatly appreciated!  
> -Abbie <3


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